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Reviews from
Blind Trust


Viewing comments for Chapter 16 " Lost!"

A woman is stalked by a fan

  14 total reviews 
Comment by
EllieKaye
 
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Ahhh... Nathan is one of the few without GPS! (Like me!)

I've been to that point of almost out of gas. Scary feeling. I can imagine I'd be shaking and all freaked out if this happened to me. The low gas light gets me all worried as it is, let alone not have a memory as to what I was up to for HOURS.

I'm glad there's more. Good thing I'm a little behind. :)


 Comment Written 10-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
    I mean, really. Consider that. Waking up and not having a clue. I'd wig out for sure.

    Thanks again,
    Gayle
Comment by
Readywriter52
 
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Nathan seems to have an unhealthy attachment to Cathy. He is too shy to introduce himself so he spies on her. He can't remember how he got to the parking lot. He really needs help.


 Comment Written 10-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
    He sure does, Ready. Wonder if he'll ever get it?

    Thanks for the R&R!

    Gayle
Comment by
joelh605
Level 2 Pro
I'm dogmatically certain about much.
Hey, it's MY flaw - go get your own!
 
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A life of loneliness and fear gave him the ability to empathize with her loss and he began to build a connection in his mind.

You're explaining how the fine artist morphs into Bad Bart. We need to know this. There's some risk of wandering into "tell" country, but I didn't see it happening here.

The bit about deciding to get to know her casually is odd - his alter ego Norman was way ahead of him on that score (Suzi's disappearance, e.g.) - do we get to learn what happened to Nathan that brought Norman to life?

Joel
=-=-=
A short time later he read about her accident and subsequent blindness and as much as he was able,

"as much as he was able" is one of those parenthetical phrases, so it needs a comma before the first "as"


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
    Hey Joel, that 'telling' is one of my things and I try so hard not to, but there are times. Keep an eagle eye peeled, if you will. Thanks for the great comments and ideas.

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
patmedium
 
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Five, as usual... what a gripping story this STILL is! I'm not getting bored yet... I say that because before joining f.s. last month, I had not read for seven years (until age 52 a compulsive reader) In fact, I gave 15,000 books away when we moved here!
Congratulations. Many thanks, also.
Pat.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
    Hey Pat, well, welcome to Fanstory. It's the best, huh? Well, I'm doubly flattered at your words and thank you for the encouragment.

    Your reviews always make me smile!

    Gayle

reply by patmedium on 09-Jan-2010
    My pleasure to please you, ma'am! Pat.
Comment by
jayesnb
 
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Wow... Outstanding job biulding this chapter up.

The pace seemed to quicken the more I read and capped off at the end..

I am enjoying the character of nathan... With his blackouts you create a sense that anything can happen....

great job.. loved this one...


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
    I have to think how it all might have turned out if Nathan had just gone up to her at Starbucks or something, introduced himself and went from there. No need for Norman, maybe. Who knows?

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
c_lucas
 
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You have done a terrific job of showing Nathan as a mental case. His feelings toward Cathy can become dangerous on a moment notice. Good job.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
    Hey Charlie,

    Thanks for the great review and comments. Yeah, I think he could blow at a moment's notice!

    Hugs,
    Gayle

reply by c_lucas on 09-Jan-2010
    You're welcome, Gayle. Charlie
Comment by
Dave M
 
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Gayle,

Poor Nathan is really fractured. I want to see how you resolve all this and will follow your future chapters. I couldn't find anything here to criticize.

Dave


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
    Hey Dave,

    If I've got you hooked, that's a good thing! Thanks for the review and great comments,

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
Korton
 
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Another interesting chapter, Gayle. Nathan is experiencing gaps in time, while Norman works his mischief. We still don't know however if Norman made it all the way to the farm. Very well done.


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
    Hey Frank,

    I've done a good bit of research on DID and almost all the time, when the 'other' personality comes out to play, the host is unaware. Sometimes, depending on the situation, the 'other' personality just leaves the host in the middle of something he has no idea about. That's how Norman deals with Nathan. Regardless of when, where or what Nathan is doing at the time, if Norman wants out, out he comes.

    Must be a horrible existance, BTW. Can you just imagine? I have enough trouble just making my characters behave. Just think about another personality. NOT!

    Thanks

    Gayle
Comment by
Charlene0513
 
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To showtimebook,
A short story describing a man's illusive behaviour after being trapped with his thoughts when he loses all aspect of where he is.
He becomes enchanted with a blind woman and wishes to find out more about her but realizes it was just his mind playing tricks with him after waking up after three days.
Charlene


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
    Hi Charlene,

    So nice to make a new friend. Seems you've come into a strange "first" chapter and I bet you wonder what the heck is going on. If you want, there's still bucks on some of the earlier chapters. If you catch up, you'll like the story better.

    Thanks for stopping by and hope to see you again<

    Gayle
Comment by
shelley kaye
taking each day
a night at a time
 
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  Rank:  699
 
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yea that'd freak anyone out :-P

another great chapter! and i didn't notice ANY spaggies or typos either!

thanx for sharing - ch. 17 tomorrow? lol

shelley :)


p.s. i just won a free banner ad supreme! what shall i do with it? LOL! :)


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
    My little speed reader! Yes, another one is on the way. I just have to make my manners and send thank you cards for the gifts already received.

    Thank you, shelley!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
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