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Reviews from
Blind Trust


A woman is stalked by a fan

  17 total reviews 
Comment by
geemark
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 40 -
Norman In Charge
I do not normally swear but I need to express my feelings on this. It was bloody fantastic. The details jump out and hit you with such force it is akin to a mental orgasm. I envy you your obvious talent. Well done and congratulations well deserved. Geemarc


 Comment Written 02-Apr-2010



reply by the author on 02-Apr-2010
    LOL! Well, I'll happily take that sixer, but even more, I loved your comments. Music to my ears, for sure. Thank you so much!

    Gayle
Comment by
RenieReader
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 43 -
Miracle
Oh, Gayle, this is just glorious and super and terrific. What a wonderful miracle for all of them, but especially Cathy. I wonder if it will change her artistic style? Hmmmm. Interesting thought. :D I'm going to have to join the friends for a good cry too. Thank you, sweet friend, for a fantastic read. I love your characters and the story plot. Doggies really add zest to the combination.

leaving her only for trips to the rest()room. restroom==one word.

Hugs,
Renie


 Comment Written 28-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
    Hey Renie,

    I'm so glad you liked this one. I'll link up those words and thank you, sweetness, for always being such a shining light. I so appreciate you!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
RenieReader
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 42 -
Desperation
Holy crap! What's that maniac done now? You've reeled me in with that surprise hook at the end. Terrific bit of writing, showing us the emotions each one is feeling. I can't wait to find out what will happen next.

Suggestion:
The girls will be here any minute(,) searching for coffee[,] and the guys will be right behind them.

Hugs,
Renie


 Comment Written 28-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
    Oh boy, a sixer! Thank you so much, Renie. I was having the world's worst time with this chapter. The characters would not let me go my own way and demanded this ending. Deep sigh. I'm glad you liked it, but I'm not sure this is how it will be in the end! ARRGH, someone just bit my finger! Kip! No no, lie down.

    Hugs and love and big thanks,
    Gayle
Comment by
William Walz
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 43 -
Miracle
Forgive me for not keeping up with the story. You post far faster than my ability to keep up with it. But what the heck, many times I'll read the ending of a short story or a novel first.

If everything that came before is as good as this then I think you have a winner on your hands. You completely capture the tension and fear for Cathy's situation with concise, meaningful dialog and brief but telling descriptions of the scene. The ending sets just the right tone of joy without being maudlin.

I've gone over this several times, trying to find some change or way to improve but I can't offer anything at all.

Sorry I had to read as a stand-alone but even as such it still is a wonderful piece of writing. If I can ever get off my lazy ass I promise I will go back and read from start to finish, just for my own enjoyment.


 Comment Written 28-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
    Hey Bill,
    Gosh, it's so good to see you again. And a sixer! WOW! I'm truly humbled by your review. I loved this book, too, and hope to get the final edit out to offer by spring. I think it's a good 'summer read'. Thanks so much and don't be a stranger!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
Mariea
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 42 -
Desperation
A good fast moving chapter that kept me interested all the way. Story develops well as it progresses, without clutter or any 'spags'

Have a great day, regards Mia


 Comment Written 28-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
    Hi Mia,

    Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving an encouraging review. You're appreciated.

    Gayle
Comment by
joelh605
Level 2 Pro
I'm dogmatically certain about much.
Hey, it's MY flaw - go get your own!
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 43 -
Miracle
Both girls burst into uncontrolled tears, hugging Cathy, each other and Rudy in wild abandon.

Ohhhh, we could see this coming a long way off; a physical trauma, the eyes inexplicably quit. Another, and they come back the same way they left. But wouldn't real people react with stunned, quiet joy, instead of going all squishy-huggy-teary-noisy? OK - a guy thing, my bad ;-)

Re prior chapter review - - if you add a sound like a watermelon being chopped, that could be the sound of Norman "hitting the rocks" so to speak. Just a thought. Sort of let the reader know not to worry about Norman any more.

Fingers plucked her shorts, causing her to turn toward Cathy.

BABOOM great cue that Cathy's eyes are working. Such an ordinary detail,... Loved it!!

Good show, Gayle. Commas all looked fine, but there are some style issues (below). That's your lookout, so full stars.

Joel
=-=-=
but the consensus was that she should have awakened by now.

After ten days, shouldn't "by now" be "more than a week ago". ?? Yah you got the phrase in the next paragraph - which is where the "ten days" figure might fit better. You da writer, Gayle, but "by now" is sorta limp under the circumstances.

I've been right here all week.

Uhh, did'n you say "more than a week"?


 Comment Written 27-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
    Hey Joel,

    Excellent suggestions, which I will implement. I'm doing an 'Afterward' to clear up any question about Norman.

    You're right..both of those are weak. Even though he sluffed through the time in his dialogue, I could make it more specific, for sure.

    Thanks so much for the great review, my friend! You always make me smile!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
Isaiah Ramesses
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 43 -
Miracle
A heart warming ending to this. Evil Norman doesn't prevail. The chapters that I have read of this have been excellent.
Very entertaining tale.

Isaiah Ramesses


 Comment Written 27-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
    Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I appreciate you stopping by for a R&R. Thanks again,

    Gayle
Comment by
joelh605
Level 2 Pro
I'm dogmatically certain about much.
Hey, it's MY flaw - go get your own!
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 42 -
Desperation
All fixed!
=-=-=
Jolly good! But gotta fix those comma thingies (sorry, the Obama Health Plan for Commas doesn't kick in until 2014).

The Inner Struggle Of Norman plays out to a last, fatal chapter, eh? Reading ahead and hearing the dog present but nothing more about His Photoggishness, one presumes that it was rocks 1, head 0 and the dog didn't break the skin on his neck.

Nicely done.

Joel
=-=-=
Rudy poured the last of the coffee into his cup, rinsed out the container and prepared a fresh pot. He pushed the button and moments later, the machine started to gurgle.

Comma: "moments later" is the sort of added phrase which you can have, or not have, even-up: those need commas fore and aft, or not at all. One comma by itself is like a rabbit at a wolves' convention - - highly conspicuous.

But you're all grown up now. You're handsome and talented and believe me, if you give her half a chance, she'll run to you.'

That "her/she'll" so resonates back to Cathy that the reader stops in confusion - - "what were we just saying about letting Cathy go?" - - but if you use italics or underlining or something to show that Nadia is going somewhere else with the female pronouns, Norman's response seems clearer.

The street slept along with whatever residents inhabited the shadowy houses.

Comma; this one is optional but advisable; it goes after "slept" - else we get "slept along" like "swept along" - - first the street sleeps, and expanding the idea note ", along with..."

The battle he had with Nadia once she learned of his plan, took a lot out of him.

more comma: "The battle took a lot out of him" doesn't need a comma, so if you feel the need for one in the enlarged version of the sentence, why is that? [rhetorical question'] - it's because the added material is an appositive phrase, i.e. a phrase that expands on "he had with Nadia" - so wrap it up in commas:

The battle he had with Nadia [comma] once she learned of his plan [comma already present], took a lot out of him.


 Comment Written 27-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
    Hey Joel,

    I went in there and fixed those commas. I HATE them but you're right. When they're misplaced they are dumb. With or without! Hey, you're the best, have a thumb, my friend and a great big thanks!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
Comment by
Isaiah Ramesses
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 42 -
Desperation
Nice read. This guy "Norman" is has a few mental issues.
The characters are well developed and the storyline is very entertaining.
Well done.

Isaiah Ramesses


 Comment Written 27-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
    Thank you so much for the kind words and wishes. Your time and input is appreciated.

    Gayle
Comment by
Roberta Joan Jensen
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 43 -
Miracle
I've only read a couple chapters of this book so I don't know if her blindness was psychosomatic, or caused by Norman, but wouldn't it be nice if all blindness could be cured by a conk on the head.


made breathing labored, ---
This doesn't sound right. One has labored breathing, but I don't think you can make breathing labored. made breathing difficult would sound better.

Roberta


 Comment Written 26-Mar-2010



reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
    Hi Roberta,

    Cathy fell down the escalator at a department store and when she came to, she couldn't see. This fall restored her sight although I don't go into any details in either direction. I know it's a long stretch, but I hope it works. And yes, my dear, wouldn't it just be wonderful if all blindness could be cured this way.

    Roberta, it's been a pleasure getting to know you. Charlie's told me so much about you, I feel like we're friends.

    Thank you so much for the wonderful review!

    Hugs,
    Gayle
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