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Reviews from
Dark Tales


Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "My Brother Stephen"

A collection of short tales of the supernatural

  47 total reviews 
Comment by
CMWilliams39
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Great story! You had me hooked towards the end, and your writing is very good. Though, I have to point out one line in the piece.

Please, open the door so we can talk." He pleaded for another-the word 'He' needs to be lower-cased. I struggle with that too, but I'm getting the hang of it.

I hope this has been helpful to you. I look forward to reading more of your work.


 Comment Written 12-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 12-Nov-2018
    Thanks for the review. I wrote it many years ago. Not sure the "He" in this case isn't the start of a narrative sentence rather than a speech attribution, though. Thanks again.

reply by CMWilliams39 on 12-Nov-2018
    No problem. I'm still getting used to speech attribution. Again, I really loved the story, especially the ending.
Comment by
Rasmine
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Cool writing. I am searching out writing I want to read. I have only a few to go before I get to 25, then I will have my quota of reviews for the day. :D
I hope you do well if you write a whole novel and try to publish.


 Comment Written 05-Mar-2018



reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
    Thanks, Rasmine. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment by
Dav54
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Great story! I'm impressed (and envious) of how well you tell a story in such a short space. I feel I've achieved something when a short story is less than 3k words. Thanks for the inspiration!


 Comment Written 16-Feb-2016



reply by the author on 16-Feb-2016
    I envy those who come up with a lot of words. Everything I write is "tight," but for a novel, you need close to 80,000 words. 80,000!
Comment by
Jordan Rose
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
HI. I love a good vampire story and this is one! I enjoyed the relationship of the brothers and the surprise ending with the wife turning him, too. Great job. Thanks for sharing. Jordan


 Comment Written 29-Nov-2009



reply by the author on 29-Nov-2009
    Hello, Jordan. Glad you liked it, and thanks for reviewing.
Comment by
Dave M
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Nor,

This is an excellent story, and without any nits that I could find. So Bob was a little late...

Your last several paragraphs are indented differently from the rest of your post. Must be something Evil Eddie did.

Dave


 Comment Written 01-Jun-2009



reply by the author on 02-Jun-2009
    Eddie hates me! Thanks, Dave. It was fun to write, but I guess to short to be a contender in a site contest. I should have saved it for flash fiction. Appreciate the review, as always.
Comment by
Jendowoz
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Excellent and compelling short prose, Nor. It is fantastic the way you carried the intrigue all the way through and the ending was so...nonchalant, I loved the way you ended it. What a great piece of writing.


 Comment Written 19-May-2009



reply by the author on 19-May-2009
    Thanks, Jen! I hope "The Committee" agrees with you, because this was for a site contest. Thanks, as always for your review.
Comment by
prodigal
Level 1 Pro
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  200
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Interesting story, Nor, and yes I do see the difference in delivery. You use the word "I" just as often as I do, but don't start the sentences with it. I think I can do this. thanks for the lesson- Sam


 Comment Written 17-May-2009



reply by the author on 17-May-2009
    Sure you can. Just be sure you don't start back-to-back paragraphs with it -- at least not often. I gave you some examples on the forum, too. Thanks for the review.
Comment by
Vladilynn
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

WOW!!!!! i loved this one too!! i didn't know that you write horror story!!!?? wow!!!! again I've enjoyed every part of it...scenes and dialogs..I loved it!

Thank you for sharing

Love much,

Lynn ( ^ _______ ^ )
good luck!!!


 Comment Written 14-May-2009



reply by the author on 14-May-2009
    Thank you, Lynn! I'm glad you liked it that much. I hope the contest committee does, too.
Comment by
nora arjuna
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This got me curious, so I read on. So you could write about vampires too. And it's slightly different from the usual. I enjoyed it. Best of luck to you.


 Comment Written 14-May-2009



reply by the author on 14-May-2009
    Glad you liked it, Arjuna. Yes, I've written a romance with a ghost; a story about a young knight with a magical unicorn; a pirate; a haunted cemetery; the haunting by the Wild Hunt; a haunted glade; and of course the war stories. This is the first vampire tale I've written, although I've written about werewolves several times. It was fun. The contest gave me the opening sentence, which sparked the idea. If the window was shut to keep out the cold, what else might it keep out? Glad you liked it, and thanks for the review.

reply by nora arjuna on 14-May-2009
    yeah i know about the opening sentence. i submitted an entry too.

reply by the author on 14-May-2009
    Oh boy, the competition just got tougher!

reply by nora arjuna on 14-May-2009
    lol, same on this side. :)
Comment by
AlvinTEthington
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
What a turn at the end. This is very good what I would term flash fiction. Not a word is wasted and the action is fast-paced, but enough background is given for the understanding of the story. I read the story with interest. You obviously did you research about vampires. Good job.


 Comment Written 13-May-2009



reply by the author on 14-May-2009
    Hello, Alvin. I'm glad you liked it. Flash fiction works well for me, because I'm stingy with words. I hope the committee likes flash fiction. Thanks for reviewing.
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