Satisfied that the foursome couldn't add anything further, they were escorted back - misplaced modifier - the people who are satisfied are the cops, not the girls being escorted
Carrie collapsed on the to the bed - typo
You continue to build suspense effectively, and you show Carrie's emotional response to the thought Joy might be the next victim of this killer in a compelling way. Excellent dialogue between her and the FBI agent as he draws out her memories. Brooke
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Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2010
I am embarrassed by my delay, but non the less grateful. Thank you for reading and for your support. Smiles, Carol