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Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "A Drifting Mind"

A woman is stalked by a fan

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
Allezw2
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Lady Gayle,

It is an interesting trip through this psycho's fantasies.

Nothing like a secret admirer, if they stay secret.

This guy is getting on their nerve3s though.

Now they are to be out in the country with all of those dogs and lots of room to run, too.

Nicely done,

Wayne


 Comment Written 23-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
    Hey Buddy, you're making up for lost time, huh?

    I love to write about stuff like this, although the research does get to be a bit much. Glad you liked it!

    Thanks again, Wayne,
    Gayle

reply by Allezw2 on 24-Jan-2010
    Play on!
Comment by
RenieReader
 
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This is getting to intense I can hardly stand it. Nothing like a lunatic who is sane part of the time to keep ones teeth on edge. Yet, they walk among us.

He'd recognized Rudy from the parking lot, hating his rival[on sight] in a wild, feral way(; ).

Hugs,
Renie


 Comment Written 10-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
    Renie, you would not believe the number of people who have this, to a greater or lesser degree. I'll add 'on sight' as you're right, it makes the sentence clearer!

    Hugs,
    Gayle

reply by RenieReader on 12-Jan-2010
    Well, we can't ALL be wrong. Giggle.
Comment by
c_lucas
 
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You are doing a good job of making Norman into a real nut case. I like the way you are using all of the characters in the upcoming showdown.


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
    Hey Charlie,

    Now we can really start moving. Thanks for the great review!

    Gayle

reply by c_lucas on 09-Jan-2010
    You're welcome, Gayle. Charlie
Comment by
Sasha
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Sasha
 
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Once again you have written a superb chapter and left me breathless with anticipation of what is to come next. Your style of writing continues to impress me. I especially like how you convey the inner thoughts and demons of Norman adding tremendous fear of what this character is capable of. I only found one sentence you may want to look at. Not a big deal, just a suggestion.


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
    Hey Sasha,

    I'd be glad to look at that sentence. Did you send it in a pm. Will check.

    So glad I can hold your interest. One of your talent in writing has so much to share with others and I sure thank God that day you hit the 'next up' button. That was you, right?

    However it happened, I'm sure glad I met you!

    Gayle
Comment by
jayesnb
 
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You have a done a wonderful job with Norman... He has captured my attention and is holding it. A very good job with the development of this character ove the last few chapters...

There is nothing I can see to fix or change.. Wish I had more to give in that regard to help you.. But since I dont I'll just cntinue to give encouragement..
great job once again.


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
    Thank you so much, Jaye, I really appreciate seeing you and hope you'll continue to read along!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
shelley kaye
taking each day
a night at a time
 
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[heart rate] <-- shouldn't this be one word?

[Oh, you're so dead.'] <-- suggestion: since this is his thoughts maybe spell out 'you are'? (Oh, you are so dead.) - say it aloud like 'oh you are sooo dead' -- just a thought ;)

other than that stuff another great chapter
can't wait to see if 'norman' follows them all the way to the ranch.... and what happens then hehe

thanx for sharing!
shelley :)







 Comment Written 08-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
    Hey Shelley,

    Absolutely right on the 'you're so dead' Yes. Will adjust. I'll also check out. Heartbeat or heart beat, both right depending on how it's used. Now I have to go see.

    Hugs and big thanks,
    Gayle
Comment by
patmedium
 
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Horrendous: edge-of-my-seat stuff.
This is simply too much, Gayle, keeping me waiting like this. Moan Moan Grumble grumble!
Congratulations, dear.
Pat.


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
    LOL! Poor dude, but wait, more is coming. The next couple of chapters will spell things out better! Stay tuned!

    Hugs,
    Gayle

reply by patmedium on 08-Jan-2010
    Fancy telling me to stay tuned... I'm tied to your shirt tails! Pat.
Comment by
Readywriter52
 
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The guy is crazy. He actually thinks that Cathy left him. What I want to know is what happened to Nathan Stanley. Are Norman and Nathan the same person?


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
    Oh, yes he is. And very smart; crafty, too. Norman is Nathan's inner personality. Nathan gets kinda run over by Norman whenever it suits his purpose.

    Thanks for the great review,

    Gayle
Comment by
joelh605
Level 2 Pro
I'm dogmatically certain about much.
Hey, it's MY flaw - go get your own!
 
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He scooped up some olives, smiling as he heard her talk with joy of Suzi's safe return.

Yo! Thanks for reinforcing the fact that Bad Bart, a.k.a. Norman Stanley, a.k.a. the dual personality, is such a complete gonzo.

He turned his back to them and scurried to his car, wanting to get inside, hide behind the darkened windows and make himself ready to follow them.

Ohhhh, my goodness. He won't be left behind, but...scurries like a rat for a dark place to hide.

Gayle, you got this poor guy's sadness so nailed.

Joel
=-=-=
He walked back to his seat, and sipping his drink, allowed himself to relax in her company.

"seat and sipping his drink" because "sipping his drink" is the throwaway phrase; those get blocked off by punctuation.

Cathy's table, far at the back end of the room, yet clearly visible,

"far...visible" is good to go without the comma in the middle of it.

In the corner, surrounded by several ficus trees and a variety of musical instruments sat a man

"surrounded...instruments" is another such bracketable phrase: needs a comma after "instruments" to complete the bracketing. In the corner [,xxx,] sat...

displaying him in splendid silhouette on the stark white canvass behind him,

canvas, one s; canvass is a verb

"I sure do, and I think now we can afford those extras we weren't sure about when we first talked. In this economy, we'll be able to get a great house built for a song."

Just between you and me, land is cheaper and labor a little cheaper, but already-built homes are the ones going for tuppence ha'p'ny.

He'd recognized Rudy from the parking lot, hating his rival in a wild, feral way; on sight.

"on sight" isn't a complete sentence, so the semicolon has to lose it's top hat and be demoted to comma - or the bottom half lose its waggy tail and be promoted to full colon - or replace with a dash. So many choices, so little time!


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
    Y'know, Joel, I find people like N/N fascinating to write about. Remember Waldo! LOL! Now, of course, there was a huge difference, but still suffering from similar problems.

    I will paste this one out, and that other great one you gave me and make the edits today. I've been on an our of control tread mill and today I step off.

    Thanks so much<~>
    Gayle

reply by joelh605 on 09-Jan-2010
    Oh do I remember him - Norman on sterfatoids, with no Nathan to rescue his sorry pimply arse. I wanted to take the whole book off line, rewrite it, and offer shared commercial authorship, but too many original authors ignored the plea.
Comment by
Dave M
 
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Gayle,

Norman just won't give up. And I understand what happened with the previous chapter. You had to split one.

I enjoyed this read and have a couple of comments:

"The restaurant parking lot filled to capacity, cars now utilized spaces along both sides of the street curb, surrounding Norman." I don't like using the word "now" outside of dialogue. Here's what I'd write: "With the restaurant parking lot filled to capacity, cars utilized spaces along both sides of the street curb, surrounding Norman."

"It's sitting in the bank not drawing enough interest to feed a mouse." Isn't this the truth?

Dave


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
    Well, Dave, it won't be the first time, but may I just steal that entire sentence? It's perfect and exactly what I meant!

    Banks? So far they're just one step above the band of thieves on Wall St. Makes me sick!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
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