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Reviews from
'Dear' Crossing


An investigation into a grisly death in Widmer, MN

  22 total reviews 
Comment by
bazinfan
 
 
Average
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Prologue -
Prologue
This was a very compelling prologue. You draw the reader in with a lot of very interesting and unanswered questions. Although the scene is incredibly provocative and I really enjoyed the intrigue I did feel like you might be able to amp up this section with some more details. For example, you mentioned the traffic in Widmer. Well, not being familiar with this place at all, I wondered if that meant there was a lot of traffic or a little. Did this mean a single beaten pick up truck making a delivery or did it mean something a bit more like rush hour? I love this idea for an introduction so I really wanted to get a clearer sense of the setting, since you've done such a marvelous job of painting the aftermath of what I can only imagine was a gruesome event. I look forward to reading more!

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 09-May-2011



reply by the author on 09-May-2011
    I think I do tend to skim over settings. Not a good thing to do, I know. Sometimes I find it hard to find a good balance where it's just enough instead of too much or too little.

    I mentioned in my earlier reply that I've been away from the site for quite a while. The reason is that I've been completely "restructuring" this novel. While I'd love to have you finish reading it "as is", I'm planning to finish the re-write and publish it as an ebook. If you care to read both versions, boy oh boy, I would forever appreciate hearing your reaction to the story changes! Having gotten more writing experience under my belt between then and now, hopefully you'll find the writing, in general, better than what you see in this version.

    Many thanks, bazinfan.

    Marjorie
Comment by
Pit Bull Mom
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 60 -
New Beginnings
Wonderful ending! Had I know I was this close the end, I would have logged on weeks ago! I can see your problem with classifying this novel. I would say it falls under Sci Fi, but it also whirls around Mystery, Suspense and Crime as well!

I found these two things to comment on:

painful during later stages of development.
The development. (Delete "The Development." - I have no idea what it's doing there... or rather it was intentional!)

"You ask me how dangerous." He pursed his lips. "I'd say it?s no more dangerous than a fall from a high building. The fall won?t kill you, but the landing ....? It was an old line, but it fit. (Perfect line!!!)


I can't believe you've had a problem placing this story. It ends so perfectly set up for the next one. Have you started posting the sequal yet? If so, I'll start digging through my PM box and looking for it. When I logged on I posted something of my own and went straight over to dig out your novel and pick up where I left off. I haven't even looked at any of my other messages! lol!)

Hugs,

Heather


 Comment Written 10-Apr-2008



reply by the author on 10-Apr-2008
    Hmm. I thought I replied, but your review is showing again, Heather. I must not have hit the OK key. Whoops.

    I'm ecstatic that you think so highly of this epilogue! It's probably the biggest change I made to the story when I posted here.

    I'm hoping this latest revision will see publication eventually. I've got all my body parts crossed ... and it's darned painful!

    So far, I've posted the prologue and first four chapters of the sequel, Shadow Tag. If you find the time, I'd love to have your feedback on that, too. No rush.

    Your American Soldier piece was fantastic!

    XO

    Marjorie
Comment by
Pit Bull Mom
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 59 -
Frustration
Wow! This sounds, point for point, like a classic beaurocartic FU! Very real.

No nits or SPAG.

Rushing on while I still have some time.

Hugs,

Heather


 Comment Written 10-Apr-2008



reply by the author on 10-Apr-2008
    I was going for realism. Guess I got it, eh? LOL

    Thanks, Heather!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Pit Bull Mom
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 58 -
Answers
Jeez, can you believe the good doc's reaction to the whole thing? He should he bowing over backwards that he's not being sued for malpractice! Indeed, a child in screaming pain and the doctor refusing to look at him without parental consent! (Of course you can believe it! You wrote it).

So glad to be catching up. I've missed this story terribly but just been too tied up to even log on!

No nits or SPAG noted.

Hugs,

Heather



 Comment Written 10-Apr-2008



reply by the author on 10-Apr-2008
    I think it's actually a law that a minor can't be treated without parental consent. But Dr. Daly is a jerk, pure and simple all the same!

    Thanks!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Lady Waukesha
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 29 -
Found and Lost
Well, I can't say I'm surprised. Nick really did this to himself the poor dumb bastard.

Very realistic dialogue in this exchange. You do a good job interjecting little bits of action here and there--like the whole deal with him taking out his wallet--that way it's not just talking heads back and forth.

good skills, my girlfriend.

That's all for tonight. More tomorrow...

:-D


 Comment Written 06-Apr-2008



reply by the author on 07-Apr-2008
    Thanks so much, Tracy.

    It's 4:18.a.m. and I've got to TRY to catch a few more winks of sleep before 5:30.

    Later!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Lady Waukesha
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 28 -
Plan B
ooh that Dana is such a little BEE-YOTCH! She's the kind of character we just love to hate. tee-hee.

I feel terrible for poor Nick. he's dumber than a bag of marbles isn't he?

You've got me hooked and gagging for more...


 Comment Written 06-Apr-2008



reply by the author on 07-Apr-2008
    Right on both counts, Tracy! hehehe

    Muh-wah!

    Marjorie
Comment by
Lady Waukesha
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 27 -
Rebound
?I don?t know about this Costales character. If I shook his hand again, I think I'd want to go wash. (LOL! good line.)

Now they are really get into it knee-deep...can't wait to keep reading. (smile.)


 Comment Written 06-Apr-2008



reply by the author on 06-Apr-2008
    Super! Just don't wear out your eyeballs. You need them to continue writing and posting your own novel!

    XO
Comment by
Lady Waukesha
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 26 -
Costales
Uh-oh...this is a VERY interesting development. Another good chapter. This is such a good story. You keep the reader engaged every step of the way. No suggestions.


 Comment Written 06-Apr-2008



reply by the author on 06-Apr-2008
    Whatever you do, Tracy, don't feel like you have to hurry and read. These chapters will be up for viewing for who know how long? Do it only on an if/when you feel like it basis!

    XOXO

    Marjorie
Comment by
Lady Waukesha
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 25 -
A New Clue
I'm here picking up where I left off. Woody is smarter than we thought, huh? Good chapter--I'm glad to get back to it, MD!


 Comment Written 06-Apr-2008



reply by the author on 06-Apr-2008
    Woody's no dope, just strictly a by-the-books sort of cop. Ray's edgier. He's more inclined to trust his own instincts.

    Thanks, Tracy!
Comment by
Lady Waukesha
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 24 -
Near Miss
WTF?

What's going on with that bull? This is starting to sound Veeerrryyy mysterious. I'm intrigued. Good excitement with Woody nearly getting trampled to death.

fiction is tension and excitement and this chapter is full of it.

shew! I LIKE it!


 Comment Written 29-Mar-2008



reply by the author on 29-Mar-2008
    I hope I can keep you saying that all the way through!

    XO
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