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Reviews from
'Dear' Crossing


Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Inquiries"

An investigation into a grisly death in Widmer, MN

  26 total reviews 
Comment by
catydid52
 
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Excellent
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And the plot thickens...

Ray is doing great police work..going on instinct only.

The writing has my eyes glued to the page and I will be caught up in no time.



 Comment Written 13-Jan-2008



reply by the author on 14-Jan-2008
    Thanks so much, Catydid!

    I've been out of commission for awhile--my computer went haywire. We just got it back. Now I have to get back down to business again.

    I sure do appreciate your reading my story!

    Marjorie

Comment by
Minataur
 
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These are great little things that give real life to the chapter:

The clerk fussed with her hair for a moment.
She fingered the buttons on her blouse.

Hugs

Maggie


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2008


Comment by
ddsaar
 
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Hi Marjorie,
this is another good chapter. the character of Mary is quite endearing - maybe you could make rays fears more ronounced by making her a gossip so when he is interviewing her and asks about the arm. he is even more alarmed she has made the connection.

I notice you have taken the same line as most storytellers and Ray cant cook! why is that?
not that there is anything wrong with that..its just it would be different to have someone who is male and single and isnt always eating out or having a two minutes ding dinner.

But as for this it was entertaining and it is all starting to come together for Ray.
well done david


 Comment Written 01-Jan-2008


Comment by
sarahhitch
 
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Lets hope his determination is enough.

I know this is going to be good, I just have to wait and see where this all leads.

Thanks for sharing.

Sarah.


 Comment Written 30-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 01-Jan-2008
    Sorry for the delay, Sarah; we had company this entire weekend. Now I've got to hustle up and start posting again.

    Thanks as always and a Happy New Year to you!

    Marjorie

reply by sarahhitch on 02-Jan-2008
    Thanks very much, Happy New Year to you too, I have been ill over Xmas and have not been on much.

    So hope you have a great new year.

    Sarah,
Comment by
bookishfabler
 
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He?d barely "scratched" the surface. There had to be something more he could do. He slammed the car door behind himself as he made his decision. (Was this pun intended? LOL) Very very good, like usual. Sorry I can't offer more help with editing, you are better at it than I am.
Haappy New Year.
hugs
book


 Comment Written 28-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 01-Jan-2008
    LOL No, it wasn't intended--it wasn't even noticed. How funny! I'll have to go back and reword that, Book!

    Thanks!

    Marjorie
Comment by
conniet
 
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This is a very interesting story, that I enjoyed very much! It kept me on the edge of my seat until the very end. Keep up the good work. Connie


 Comment Written 26-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 27-Dec-2007
    Thank you very much, Connie. I hope you continue to enjoy the next chapters as well!

    Marjorie
Comment by
LillySmith
 
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It's getting interesting now! Things are heating up, or is it just a wild goose chase? Ha!
Great chapter. I just have a couple of suggestions, but I enjoyed it so much I can't take a star off.
I was trying to be a toughy there for a while, I just can't pull it off! Ha!

Lil. ;-)

car in one of the hospital parking lot?s "emergency parking only" slots.

a bit long winded/repetitive. Perhaps :- ... the hospital's "emergency parking only" slots. - would work better. ?

She could even?ve brought it with her : reads a bit rough.
Perhaps:- She could've even brought ..... ?




 Comment Written 26-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 27-Dec-2007
    Thanks for not being too tough on me, Lil. I'm fighting a flu bug or something. LOL I've made those changes and thank you so much for steering straight.

    Thanks much!

    Marjorie
Comment by
davidray
 
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Another stellar posting, Marjorie. Good dialogue,especially with the narrative at the end between Ray and the cashier. Well done.
A couple nits:
-he'd bought for himself when he and Gail separated (I thought htis might read smoother as: he'd bought before separating from Gail.')

-The thought occurred to him that even the instant variety tasted better than the stuff Amy brewed at the Copper Kettle.

The thought of the cafe ... (2 sentences in a row starting out the same. You're better than this, Marjorie. I know this is an oversight. The second sentence could start out as: Thinking od the cafe ...)

-Why did things have to get so screwed up? (If this is his thought, it should read: Why do things ... If it's not his thought, tell me to stuff it!!)

-If the coroner?s report indicated nothing out of the ordinary, his hands would be tied. (you're getting too passivehere, Marjorie. Should read: his hands were tied)

-looked at right away. (But)[but] she wanted to see her own doctor in Minneapolis.?
Keep on trucking! Season's Greeting, my friend.
Always, David


-


 Comment Written 25-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 27-Dec-2007
    I've done the revising, David. Thank you kindly for your help. I'm feeling a little under the weather these last couple of days (nothing serous), and we're celebrating Christmas this weekend due to our daughter's crazy work schedule. I hope you'll forgive me for putting off reviewing your latest writing for the time being. My next chapter will also be delayed a bit more than likely.

    Later!

    Marjorie
Comment by
TomandOma
 
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The biggest question is why does this itching, painful sore make a dog, a bull and several people go crazy? Your story is awash with clues, but the answer still escapes me. The dog came back, apparently recovered and his old self again; Neil and others didn't handle it so well.

To bad Dana didn't get that bug bite!

This is another wxcellently written chapter and I find nothing that needs expanded or corrected; you're on a roll.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and yours.

Love and best wishes, Doris


 Comment Written 24-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 25-Dec-2007
    Ray is still doing his best to make sense of it. He's finally making progress, but he's still in for a rough ride. I'm glad you're enjoying it.

    Merry Christmas to you as well, Doris!

    Marjorie
Comment by
RenieReader
 
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Come on, Ray! Don't give up now. I don't know what it will all mean when you do find the connection, but I'm sure it's important. Great chapter to this fascinating book, Marjorie.

I love this one. It's sad and funny at the same time:

The thought occurred to him that even the instant variety tasted better than the stuff Amy brewed at the Copper Kettle.

I see crullers are spelled two ways: cruller and crueller. I'm used to the second way, so kept looking at that and wondering until I looked it up. This is an FYI and never mind thing.

Cyber Hugs and Merry Christmas,
Renie





 Comment Written 24-Dec-2007



reply by the author on 24-Dec-2007
    Ray? Give up? Never! And it's a good thing, too. His life isn't about to turn into a "rose garden" anytime soon yet. You'll see. Keep cheering him on; he'll need it.

    MegaThanks, Renie, and the best of Christmases to you!

    Marjorie
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