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Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Cathy and Rudy"

A woman is stalked by a fan

  13 total reviews 
Comment by
Allezw2
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Lady Gayle,

As you say, an easy intro to the pair. Just about dinner time here and this one is enough to get the lips smacking.

Gotta tell you, I've never had an issue handling peppers, however, after Steph, #2 daughter, wound up in the emergency room in Albuquerque while cutting up peppers for salsa, I do wear gloves now.

Never had a problem with raw jalapenos though. We used to eat them with our sandwiches when on our Boy Scout hikes. They still taste like bell peppers with a late blooming heat.

How fortunate we are to eat because we like the tastes, rather than sheer survival.

Nice one,

Fantasist.


 Comment Written 13-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
    Hey Wayne,

    Yes, it can be deadly. Capsin, is it? Oh, what it must do to the tummy...and kids eat them. I don't like them. I use poblanos, which can be quite spicy, but not that zinger hot.

    Thanks again,

    Gayle
Comment by
bookishfabler
 
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I noticed how well you paint a picture of the surraoundings. In other words, your strong suit is description, where I'm told mine is dialogue. Maybe we should get together. LOL.


at the open-air(,) French cafe.

"I think I'll take the bear claw(,) but I really should pass.


'And I'm actually getting paid for this? Gorgeous spot, beautiful place and the company of a lovely lady. I know what Jim meant when he called her a doll. I should be paying, not the other way around.'

(I know you put in singal quoates, but I think you may want to italize his thought.)

hugs book


 Comment Written 06-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
    Ya mean, like, collaborate? Snicker? Ah, I love all parts of writing. Sometimes I worry about winning the Bulwar Lytton prize for purple prose, but what the heck, I love beautiful words!

    I can't do italics here - EE hates me and infests me with ?s and God knows what-all. Rest assured, it's in italics in the ms.

    Thanks bunches for the review and the comments AND the chuckle!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
RenieReader
 
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Oh, yay! I love this 'Let's get acquainted chapter.' You've done a superb job of giving us the look and feel of both Cathy and Rudy.

(You have a place where you have him 'nod,' maybe let him catch himself and say something trivial to let her know he is listening.)

I'm a [wiz==>whiz] at the barbeque grill and use a microwave like a pro.

a head of lettuce.

Hugs,
Renie


 Comment Written 05-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
    LOL! Yes, m'dear, I'll change that. Good grief!

    I can't wait until I finally get everyone on the playing field so we can get going. This is hard on the monitor. In the ms, we're only on page 40!

    Thanks for the great words and catches!

    Hugs,
    Gayle

reply by RenieReader on 08-Jan-2010
    Oh, me too. :D
Comment by
ZigzagMLT
 
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Well revealed. I have already read what follows, but this story is well built, so I was not lost.

Again, this is a wonderful piece, from top to bottom.

Zigzagmlt


 Comment Written 05-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
    Hi Zig,

    Don't you hate when that happens, reading out of order. Glad to know you're okay with it. Your comments always make me smile. Thanks so much,

    Gayle

reply by ZigzagMLT on 05-Jan-2010
    You are so welcome. Those pieces of writing that are memorable are well worth rereading. Z
Comment by
Dave M
 
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Gayle,

This is an excellent chapter. If it's a bit too long, I think that is mostly because you enjoy so much describing the good life in Del Mar. All the same, you describe the good life so well, and I enjoyed reading it.

I found one nit:

"...a sweet onion and two Anaheim chilies and a jalape?o," Evil Eddie doesn't take kindly to tildes. It replaced the "n" of "jalepeno" with a question mark. I'd just replace it with a plain "n" and not worry about the tilde.

Dave


 Comment Written 04-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
    Hey Dave!

    That swine EE. I'll get right in there and fix. Another one he doesn't like is cafe.

    I do love Del Mar and I guess it shows! I'm glad you don't mind wading through the 'pan and scan' because I love to read descriptions, especially of places I doubt I'll ever go.

    Thanks again for the great input and review!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
Sasha
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This is a perfect place to stop. I am a firm believer that a good writer does not have to have a cliffhanger or present an unanswered question to the reader to keep them interested. This chapter flowed very well and was pleasant to read. Rudy sounds like a great guy and I look forward to getting to know him better.


 Comment Written 04-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
    Ah, Sasha, that's good to hear. It's so often a contrived end, you know, and I don't like them. Glad we're of one mind and I'm glad you like Rudy. He's cool, huh?

    Gayle
Comment by
joelh605
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I'm dogmatically certain about much.
Hey, it's MY flaw - go get your own!
 
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Cathy chuckled. "Hurry summer."
"Won't be long now."


LOL do you guys spend all 12 months back in Tierra Caliente? the waters off Southern California are roughly 7 months out of phase, so summer's water temps are chilly, and winter's are not. I believe the world has two primary sorts of folks: First, those who live 0 to 75 miles north of the Tijuana border and within a few miles of the ocean, and Second, victims of circumstance. I spent a few marvelous years in Encinitas, where I encountered just two seasons, either of which would be taken for a different week in spring almost anywhere else.

If only that area weren't so doggoned pricey I'd scope out a place to retire there.

She laughed, deep rippling chuckles. "Oh, me, that's funny. So, do you live alone?"

Gayle, good golly Miss Molly is this going to be a chick-flick romance too? [wink wink]

They drew in deep breaths and giggled with delight.

Yah, de Govuhnatoah can tell dis is going to be tchick vflick awl de vay. De next time you tshow me a Navy Seal who gigglss, I'll call you a girly girly vumann!

Grins,

Joel
=-=-=
The sliding glass door opened onto an expansive patio with an unobstructed view of the ocean. Boats of all kinds drifted across the vast blue plateau.

?? A plateau is a piece of land set above the surrounding plains. panorama? tableau?

Her detached recitation of the events leading to the discovery of her blindness, although mechanical and rehearsed, held no self-pity.

Minor "craft" issue: suppose you make "recite" the verb here instead of "held" - it brings us along with the action, doesn't it? You're the experienced pro, so if it's better as-is, kewl.


 Comment Written 04-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
    Joel, you are a positive riot! And yes, I guess a Seal, even a retired seal, wouldn't giggle. Okay, I'll fix.

    I guess plateau just won't work for water, will it? Rats. And yes, there will be some romance for sure.

    Now, about living here. It's heaven, pure and simple. Yesterday we hit 75 ... not bad for the first week in January. It is terribly expensive to live anywhere you'd want to live, lol, but if you hit the jackpot, man, California, here I come!

    Hugs and big thanks,
    Gayle
Comment by
rwilliam
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Good chapter. You lay out these two characters very well.

"Behind them, a fully equipped outdoor kitchen provided sinks, oven, range, a fridge, a large grill and a fire pit for outdoor entertaining."

Just an opinion okay, but be careful of too much description. I mean saying it's an outdoor kitchen would be sufficient. Now , I understand that a lot of people like that, but for ME when I read books with so much unnecessary descriptions I end up skimming and then turning pages and soon I lose interest.

This is something to just be aware of okay. They say in school not to undermine the intelligence of our readers. Just something to ponder. :-)

This is one example of others I noticed in the past few days in reading your work.

It's important to "show" your characters rather than "tell" me all about them. I can learn about them as I go along with the story.

I hope it's alright that I am passing along to you what I am learning? I've noticed it has really helped with the flow of my story. I think it would be good to go back over this chapter and see where you can cut out unnecessary description, or telling.

Keep up the good work. I do hope you will let me continue to read more of your work.




 Comment Written 03-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
    EEK! I know what you mean. I call it 'pan and scan'. Oh boy, I'm doing that, huh? Well, I'll get in there and tone it down.

    And William, it is ALWAYS most appreciated when you share your knowledge and I hope you always feel welcome to stop by for a read and a chat!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
Readywriter52
 
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Rudy sounds like an interesting man. Hopefully he can get Cathy out of the apartment and more active. I wonder what Nathan will think when he sees Rudy. He thinks that Cathy is his girlfriend.


 Comment Written 03-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
    Rudy is a gem. I predict that you are going to like him very much!

    Gayle
Comment by
shelley kaye
taking each day
a night at a time
 
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no actually i think it's a good place to stop :)

didn't notice any spaggies or typos except a stray question mark ? in the middle of an jalapeno towards the end lol

a couple things i did note though....
the part where rudy gets to the building and the desk lady nods at the elevator.... then all of a sudden he's ringing the doorbell.... feels like there's something missing there....

also in the part where rudy and cathy are sitting down to eat breakfast
"So, what do we have here?" Cathy turned toward Rudy and nodded.

"All kinds of yogurt plus bite sizes of melon, strawberries, bananas and grapes. There's a bran muffin, an almond bear claw and a sticky bun. What's your preference?"

don't know about anyone else but i had to read it twice to figure out who's speaking :-P

other than that, still a good chapter! so.... i'll be waiting for the final chapter part with my orange juice (don't like coffee HA!)

keep 'em comin' and thanx for sharing!
shelley :)


 Comment Written 03-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 03-Jan-2010
    Gee, shelley, I wonder how that ? got in there. Hmmm, let me see! EVIL EDDIE! Strike that man with lightning! Break his kneecaps! Thanks for the heads up. Guess EE doesn't speak Spanish!

    Well, Rudy is describing the breakfast fare to her.

    Now, about the OJ. Is that with pulp or without?

    Hugs,
    Gayle

reply by shelley kaye on 03-Jan-2010
    okay that's weird i know i click five stars :-P oh yea without pulp of course :)

reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
    I was wonderin' about that star...missing in action! LOL! Not a problem my little friend. So, yesterday here, 75. You?

reply by shelley kaye on 04-Jan-2010
    same.... don't ya just love cali? :)
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