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Reviews from
'Dear' Crossing


Viewing comments for Chapter 52 "Hello. Goodbye."

An investigation into a grisly death in Widmer, MN

  22 total reviews 
Comment by
catydid52
 
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Great chapter! My eyes were glued to my computer screen the whole time...lol

Your character, Dana is quite the greedy woman so often portrayed in movies...

Can't wait to read the next chapter.


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
    Dana is a very ruthless, conniving woman. She would have to be to earn such an ending for herself.

    Thanks so much, Catydid. I'm looking forward to getting more of your feedback!

    Marjorie

reply by catydid52 on 18-Feb-2008
    Your welcome!
Comment by
Pit Bull Mom
 
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Hi Ho! The wicked witch is dead. Serves her right. If I were Paul (granted, he's not the best of guys...) I would have been tempted to do the same thing. Who wouldn't?

Very dramatic.

Two more down, girl. Your character list is certainly thinning out!

Heather


 Comment Written 17-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
    Yes, it is, but who's counting? LOL
Comment by
Minataur
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I am officially and totally stunned at the turnof events! But it was lovely to see that nasty woman get what was coming to her. Can I surmise that somewhere along the way, Paul will fall down, too?

The dialog in your stories is entrancing. It sounds as though I could actually be sitting in the room with the people. (Glad I wasn't; would probably be on the floor with the other two.)

Beautifully done.

Hugs,

Maggie


 Comment Written 14-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 14-Feb-2008
    Maggie, your review both thrilled and amused me! Yes, by all means, surmise away! LOL I'm also very glad you weren't in the room with them. Not only would it have caused plot complications, it would also be extremely difficult to find a "replacement" for a person as kind and generous as you! Just stay safe and sound on THIS side of the pages.

    You're a gem, Maggie. Thanks!

    Marjorie
Comment by
HealingMuse
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  38
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  17
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Oh Geez, Marjorie - what a chapter!!!

Very nicely done, as always.

Only one incongruence: she put on a silk robe, then goes to the bedroom and comes back after "tucking a small handgun into her robe pocket as well."

I suppose her silk robe could've been quite thick but, as I read of her placing even a small handgun into her robe pocket, I immediately felt it very likely would've been obvious - even if not protruding - at least by the weight of it pulling on the fabric. (Given that the relationship was already quite strained due to all the deceit, with suspicion running high, Nick would've likely noticed this.)

Just a "thunk."

Thanks much for providing yet another exemplary chapter! Some great early morning reading - lol.

WRITE ON,

Jan


 Comment Written 12-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 12-Feb-2008
    Thanks for the "thunk." I thunk ... er, I mean I think you're absolutely right. Her robe is no longer silk; it is a "plush, blue robe." It's a great point and I'm so glad you thought of it. I guess it was a case of description vs. plausibility and description won by default.

    You rock!

    Marjorie


reply by HealingMuse on 16-Feb-2008
    Hi Marjorie,

    Well - "this author" paints SUCH effective images with her tight, descriptive writing, that I SAW it from Nick's point of view (LITERALLY). Being a dirtbag, he would "suspect" something odd with a "pees-tola" in her pocket, and he likely would've gotten the better of her before she could even draw on him.

    I'm glad you find my reviews helpful!

    I sure enjoy reading your writing!

    WRITE ON (will ya? lol),

    Jan
Comment by
sarahhitch
 
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Tease indeed.

Another great chapter, two more dead, but due to something other than whatever is happening with the boils...I will read on and see where this is leading.

Sarah.


 Comment Written 06-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
    Please do, Sarah. Thank you ... as always!

    Marjorie

reply by sarahhitch on 07-Feb-2008
    You're welcome, it has been a pleasure.

    Sarah.
Comment by
TomandOma
 
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Will Paul have to regret playing with the phone cord? Will he leave fingerprints somewhere?As a frequent visitor, I suppose he has an excuse for them, at any rate.

Be careful, Marjory! So many of your original cast have died that a new census may have to be taken, lol. And why did he call her Lucinda? Did I miss a chapter or is Alzheimer's getting the best of me? In any event, you've written an excellent mystery and the only thing that really bugs me is this: Was it realy deer ticks that caused the strange mania and the deaths that were't the result of murder?

My compliments on a truly complex plot.

Doris


 Comment Written 04-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 05-Feb-2008
    It's not Alzheimer's, Doris. LOL In an earlier chapter, Dana read Paul the riot act for calling her by her birth name--Lucinda Harger. She changed it to Dana Danforth, considering it a "winner's" name. She hated her old name. His calling her Lucinda ... even though she lies dead, is a final act of disrespect.

    The answers to the questions you've asked are coming up very shortly, I promise!

    Thanks so much for your terrific review, Doris. I hope you'll enjoy the final outcome.

    Marjorie

reply by TomandOma on 05-Feb-2008
    Thanks for the explanation, and I sort of recall it now.
Comment by
Celtic~Soul
 
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Hey, Marjorie! I sorta ended up here by accident, just browsing around to see what people were posting and don't youknow I stumbled onto your most excellent chapter! Sucked me in. Ooooo, so naughty, double-cross, murder, triple-cross and ha, take that you bitch! My only hesitation at all while reading, is that it felt a little like a 1940s B&W, with a large dose of melodrama - but I haven't read other chapters that may be exactly the feel you were looking for! Not bad really, just maybe hedged the realism a bit.

This novel has it all. This Paul dude sounds really rotten, I may have to check out a few other chapters just to see how bad. Excellent writing, nice and tight, ripping dialogue and good movement of characters. Chapter stands well on its own. Felt like I was right there! Nice piece of writing.
Hugs,
Dawn


 Comment Written 04-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
    Yup! Plenty of melodrama to be sure, Dawn. LOL I'm awfully glad you enjoyed the chapter. I'd be thrilled to have you read some of the others. It's great getting your valuable feedback.

    Thanks very, very much!

    Marjorie
Comment by
bookishfabler
 
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Almost near the end??? No, this is too short. I want more. Will there be a sequel? Or will you write another mystery. I love your teasing. it keeps me wanting more.
Great job with these chatracters. it's almost like two books in one.
hugs
book


 Comment Written 04-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
    I meant this to be a "character-driven" novel. So, between the rotten bunch in Minneapolis and the "good guys" fighting the good fight back in Widmer, it IS almost like two stories, I guess.

    The sequel is completed. I'm trying to rev myself up to start on the third Ray Schiller novel which takes place approximately three years after the events in this book. It's going to involve the Copper Kettle Cafe's own Amy Dexter as she becomes the focus of a murder investigation. I've been putting this one off for too long already.

    Thanks, Book. Big hug!

    Marjorie
Comment by
CALLAHANMR
 
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A well-planned end for your scheming duo, but some pieces of the mystery died with Dana and Nick.

Is Paul in the clear? What caused the town's plague? Was someone else in the basement? Inquiring minds want to know soon.

I found one small error: ["It's all been] for the two of us, Nick."... {I rarely suggest dialogue changes because our characters don't need to speak perfect English, but if you either say this out loud, or spell out the contraction to read{ It is all been}, you will see the mistake. Dana uses good English, so I suggest: {[It was for the two of us, Nick.? ] or alternately, if you are like some Fanstorians who think "was" is a pariah among words: [It has all been for the two of us, Nick.?} Don't you hate nit-pickers? LOL



 Comment Written 04-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
    I don't dare hate nit-pickers, Marilyn; I fall into that category myself ... frequently. Question: When I used the contraction "it's", I intended it as a contraction for "it has" rather than "it is." I thought it could be a contraction for either. If that's wrong, I'll certainly change it.

    The answers will all be supplied very shortly. The end is very near. Yay! Posting these chapters has taken so much more time and effort than I ever thought it would. I'm so glad I'm doing it, though. The help I've gotten is invaluable.

    Thanks, Marilyn!

    Marjorie

reply by CALLAHANMR on 05-Feb-2008
    You are correct. Try as I could I never thought it sounded right, I checked on line at
    http://www.stormloader.com/garyes/its/#top

    I think that I told you before, but CALLAHANMR is a writing team. M = Marilyn and R = ROGER. We met in a writer's workshop 47 years ago this week, became engaged on Valentine's Day and were married on ST. Patrick's Day.

    Actually we met in an elevator at SMU in Dallas after we both walked out of a totally dreadful workshop. Marilyn is the novelist and folklorist. I am a science and technology writer. We both work on reviews. I am responsible for this problem. Usually Marilyn is my spill chick and grandma chekker, but she was asleep when i did your review. Marilyn has threatened to send me back ti SPAG University after looking at my review.

    I am not posting any of my work at present, because I want to put most of my time into helping Marilyn complete our novel"The Masterpiece,"
    Roger

reply by the author on 05-Feb-2008
    I did know you and Marilyn are a writing team, Roger, but I only remembered seeing Marilyn's name at the end of reviews so I figured Marilyn wrote mine this last chapter. It's the first time I ventured to address CALLAHANMR by either of your names. A fifty-fifty chance and I blew it! LOL

    I love the story of how you met. At least something wonderful came out of that awful workshop!

    Thanks, Roger!

    Marjorie

reply by CALLAHANMR on 05-Feb-2008
    I usually put my name on reviews, but no concern about ID because we confer enough that we don't a;ways remember who wrote what. I am usually the reviewer on "Dear Crossing.." It is my kind of story. Also I have more time for reviews,

    The most important thing tu us is that we do real reviews. They help me with ny own style by finding either good techniques or common mistakes.

    I've noticed that some reviewers say they never skip a item after they stat a review. I think that is too bad. If you don't understand a story, poem or article, you can not do justice to a writer or yourself..

    Marilyn and I have read complete items, even spent a lot of time on them and then backed away from a review because we could not be fair. this is especially true if we have a prejudice toward subject matter.or don't understand what is written

    One more thing, we try not to be just SPAG police. Manny new writers have wonderful content, but poor structure, flow, punctuation and spelling. For that reason we try to rate far more for content and if possible, help with SPAG problems.

    I thoroughly enjoy your writing and always welcome it.
    Roger

reply by the author on 05-Feb-2008
    I'm always grateful to receive your reviews, Roger. You're always very conscientious about giving a "genuine" review--not fluff. I appreciate that more than you know! I really am here to improve. Your comments are so valued by me.

    Now ... when do we get a picture of both you and Marilyn in the CALLAHANMR bio?

    Marjorie
Comment by
Buctar
 
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Marjorie:

A great segment. I really enjoyed. Looks as if things are looking up for Paul. I could have told her that a .32 had no stopping power. That's why I keep a .45 here in the house.

A couple of very minor nits:

?Oh, and by the way//...? Dana?s eyes gleamed with satisfaction. (Needs a space after WAY.)

His dead eyes stared at her as she unsuccessfully struggled( )( )to rise. (Remove the extra space.)

I enjoyed the read.

Bill


 Comment Written 04-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 04-Feb-2008
    Right! A .32 is a wimpy weapon compared to a .45. I've fixed those spacing nits, Bill. I'm so glad to "hear" you enjoyed the chapter. I hope you enjoy the rest as well.

    Thanks loads, Bill!

    Marjorie
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