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Reviews from
'Dear' Crossing


Viewing comments for Chapter 50 "Heartache"

An investigation into a grisly death in Widmer, MN

  20 total reviews 
Comment by
Pit Bull Mom
 
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Very good and very emotional - as it should be.

One thought - when he's talking about IAD, he gives them respect, "it's their job and they're good at it, there job is to keep the force clean," etc. BUT - I HAVE NEVER met a cop who liked IAD officers (and trust me - I've known ALOT of cops). Most cops see them as traitors to the shield who turn on their own, job or not. In many cases, cops will protect a cop gone bad before telling what they know to IAD.

Just thought I'd mention that. It's really the only thing about procedures and "cop talk" that hasn't rung true so far in the whole novel (with the exception of the car blowing up on impact).

Off to the next.


 Comment Written 17-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
    Well, I fixed the issue with the car blowing up. I can sure fix this IAD thing, too--and will--tomorrow! Promise!

    Thanks, Heather!

Comment by
HealingMuse
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Hi Marjorie,

Another excellent write!

(I must've missed some chapters, as I didn't realize that the man Ray shot was her lover. Nice twist!)

Only one sentence here stood out as perhaps a bit awkward:

?That?s strange; he showed no respect for my marriage, did he??

I think it's the use of "showed no" -- but I'm not sure how to suggest improving upon it. Maybe "... he didn't show any respect for my marriage, did he?"

Thanks for sharing!

WRITE ON,

Jan


 Comment Written 12-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 12-Feb-2008
    It's hereby changed, Jan. Thanks so much. Your support and encouragement are a fabulous help.

    Marjorie
Comment by
Minataur
 
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I'm with Ray. How could she think he'd do such a thing, if she ever loved him? I think it's good he didn't take her home. Just his luck, someone would have seen them and zap another nail in his coffin!

Hugs,

Maggie


 Comment Written 04-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
    That would be his luck all right! Gail's really overwhelmed by the situation. Her heart will steer her in the right direction.

    Maggie, thank you!

    Marjorie
Comment by
IndianaIrish
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What a moving chapter, M. You make the reader feel the pain of both Ray and Gail in every word. Excellent work once again, Marjorie.

Smiles,
Indy :>)


 Comment Written 03-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 03-Feb-2008
    This was one of the harder chapters for me. I worried that the shift in emotions might be too sudden or unbelievable, but Gail truly does love Ray.

    Thanks, Indy.

    Marjorie
Comment by
Buctar
 
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Marjorie:

Another great segment. I really like your writing. I found virtually nothing to point out--just a couple of typo's.

She waited( )( )in silence for a moment (Remove the extra space.)

?Ray, I don?t know what I?m feeling.( )? (Remove the extra space.)

Maybe we could have ...? (The technical rule says there should be four periods if the ellipse comes at the end of a sentence, but I have heard others say "only if the the complete thought is conveyed." I just finished reading a book called The Novel Writer's Toolkit (I don't particularly recommend it) and I saw it done both ways in the author's writing. What I'm saying, I guess, is that it's your call. My style manual does not make the distinction. It would have used four.)

A great read.

Bill


 Comment Written 01-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 02-Feb-2008
    I've made the changes, Bill. I didn't realize those extra spaces were lurking there. A friend of mine has me reading all her old Nora Roberts novels. I'm fighting her influence. While I enjoy her stories, she definitely does things that "cross the line." She regularly writes in two POV's chapter after chapter. She uses fragmented sentences left and right. She or the typesetter for her books leave no spaces on either side of an ellipsis, and she uses a three dot ellipsis at the end of a "trailing off" sentence. I know you're right and added that fourth dot. I wish bestselling authors were held to the same standards of English the rest of us have to follow. She ignores those rules, but she's a heck of a writer. (Darn you, Nora Roberts!)

    Thanks loads, Bill!

    Marjorie

reply by the author on 02-Feb-2008
    I've made the changes, Bill. I didn't realize those extra spaces were lurking there. A friend of mine has me reading all her old Nora Roberts novels. I'm fighting her influence. While I enjoy her stories, she definitely does things that "cross the line." She regularly writes in two POV's chapter after chapter. She uses fragmented sentences left and right. She or the typesetter for her books leave no spaces on either side of an ellipsis, and she uses a three dot ellipsis at the end of a "trailing off" sentence. I know you're right and added that fourth dot. I wish bestselling authors were held to the same standards of English the rest of us have to follow. She ignores those rules, but she's a heck of a writer. (Darn you, Nora Roberts!)

    Thanks loads, Bill!

    Marjorie

reply by the author on 02-Feb-2008
    I've made the changes, Bill. I didn't realize those extra spaces were lurking there. A friend of mine has me reading all her old Nora Roberts novels. I'm fighting her influence. While I enjoy her stories, she definitely does things that "cross the line." She regularly writes in two POV's chapter after chapter. She uses fragmented sentences left and right. She or the typesetter for her books leave no spaces on either side of an ellipsis, and she uses a three dot ellipsis at the end of a "trailing off" sentence. I know you're right and added that fourth dot. I wish bestselling authors were held to the same standards of English the rest of us have to follow. She ignores those rules, but she's a heck of a writer. (Darn you, Nora Roberts!)

    Thanks loads, Bill!

    Marjorie

reply by the author on 02-Feb-2008
    I've made the changes, Bill. I didn't realize those extra spaces were lurking there. A friend of mine has me reading all her old Nora Roberts novels. I'm fighting her influence. While I enjoy her stories, she definitely does things that "cross the line." She regularly writes in two POV's chapter after chapter. She uses fragmented sentences left and right. She or the typesetter for her books leave no spaces on either side of an ellipsis, and she uses a three dot ellipsis at the end of a "trailing off" sentence. I know you're right and added that fourth dot. I wish bestselling authors were held to the same standards of English the rest of us have to follow. She ignores those rules, but she's a heck of a writer. (Darn you, Nora Roberts!)

    Thanks loads, Bill!

    Marjorie
Comment by
sarahhitch
 
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Another great chapter, really liked this one and look forward to reading more in the future.

So I will have to keep reading to see where this will all lead.

thanks for sharing.

Sarah.


 Comment Written 01-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 02-Feb-2008
    Everything comes together very quickly at the end, and that's pretty much right around the corner. There's not much left, Sarah.

    Thanks as always!

    Marjorie

reply by sarahhitch on 03-Feb-2008
    Thanks Marjorie, look forward to more.

    Sarah.
Comment by
catydid52
 
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It looks like some good will come out of this new nightmare that Ray has found himself in.

Strange how Mark did not identify himself...had he been inflicted by the strange itchy cysts as these others..


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2008



reply by the author on 29-Jan-2008
    Good thinking, my sleuth friend! Everyone will soon find out the answer. LOL

    Marjorie
Comment by
Nanny 6
 
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I just wonder why Mark showed up and was "taking inventory" I don't believe it for a minute. I really really like Ray a lot. He's a real person in my eyes. Can't wait to see what happens...Judy


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2008



reply by the author on 29-Jan-2008
    What a huge rush that is for me, Judy! When I began to write this, I wanted a "flawed" hero. Sometimes I worried that I'd dug too deep a hole for Ray--that I wouldn't be able to make the "hero" in him outweigh the flaws. What you just wrote in your review pleased me more than you can know. Thanks a million!

    Hugs,
    Marjorie
Comment by
conniet
 
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I thought this was a very good story! And it kept me on the edge of my chair, that's what I like. Keep up the great work. Connie


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2008



reply by the author on 29-Jan-2008
    I'm doing my best, Connie. LOL

    Thanks!

    Marjorie
Comment by
ddsaar
 
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Hi Marjorie,

Interesting chapter.
The dialogue flowed well enough between them. The content was a nice read.
The situation was well presented. Like a lot of divorcees I have been through similar...not for shooting someone I might add... ones myself and so many aspects of this rang true - so well done.
I couldnt see any problems..it will be nice to see how it pans out
David


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2008



reply by the author on 29-Jan-2008
    I'm glad to hear you haven't shot anyone, David, but sorry to hear you've been put through the wringer like Ray on occasion.

    The final resolution to Ray and Gail's relationship doesn't come until the end of the sequel to this novel. It weaves its way in and out of the story as Ray investigates the death of .... Well, that would be giving away part of THIS story. Anyway, the sequel is complete. One of these days ... soon ... I plan to start writing my third "Ray Schiller" novel.

    Muchos gracias.

    Marjorie

reply by ddsaar on 30-Jan-2008
    Hi Marjorie.

    Hmm I have my deerstalker on (a cheap one) I sense you are in the same boat as me.
    I have written a book which is more or less complete. Then I found out my main character needed some explaining. the other book kind of leaps straight into action. So I am writing Pimm as a prequel to give more definition to my Inspector.
    The problem I have now got is what do I do with Pimm...kill him off or let him go?


    decisions decisions!

    David
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