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Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Take A Little Time"

A woman is stalked by a fan

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
Logicat
 
 
Excellent
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I've read a few chapters without rating them, shame on me, but you are in rare form with this story. You build a character in such a way that the reader is not even aware of it but they are aware of being intimately familiar. There is no better way to keep interest in the story. Excellent write. Thank you.


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
    Well, you're very welcome. Such high praise sure is encouraging and I appreciate your input! Hope to see you again!

    Gayle
Comment by
RenieReader
 
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Oh, sigh. What a wonderful day, out in the open, inhaling nature and the scent of each other. This one has pucker power, girlfriend. I enjoyed it thoroughly.

She turned in his direction, a hopeful [expression==>smile] on her lips. (or hopefull expression on her face.)

Hugs,
Renie


 Comment Written 11-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
    Hey Renie,

    I'll get in there and fix that sentence. Good catch! I'm going so fast now I'm out of breath!

    Thanks for the great R&R,

    Hugs,
    Gayle

reply by RenieReader on 12-Jan-2010
    I understand. You're doing great. It's better to get it all out there and then let us editors do our job. Keep 'em coming, sweetie.
Comment by
Dave M
 
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Gayle,

Yes, a nice, mushy scene, although this was just a matter of time. Nathan is really weird. I hope you document his flipping from one stage to the other - that would be really interesting.

I enjoyed this read and have two minor suggestions:

'Why, why, why.' These are questions and should end with a question mark. I understand your use of single quotes in place of italics.

"...although now we have Steve, and he's doing such a great job, who knows." This is also a question.

Dave


 Comment Written 10-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
    Hi Dave,

    Well, you know, I hoped you or Frank might mention that. I thought that when a question is rhetorical you don't use a ? because an answer isn't expected...yes, no. I'm not sure, so I'll take your word for it. Honest to Pete, you learn something new every day here at FS. After wearing them for over fifty years, I've finally, thanks to Joel, learned how to spell johdpurs. Like, who knew..jodphers was incorrect! Oy. It reminds me of that Beatles ditty...I get by with a little help from my friends! LOL!

    Okay, too much coffee!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
EllieKaye
 
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I'm digging the story. Love the characters. This chapter really makes me feel connected to Cathy. I bet if I start earlier on, I'll feel that way about her, but since I started late, this is where she & I connected.

two of the longest hours of his life. [in the previous chapter, you mentioned it took him an hour to get home... maybe I missed something though.]

{Great line!) He stared at his hands as if they held the answers to all his questions.

BUT...

A couple paragraphs away, you use the word staring/stared again. Just thought I'd point it out, it's an easy one.

Nathan [stared] at Cathy's dark condo and sighed. He could not keep himself from [staring] down at her windows.

I brought us a [nice] snack to eat. Riding always makes me hungry, too. There's a [nice] place to stop just ahead

I know it's dialogue, but maybe one nice could be changed to great or to something that doesn't jump out and take away from what he's saying.


 Comment Written 10-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
    Ah, you're so right, Laura. You'd swear I had the vocabulary of a not very bright fourth grader! Ehgads, I get stuck on the strangest ones. Will fix..ended up being a delicious snack.

    Will fix along with the 'stared.' There for a while I did lots of chuckling. You'd swear it should have been a comedy instead of a thriller. Ah well, that's just one of the super things about FS.

    Hugs and big thanks,
    Gayle
Comment by
Readywriter52
 
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Nathan is confused and upset at finding himself at the park. He doesn't know how he got there. Cathy is as happy as Nathan is miserable. The trip is good for her. The story does a good job of contrasting the misery of Nathan and the happiness of Cathy.


 Comment Written 10-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
    Thanks so much for the fine comments and review. I appreciate you stopping by,

    Gayle
Comment by
c_lucas
 
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This is a well written chapter. It looks like Cathy got more and a horse ride and picnic. This has very good imagery and descriptive scheme.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
    Hi Charlie,

    Thanks for stopping by and for the great R&R. So appreciate your comments.

    Gayle

reply by c_lucas on 10-Jan-2010
    You're welcome, Gayle. Charlie
Comment by
shelley kaye
taking each day
a night at a time
 
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pulled a glass from the cupboard and slammed it into the front of his fridge. <-- umm if he "slammed" it, wouldn't it break? just an observation lol :-P

Lavender, and dill <-- do you really need a comma after lavender?

, and he gazed at her with love. <-- a little cliche, maybe a synonym for love?

at the end, where'd the "groom" come from? was he in the barn or just walk in or what? also, were the dogs with them on their ride? if not where were they? just got a little confused there....

other than that a good chapter
LOVED the kiss scene :-)

thanx for sharing!
shelley :)

p.s. where's the 134? :-P


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
    LOL! Shelley, I had a chuckle with the glass thingy. Now, of course, you know exactly what he did, but should I stop tickling myself and just say that?

    No, I don't think we need that comma and let me find another word for love. The dogs came along for the ride but they didn't play a starring role this time.

    Now the groom, he just came in the door 'cause it's feeding time. Isn't Boomer a hoot?!?

    Thanks and big hugs. Oh, the 134 is up in the LA area, kinda to the left of Pasadena. I had to google it to be sure I got a freeway that would work, lol.

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
joelh605
Level 2 Pro
I'm dogmatically certain about much.
Hey, it's MY flaw - go get your own!
 
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Her tinkling laughter warmed his heart, and he gazed at her with love.

Mmmmm - OK, willing suspension of disbelief. Where can you go after "love"?

Evidently, to her loving back.

Too long? No, juusssst right ;-)

Joel
=-=-=
Just getting home had been an ordeal of monumental proportions, two of the longest hours of his life.

One thing, this guy isn't emotionally robust.

His heart sorrowed for yet another loss in a life full of loss, deprivation and need.

OK - we're getting places with the birth of Norman.

Nathan stared out into space for an hour or so, slowly disappearing.


Good one, Gayle.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
    Joel, you are a riot. Emotionally robust. ROFLMAO! No, I don't guess. And yet, he goes to a lot of scary places, so I guess it's a circumstance by circumstance kinda thingy. I would imagine when he sees Rudy, we'll get some action. Now Kip? Hmmm. We'll see.

    Great ideas!

    Hugs,
    Gayle

reply by joelh605 on 10-Jan-2010
    Emotional robustitude varies dramatically, e.g. boxers who face off calmly in the ring yet squeal like babies in the dentist's chair...
Comment by
Sasha
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
Sasha
 
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 Rank:  107
 
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I didn't notice the length at all. I am beginning to sound like a broken record but you do a marvelous job with your descriptions. The imagery you provide is superb. I like where the story is heading and must admit I do enjoy a good love story. Nathan remains a mystery. My feelings fluctuate between absolute terror and deep sadness. The fact that he is not aware of what he is doing tugs at my heart. However, he is still a dangerous person despite my moments of compassion. Very well written chapter and as always, I look forward to reading the next one.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
    Ah, Sasha, that's exactly how I want you to feel about him. It's a terrible thing to have to deal with, for sure, but on the other hand, it's like a bad dog. Ya just never know when he's gonna flip!

    Oh, I love your reviews! You always cite the things I need to hear about!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
patmedium
 
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Five again. this is really gripping my interest. Glad you've got them together at last.
Now what can I say to satisfy this machine? I've done all the waxing lyrical bit. I've NO criticisms. NO carping.
Pat.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
    Hey Pat, one more to go! I know you'll like it as well. I love those two together but I have a feeling something is going to spoil our little romance. We'll see.

    Hugs and big thanks,
    Gayle

reply by patmedium on 09-Jan-2010
    You're naught but a spoilsport! Playing God with your wee world! LOL Pat.
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