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Reviews from
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Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "Breakdown"

A woman is stalked by a fan

  17 total reviews 
Comment by
dmjones
 
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Norman's a real nut case, unfortunately also there are too many people out there like him. You give us a real good view of his character in this chapter or should I say characters. Well done and an interesting read.


 Comment Written 15-Apr-2010



reply by the author on 15-Apr-2010
    Hi and thanks for the great review! I take it you were just in the booth. It always takes me back when I see a review and I haven't posted in a couple of weeks!

    Thank you so much for the kind comments. Yes, Norman 'are' a riot! LOL!

    Gayle
Comment by
Gert sherwood
 
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 Rank:  62
 
Gert sherwood Recommends:
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A poem I wrote to tell my husband why I love him.
Pays:10 points
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Excellent
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Hello showtimebook With me not reading any of you past chapters, I found this chapter very good.

The way I understood about you main character he seems to have a few different personalities?

Good luck in this contest.
Gert


 Comment Written 12-Apr-2010



reply by the author on 13-Apr-2010
    Hi Gert,

    Yes, he suffers from DID and right now is going through a huge power struggle.

    Thank you for the fine revivew and encouragement!

    Gayle

reply by Gert sherwood on 13-Apr-2010
    You are welcome Gayle
    Gert
Comment by
2009-2014 Poet Of The Year
adewpearl
Premier Author
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Gayle, even though I have not followed this story, it was not difficult at all to get into the action and mood of this chapter. You use action verbs wonderfully to add impact to the action and the emotion emanating from the action. I could feel this guy's tension and anger. And technically, you're spot on. Brooke


 Comment Written 18-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 18-Mar-2010
    Hey Brooke,

    This is the story I was talking about in the forum. These alters do not want me to do what I want, and it's positively eerie how they won't let me. I'm working it through, but it's the funniest thing.

    Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I appreciate it more than you know!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
joelh605
Level 2 Pro
I'm dogmatically certain about much.
Hey, it's MY flaw - go get your own!
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Awesome act of imagining, Gayle; it doesn't sound as though you've spent time with a DID pro getting the true inside scoop, but who am I to say?

Whatever, the dramatic purpose succeeds - tension, revelation, transformation, ...

Dang fine!
=-=-=
'There's nothing left to do tonight. I sure in hell can't go into the house..

Wouldn't that be "sure as hell?"


 Comment Written 16-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 16-Mar-2010
    Oh Joel! A sixer! Thank you so much! WOW.

    And it's so good to see you! I thought the gypsies got ya! Have you been on vacation or under the weather. Missed you and sure glad you're back.

    I have to tell you, once again, the characters are running away with the story. It's realy strange. I'd planned for some huge dustup...still have to do that if I want the story to end as I've intended, but this fighting with the other alters...he's an alter, too, remember. It's poor Nathan who is supposed to be in charge, and I see a rather explosive ending along those lines. Ah, if they'll only let me! Kinda reminds me of old Waldo, flying up the freeway to Palm Springs! Oy!

    Now, yes it should be 'as hell'. I'll have to thank my dear friend Dave for getting me to think that way, lol.

    Joel, again, I can't thank you enough. And a six. I'm humbled.

    Now listen, don't you go away! I only have two or three more chapters and I'll need your approval!

    Hugs,
    Gayle

reply by joelh605 on 17-Mar-2010
    Awww, shucks. Now I'll have to check in every couple of days just to be sure.
    :)
Comment by
patmedium
 
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I am still here, still gripped tightly in your manipulative hand. This still has me holding my breath. It all works extremely well. I found no boring bits, no parts where my mind wandered away from the plot; only irritation when Ken interrupted me... then I hurried back. Pat.


 Comment Written 15-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
    LOL, Pat, I'm going to hate it when this book ends. I'll never get another cool review from you!

    Believe it or not, I was thinking of you while Norman had his 'potty mouth' episodes. I'm glad it didn't spoil it for you! Thanks for the consistent support, dear, it mean a lot and many a smile hit my face with your reviews!

    Hugs,
    Gayle

reply by patmedium on 15-Mar-2010
    Well... Does this mean you're planning to go live on an island in future when you write? Sitting under a palm tree with your pinacolada? Norman's 'potty mouth' was part of the story. No problem. I have enjoyed this, thoroughly. I have enjoyed reporting back faithfully... you gave me the chance to learn how to stand back and watch myself minutely. I sincerely do hope that you will write again... you have talent, friend. I also hope that you no longer need the fs crowd cheering you on! You must have learned by now to have confidence in your own abilities? You certainly have not funded all of this through tirelessly reviewing, so it has not been a cheap game.
    I know we've not reached the end quite yet, but I'm sure the tide is rushing out as I sit here. So, I look forward to all the loose strings being tied off securely, left right and centre soon. (or are you going to leave the back door open a crack to possibly return to all those trained dogs again? Pat. xxx
Comment by
ZigzagMLT
 
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You've done a great job showing us Norman's anger. It's clearer now, thanks!
Z


A very interesting twist! Wow. Now this is interesting, to read how DID works, or at least works in this case. Nicely done. Can't wait for the next chapter...

Some things I found while reading: 'Stop it! Knock it off. You're in control and you have plenty of time. Don't do this, don't blow it now. Relax, stay cool. Don't add to the stress this way.'

- Perhaps this long bit could be split up with actions... shaking hands, hands in hair, wringing of hands...

and some sleep are a must.

Only Nadia had broken through, although ...


Thanks,
Zigzagmlt


 Comment Written 15-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
    Hi Ziggy,

    Oh dear! Let me go in and check that dialogue out for you, see what I can do. He's in a tizzy right then, mouth running away kind of thing...didn't work? Let me check that Nadia thingy, too.

    Thanks!

    Hugs,
    Gayle

reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
    Hey Zigg, Check out the corrections. You were right..reads much better now!
Comment by
Rdfrdmom2
Rdfrdmom2
 
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So, Gayle, let me ask you:
When someone who has DID stays in
a hotel/motel, does he/she get to
remain in one room or must there
be a room for each of them since
the new Homeland Security Act requires
EVERY person be registered these
days? Just checking. Intriguing read.
love, jan


 Comment Written 15-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
    LOL! Jan, one wonders!

    Glad you liked this one. We're two or three chapters from the end. This has been a fun book to write. Thanks for the wonderful review.

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
Readywriter52
 
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It appears that Dr. Pritchard was able to get to Norman's alter egos. They have decided to exclude him if he goes ahead with his plans to kidnap and kill Cathy and Rudy. Norman will find out he can't function without Nathan and the other egos. Maybe they can stop his plans. I didn't expect the other alter egos to stop in and try to stop him. But if they stop him, most likely he will never kidnap other women.


 Comment Written 14-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
    Hi Ready,

    Looks like the alters aren't going to let Norman just run amok. I hope they can stop him before he gets to Cathy!

    Thanks for the great review, my friend. I don't think you've missed a chapter in this whole book!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
Dave M
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Gayle,

Haven't seen you around for a while. This is an exceptional chapter, with a battle raging in Nathan's head. But I'm curious. If the other alters exclude him while he's still in charge, what happens? Guess the next chapter will tell me. But the alters are thoroughly pissed, and for good reason. They don't want to spend the rest of their lives in jail or on death row.

I found no nits whatsoever in your text, but there is a bit of tense shifting in your author notes.

Dave


 Comment Written 14-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
    Hey Dave,

    What a wonderful review and rating. Thanks for the sixer. I sure appreciate it, buddy.

    Yeah, well, I'm down to the last couple of chapters and then its into the editing cave for 'one more go' then publishing.

    Again, thank you for reading and reviewing. I hope you like the ending!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
Korton
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow! This is certainly an unexpected trun of events. Obviously, Norman won't take the medication, but I wonder if it is possible that with the other alters ganging up on him he could have a psychotic break and wind up being hauled off in a straight jacket. Very well done.


 Comment Written 14-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 15-Mar-2010
    Hey Frank,

    Well, this is one book where the characters wrenched the reins of control from the author and galloped off in a tangent! I had some real tense, shoot'em up kind of ending, with the dogs and the guys and maybe even the twins getting into the action.

    I have no more idea where we're going than you do but we're making good time!

    Can't thank you enough for the gorgeous sixer. I deliberately have not mentioned his meds, since somewhere along the line it looks like he stopped! Will work that into the second edit once the book is finished!

    Again, thank you for the great vote of confidence AND stars.

    Hugs,
    Gayle
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