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Reviews from
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Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "You're Mine!"

A woman is stalked by a fan

  15 total reviews 
Comment by
fictionwriter
 
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I loved this. I guess I've missed quite a bit. I didn't get any messages. I'll have to check why. Another wonderful chapter. Great job.


 Comment Written 13-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
    Oh my, I don't know how that happened. You can catch up if you want. You don't need to worry about a review. Most of the bucks must be gone by now.

    Thanks for the great comments and your input.

    Gayle
Comment by
barbara.wilkey
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  Rank:  6
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 Rank:  28
 
barbara.wilkey Recommends:
St. Louis Chapter 33 part 2
Trey shares information about the case with McKenzie.
Pays:10 points
10 member cents

 

#6 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
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Norman is creepy, just plain creepy. This is another good chapter. I was reading it so deeply, I forgot to watch for mechanical errors. I trust there is none. Good job.


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
    Hey Barbara,

    Thanks so much for the encouraging words! I so appreciate you!

    Gayle
Comment by
Logicat
 
 
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You've made Norman so completely frightening! There is nothing to like about him. Cathy is so innocently perfect and vulnerable as to be heavenly. Are there no areas of grey? Silly question and not to take away from your well written story...


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
    Well, it's not silly! You're right. Norman is bad to the bone, but Cathy needs more texture! I'll do that, and thank you for pointing that out without having to feel like you needed to give me a two! LOL!

    Gayle

reply by Logicat on 14-Jan-2010
    Gayle, you do not write on a two star level! Shame on anyone who would do that! And yes, texture is a fitting word. Keep up the good work.
Comment by
Sasha
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Sasha
 
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The fact that Norman tells himself, he is going to get her back, is really quite frightening since in reality, he never had her. The guy has some serious problems and I fear great potential for violence if push comes to shove. Very well written. I anxiously look forward to the next chatper. I found one small nit:

sweet and sour chicken for lady, right?" ...for 'the' lady, right?



 Comment Written 12-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
    Hey Sasha,

    Good to see you again and thanks for the wonderful comments. I'm on the right track with Norman, huh?

    Now, I deliberately left the 'the' out of that sentence in an effort to sound more like Chinese dialect. I sure can adjust that!

    Thanks again and hugs,
    Gayle

reply by Sasha on 13-Jan-2010
    Thant makes sense but you might clarify that the waiter is Chinese. I know it is a chinese restaurant but still would sound better with a little claification.
Comment by
c_lucas
 
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Rudy's not very observant. This is very well written with very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Norman is about at the end of his rope.


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
    Hey Charlie,

    Thanks for the super review and your comments,

    Gayle

reply by c_lucas on 13-Jan-2010
    You're welcome, Gayle. Charlie
Comment by
Dave M
 
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Gayle,

Sounds like Norman is ready to make a move. Let's see what happens. And again, you make my mouth water.

I enjoyed this read and found nothing to criticize.

Dave


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
    Hey Dave,

    Hey Dave,

    He's getting ready. I'm going to be submitting chapters a bit slower now, as I'm now writing them live, as it were.

    Thanks a bunch!

    Gayle
Comment by
shelley kaye
taking each day
a night at a time
 
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  Rank:  180
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"But of course, sweet and sour chicken for lady, right?" <-- for THE lady?


Her face continued to flush as a warm rose painted the apples of her cheeks. <-- very poetic :) been taking notes from dean koontz? :-)


can't wait to see what norman is going to do to try and "get cathy back"! (and what rudy will do to norman LOL)


thanx for sharing!
shelley :)




 Comment Written 12-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
    Hey Shelley,

    I left the 'the' out to sound Chinese. NOT, huh? I'll fix. Yeah, Norman is about ready to leap off the spool. Scary dude!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
Korton
 
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Somehow, I just can't help but feel sorry for people like Norman/Nathan. My guess is that Nathan is a pretty decent guy. His alter-ego, however has way too many undesirable traits. I have an ex-wife who has BPD that has some of these same traits, and that was fifteen years of living hell. Very well done.


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
    Oh, Frank, in reality it must be horrible, not only for them but for the people around them. I knew a woman who was a horse trainer/riding instructor and she was bi-polar. On her down days, she'd have her kids doing things on their horses that were downright dangerous. She finally had a breakdown, right in front of her intermediate class of, like, six kids ages 12-16. Man, they wigged out almost as bad as she did. Was not a pretty sight, let me tell you.

    And Nathan, like most of the 'host' personalities, really is a good guy. He just can't deal with personal stress. When something happens he doesn't want to deal with, here comes Norman to make things better, at least as he sees it.

    Thanks so much for the great review!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
patmedium
 
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Gayle, I suspect something bad is about to happen because you've had us quietly treading water for awhile, now. DON'T tell me! Eagerly awaiting the next chapter, as usual. Pat.


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
    Hey Pat,

    Yep, it's time to take off again. I'm writing the chapters 'live' now, so I won't be getting them out as fast. I hope I can hold your interest!

    Hugs,
    Gayle

reply by patmedium on 13-Jan-2010
    We'll see, won't we? DON'T answer... you're busy. Pat.
Comment by
Readywriter52
 
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Norman is getting very agitated watching them together. I don't think he can take much before he takes some sort of action. He is reaching his boiling point. When he explodes, people will suffer.


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2010



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
    Hi Ready and thankd for the review and great comments. Yes, it's just about blast off time!

    Gayle
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