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Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Nathan Stanley"

A woman is stalked by a fan

  13 total reviews 
Comment by
Allezw2
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Lady Gayle,

Another wing dinger.

A distant admirer facing off with the dog man now, too.

Be interesting to see how you resolve, or more likely involve, this one.

The description of Cathy as he first sees her is remarkable.

Nicely done,

Fantasist



 Comment Written 13-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
    Hey Wayne, you're just ripping through. Thank you for the support, my friend!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
bookishfabler
 
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I love getting into the antagonist's mind. My favorite part. You did this well.

Nathan knew she lived in the Del Mar area(,) but had no idea they were neighbors.

hugs
book


 Comment Written 06-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
    Hey Heidi,

    We're getting it all out in the open now. Pretty soon, we'll be charging around the place.

    I'll get that comma!

    Thanks for the R&R!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
Dave M
 
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Gayle,

Ah, we meet the crazy man. Things are falling in place, and I'll bet he can't stand it when Rudy moves in with Cathy. You did an excellent job of showing how crazy Nathan is without doing a lick of telling.

I enjoyed this read and couldn't find a thing to criticize.

Dave


 Comment Written 04-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
    Hey Dave!

    Glad you liked this one. Things are about to get sticky here. Can't wait to see your take on them!

    Thanks for the great review,

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
RenieReader
 
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Swoon. This is an elegant chapter, Gayle. The emotions portrayed can be felt on every level. I can feel the earth shake as Nathan watches her with hungry eyes and loving heart. Wow!

Not a nit in sight.

Hugs,
Renie


 Comment Written 04-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
    Hi Renie,

    Thanks so much for the super duper comments. Yes, poor Nathan. He's about to start down a road from which there is no turning back. Oy!

    Hugs and big thanks,
    Gayle
Comment by
Sasha
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Sasha
 
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This is another excellent chapter. Your descriptions conjure up strong,vivid imagery that really pull the reader into the story. You have done a marvelous job leaving the reader wondering about the secret love this man has for Cathy and whether he has anything to do with the disappearance of her dog. Very good work.


 Comment Written 04-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
    Nathan's creepy, isn't he? I love to work with characters like this. Pretty soon you're going to see the dogs go to work. That's so much fun to write!

    Hey, thanks again, talk soon,

    Gayle
Comment by
joelh605
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She swayed back and forth to a tune unheard by any other, ethereal music,

Gayle, buddy, I gotta get me summa that non-"ethereal" music - - the kind that does have a sense of hearing ;-)

He knew he'd captured three or four pictures that were extra special and spoke to her about his hopes for them, for their future.

Properly spooky - I like the delicate touch that leaves us suspecting this guy is a stalker, and "future" doesn't really allude to the pictures at all.

Joel

=-=-=
A gust of warm salty air ruffled his hair and he smiled, adjusting his Ray Ban aviators. He loved his rooftop patio and spent most of his leisure time there,

"his" occurs three [URK!] four times here - and a fifth/sixth starting/ending the next para.


 Comment Written 04-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
    Okay, did I use 'ethereal' wrong? I'm thinking of, like flutes, real 'other worldly' sounds, rather than, say, my first thoughts...Lady In Red. Oh well, you know me well, Joel. I'm a romantic loon!

    OY! Yes, I need to fix that. I did that a while back with the she's.

    Will get in there and tweak stuff. Thanks so much for the wonderful review and iput!

    Hugs,
    Gayle

reply by joelh605 on 04-Jan-2010
    It's not "ethereal" - music of the spheres, remote and airy, is that. It's that your sentence is about ethereal music hearing tunes. ;-)

reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
    LOL! Why am I doing so much of that? I hoped the comma would fix that...not so, huh?

    Sometimes I tickle myself, I swear.
Comment by
Readywriter52
 
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Nathan Stanley has quite a crush on Cathy. I think his delusion is so great he actually thinks he met her and they share common interests. The story mentions that he photographs her, but it doesn't say anything about whether they actually met.


 Comment Written 03-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
    Oh, yes, he sure does. He's obsessed with her and I don't think he's going to like Rudy! LOL!

    Gayle
Comment by
rwilliam
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"A gust of warm salty air ruffled his hair and he smiled, adjusting his Ray Ban aviators." Love the visual I get in reading this!

I really enjoyed this chapter.

I didn't see any thing to "correct" or edit.Good job! :-)

Here's another idea about internal dialogue that they told me in school. Put it in italics. It shows that they are thinking it. Just one more way to try it. :-)


 Comment Written 03-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
    Hi William,

    So nice to see you again. Thanks for the great review. About the italics. I do that in the ms but here on Fanstory, I can't because EE, the Evil Advanced Editor infests my work with ???s and all kinds of other problems. But yes, I wish I could do that here!

    Thanks again,
    Gayle
Comment by
shelley kaye
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ooh a new guy.... he saw who dognapped suzi huh? lol

one part: [The light breeze rippled through gown and hair,] - sounded.... weird kinda (or it could be just me :-P)

other than that a good chapter
didn't notice any spaggies or typos

thanx for sharing!
shelley :)


p.s. use the basic editor and just type the code for italics - way easier lol :)



 Comment Written 03-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
    Hey She..oops, shelley,
    (lol)

    Anyway, that was just me getting cutsie with the word order. Does it sound confusing? I wanted to be kinda 'literary' there. If anyone else mentions it, I'll make fix.

    I can't believe you're home on this glorious sunny day! Did they steal the beach?

    And you suggest I let EE into my life? No way, Jose!

    Hugs,
    Gayle

reply by shelley kaye on 03-Jan-2010
    not really confusing, just a little weird sounding (like i said, prob just me lol)
Comment by
Valkarie
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Having read this piece of work twice I may say I have to award the writer a six star. I think it is an outstanding piece of descriptive writing, it took me into Nathan Stanley's home his kitchen and his thoughts and mind.
I especially like the lines :"Sitting there holding court in some exclusive little bistro at the edge of the universe." This is exceptional in describing narrative, and if one can at least get the reader to read their piece twice and keep them glued to the page, all I can say is that is a good piece of writing. From a good writer.

Valkarie


 Comment Written 03-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
    Oh, my goodness, a sixer from a new friend! As much as I liked that, though, I must say the comments made my heart sing. I just love words, don't you, and when you can twist them into little gems that others like, well, that's the cherry on the cake.

    Funny, I love your name. In a book I wrote a while back, there's a plane the owner named Valkyrie. Spelt a little different, but I still love it.

    Thanks again, wow, you made my day!

    Gayle

reply by Valkarie on 03-Jan-2010
    Hello Gale,
    well your short story or part of, that I read just took me back, I know that the few stories that I've written I use very descriptive lines that's just the way it is, and like I said if one can make a reader not get bored while looking at your work, well all I can say is what I gave you. I look forward to reading more of you.
    Valkarie...
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