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Reviews from
Evil in Paradise - Part 4


Mystery and Crime

  29 total reviews 
Comment by
jadapenn
 
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Hi Smiles, for a minute there I was getting bad ideas about Stafford. Don't know if I trust him. As for the kinky maintenance man. Well, all in all you keep me in suspense. Carrie seems to be the only level headed girl around but she might be earmarked as the next victime.
Well done. luv jada


 Comment Written 19-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Jada,

    Hi sweet girl friend,

    LIfe's still twirling around and I'm trying to catch up with it. Thanks for reading and enjoying. Smiles, Carol
Comment by
c_lucas
 
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It would appear the butler is innocent. Very nice twist at the end of this post. Your story is very well written with good imagery and descriptive scheme.


 Comment Written 19-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Charlie,

    I'll try to keep you guessing and interested...Carol

reply by c_lucas on 24-Jun-2010
    No problem. Carol. Charlie
Comment by
barbara.wilkey
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  5
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 Rank:  39
 

#5 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
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You left a great hook. I am not at all happy about Joy's fate. I want to caution you about POV changes without previous notification to your readers.



He's known to me a smooth talker. (maybe; known to me 'as' a smooth talker)

"Unfortunately, I haven't, but sometimes no news is good news."
"You're probably right, but I'd feel so much better if we heard something. I can't imagine her car being packed and ready to go and then she just disappears somewhere else. It doesn't look very good." (two dialogues in same paragraph)


 Comment Written 19-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Barbara,

    Thanks for the help and encouragment...Carol
Comment by
ladybird
 
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OMG,not the maintenance man,the perv. lol. Seriously, I really enjoyed reading this. It read so smooth. I could just visualise all the group at the table. Sorry Joy had to end up dead in this, but without it,no story.Great read, can't wait for the next.


He's known to (me) a smooth talker."> be

in fifteen minutes at the caf©. Eddie doesn't like this word, lol.

Darryl's chest and listening (too) his soothing voice > to


 Comment Written 19-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Linda,

    Thanks for all the help and encouragement...Carol

reply by ladybird on 24-Jun-2010
    You're welcome.
Comment by
2009-2014 Poet Of The Year
adewpearl
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well, that maintenance man is not sounding good, fondling guests' lingerie - you have me in a suspicious frame of mind about everyone, even agent stafford. When he said he wanted to meet Carrie alone, I was worried then, too :-) That's good when you have me this jumpy about her safety that every man in the story is a suspect in my mind. LOL Brooke


 Comment Written 19-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Brooke,

    Thanks for enjoying my story and for all the great encouragement. I love it when I can keep you guessing. Smiles, CArol
Comment by
2009 and 2010 Novelist Of The Year
2010 Script Writer Of The Year
FredCollingwood
 
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Eeeeuuuu. What a great ending. The creepy maintenance man! Great read, Carol. Some things you might want to look at:

His voice startled her() and her head snapped around toward (the) him. > add comma >> remove

Her exhausted body was limb and pliable from the shower and she wanted nothing more than a quick nap. > did you mean limp?



 Comment Written 19-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Fred,

    Hope you continue to follow the sotry and let me know what you think...appreciate hearing from you and your assistance. Smiles, CArol
Comment by
sopranodebs
 
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I enjoyed the read- a couple of typo', then my review below. Her exhausted body was limb "limp"; [He's known to me "be" a smooth talker;[caf©, your spell check automatically changed your cafe to a copy right sign-hate it when it does that]. Apart from typo's a great read, i was drawn into the story easily. Great imagery. But I have to admit, am I incorrect in assuming the maintenance man is the guy that stopped carrie earlier to ask about Joy, and I suspect he is the killer. If I am right, it may pay to take the maintenance reference out and not make her so nervous around him, more casual but need to leave for an appointment.- But shoot me if I'm wrong eh!!

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 19-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    soprano debs

    Thanks for the assistance and I hope that you will continue to follow the story. You might be surprised! Carol

reply by sopranodebs on 24-Jun-2010
    Ooooh, I looooove surprises...I will keep reading..
Comment by
dportwood
 
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Begin Again,

Aha! It's the maintenance man, isn't it? Otherwise, why would you drop such a clue? hehe Enjoyable story with good narrative as well as dialogue and descriptions.

I did notice these items you may want to edit:

snapped around toward the him.
(snapped around toward him.)

body was limb and pliable from
(body was limp and pliable from)

area that fit your description
might be better as:
(area that fit the description you gave)

but have you heard anything else."
(but have you heard anything else?")

minutes at the caf©.
(minutes at the cafe.)

Otherwise, well done.

Duane


 Comment Written 19-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Duane,

    Thank you so much for all your support and encouragement. Smiles, Carol
Comment by
Tellis
 
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Ugh! Decapitated no less. Well this story is very interesting and I will have to try and read the other chapters soon.

Tellis

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 19-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Tellis,

    Thank you so much for all your support and encouragement. I would be thrilled if you continued to follow the story and let me know what you think. Smiles, Carol
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