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Reviews from
'Dear' Crossing


Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "Answers"

An investigation into a grisly death in Widmer, MN

  21 total reviews 
Comment by
Pit Bull Mom
 
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Jeez, can you believe the good doc's reaction to the whole thing? He should he bowing over backwards that he's not being sued for malpractice! Indeed, a child in screaming pain and the doctor refusing to look at him without parental consent! (Of course you can believe it! You wrote it).

So glad to be catching up. I've missed this story terribly but just been too tied up to even log on!

No nits or SPAG noted.

Hugs,

Heather



 Comment Written 10-Apr-2008



reply by the author on 10-Apr-2008
    I think it's actually a law that a minor can't be treated without parental consent. But Dr. Daly is a jerk, pure and simple all the same!

    Thanks!

    Marjorie
Comment by
catydid52
 
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Wow! How? Where? When? Did it all begin, and come from.
I read the suspenseful sections and look forward to the next chapter.

The only thing I found was this sentence that requires and 's' on the end - Betty's hand...

Betty hand shook as she stroked the back of Gordy?s head as Ray prevented Gordy from moving.


 Comment Written 04-Mar-2008



reply by the author on 04-Mar-2008
    Catharine, I'm so glad you caught that ('s). It's in place now.

    Thanks for your great review and your help, too!

    Marjorie

reply by catydid52 on 04-Mar-2008
    Your welcome!
Comment by
IndianaIrish
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The length of this chapter is perfect, M. You needed to get all that stuff into one chapter and you did it with excellent dialogue and action that carries the reader along like they are part of the story.

Wonderful!

Indy :>)


 Comment Written 03-Mar-2008



reply by the author on 03-Mar-2008
    What a relief you feel that way! Yay!

    Indy, thank you.

    Marjorie
Comment by
sarahhitch
 
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All I can say is nasty, kinda knew the boils were at the tip of the problem....lol....

Loved this chapter, finally answers, even though we all had our ideas of what caused the infection. Now I need to know how and where they came from.

Sarah.


 Comment Written 28-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 28-Feb-2008
    The next chapter ought to give the answers to the remaining questions, Sarah. I wouldn't cheat you by letting it go there without more of an explanation. You do KNOW that, right? LOL

    Thanks!

    Marjorie
Comment by
medisec
 
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Well, this is really something ... maggots ... ewwwwww (I hate creepy crawlers), but I'm still anxious to know how/what this infestation actually is and where it came from. I'm sure the next chapter will reveal that. As usual, the dialogue is excellent and exciting. Thank God, not another body to count, thanks to Ray! Well done, Marjorie. I can't wait for the next chapter. I didn't find this too long a chapter (although longer than usual). But I think what you've included here is great.

I have a few suggestions (mostly commas):

name(,) please
I wish there (was) more I could do
doctor(,) but I don't...
Seconds later(,) she
sown(,) blossomed (no need for comma I don't think)

Hugs, Rae


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2008
    Darned commas! LOL I think I got them all, Rae. Thanks for your help and the wonderful feedback.

    (Yes. Yay, Ray!)

    XO

    Marjorie
Comment by
OldVet
 
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Ugh, gross!
Suggestions:
the unnaturally-created pocket. [Don't use a hyphen with an adverb.]
as larvae fed on living flesh Note: Maggots don't feed on living flesh, only that which is dead. In fact, maggots have been used to treat infected wounds.
?norm?. 'norm.' periods and commas go inside.


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2008
    Yes ... VERY gross.

    I've removed the hyphen. (You're absolutely right and I know that, too. Stupid mistake!) I'll move that period as soon as I can find it. It's difficult finding a single word.

    About the maggots .... There are some exceptions. I hope you enjoy the next chapter, OLDVET. Thanks so much for your great review and valued help!

    Marjorie

Comment by
ddsaar
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Brilliant!
This is a great chapter Marjorie.
It has everything in it..The reader is virtually shouting at the doctor ...treat the boy!
It flows beautifully, the dialogue just falls off the page.
The reader goes through all the emotions as they read down the page with the final one being rage at wanting to get hold of the doctor and give him a bloody good punch on the nose.

I am never going to be able to look at a spot in the same way again - ever!

as for the length..you have shown here that, some chapters need that extra few paragrpahs to be able to make it work.
I wouldn't worry about it at all...you write so well the reader will be turning the pages to see where it is going.
Well done

david
x


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2008
    I treasure these comments, David. Thank you so very much!

    Marjorie
Comment by
penelope
 
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What a disgusting maggot-filled cavity. Reminds me of something I saw about survivors of a plane crash in South America somewhere, in the jungle. The survivors had similar maggot-infested wounds.

Very fast-paced chapter. Just goes to show, when the writing is captivating, the length of the chapter doesn't matter. What a hero Ray is here. The doctor is something else. Don't the police have the power to enforce him to comply?

Well done! Penelope


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2008
    Ah, yes ... South America! When you read the next chapter, you'll understand the significance of your comment, Penelope.

    I can't say for sure, but I think the police would have to back up the doctor's refusal to treat the boy without parental consent since it's a law. Maybe they could do it if they got a court order. Ray didn't have that kind of time, of course. It's an awfully good question, though.

    After I started the story out with Ray being such a royal pain, it was a real challenge to turn his character around. Your reaction is music to my ears. On the other hand, Daly is just a huge jerk. No getting around it. LOL

    Penelope, thanks very much!

    Marjorie
Comment by
bookishfabler
 
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Me personally like shorter chapters, In my work as well. But, I'm so hooked on your book, it wouldn't matter either way. Long short, novela length, I love it. And Yuck!. by the way.
That is some good Doctor. I would be the first on the horn to report this strange thing.
I'm assuming there's more, right. Great job.
hugs
book


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2008
    One more chapter and then the epilogue, Book. Whew! I'm planning to take a short break before I start posting the chapters to the completed sequel. I make a solemn promise .... There are absolutely no insects in the sequel! It's a straightforward mystery/crime story with Ray and Dick Waverly trying to find Paul Davis's killer. Ray's relationship with Gail weaves its own tale in and out of the rest.

    As always, thanks tons, Book!

    XO

    Marjorie
Comment by
Buctar
 
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Marjorie:

I'm glad to finally know what was causing all this problem is, and I'm glad this is not the end of the story. I would feel cheated at this point. Keep it coming.

A couple of observations:

?All right. I?ll--I?ll tell the doctor.? (If this is halting speech, I would use ellipses. [?The ellipsis, which consists of three periods with a space before and after each is used in the middle of a sentence of dialogue to indicate halting speech, as if the character were unsure of himself or striving to say precisely the right thing or at the end of dialogue to indicate a voice trailing off.? Page 73 Writing Realistic Dialogue and Flash Fiction?Harvey Stanbrough])

but couldn't be comforted(.)(.) (Remove the extra period.)

You switch from Ray's POV to Betty's without notice. You might want to go back and look at that.

I enjoyed the read.

Bill


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2008



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2008
    That POV shift just snuck right in there. (I was going to say "wormed its way in there", but thought better of it. LOL) POV shifts seem to be a real stumbling block for me. It's not something I do intentionally; they just ... happen. I'm so grateful to you for catching that, Bill. I've rewritten those lines, trying to keep the essence of them.

    Bill, what can I say? You rock! They won't let me give you another "Thumbs Up" this month. I only wish I could.

    Big cyber-hug.

    Marjorie
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