Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

Lune Poetry Contest
Deadline: Today!

True Story Flash
Deadline: In 4 Days

5-7-5 Poetry Contest
Deadline: Jun 8th

Minute
Deadline: Jun 14th

Share Your Story
Deadline: Jun 16th


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
Evil in Paradise - Part 6


Mystery and Crime

  28 total reviews 
Comment by
missy98writer
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Carol,
Cassie is wrong feeling the right man has been apprehended. I still believe the killer is either the ranger or Cassie's boyfriend. Excellent characterization, vivid imagery, and great narrative. Here are some examples of your descriptive writing:

"So, if he's so clean, what got you so excited?" Having left Carrie in distress, the possibility of this being a wild goose chase irritated him. It wasn't like Steve to blow things out of proportion, but this case was stressful to everyone.

His heart skipped a beat. Lying on a small table next to a black brassiere were photos of a woman. Her face wasn't visible but Darryl immediately recognized the honey blond hair. Another photo had fallen on the floor. Stooping to pick it up, he immediately saw her face. This picture was much clearer. Bile rose in his throat as he thought of the sick pervert who'd violate Carrie's privacy. At that moment, he was glad the guy had been taken away and booked. He would like just five minutes alone with him and the pervert would never violate another woman's privacy, especially one Darryl cared about.

Without saying a word, Darryl reached into his pocket and handed Carrie's picture to Steve. His stomach turned as he thought of others looking at her body. It was evidence and he had no idea what he'd been thinking when he'd taken it.

James had sent her flowers. A river of thoughts and emotions flooded her mind. One second, she felt guilty for wanting the flowers to be from Darryl, and the next moment, she was pleased that James had taken the time out of his busy schedule to think of her. Immediately following the guilt trip, she felt sad that the message was so matter of fact. She'd hoped for something a bit more sentimental or a note saying he was joining her after all. Finally, she pinned her thoughts on the words 'Thinking of You'.

"I have it from a good source that the FBI are close to making an arrest." Remembering the reason for her call, she continued, "I was calling to thank James for the flowers. Is he there with you?"

"With me? No, why would he be with me?" Darcy thought the remark strange and then she remembered she'd answered his phone. "Oh how silly of me, James had his calls transferred to my private line. Just in case a customer tried to contact him. Guess he's serious about chilling out this weekend."

RED FLAG! RED FLAG!

She called Chattanooga's airport, found a flight to Myrtle Beach, and without giving it any further thought, she set her surprise in motion. The scheduled flight gave her five hours to pack, tell the girls of her decision, and drive to the city. Confident that James would be thrilled to spend the weekend with his fiance, she rushed about the cabin, tossing her belongings into the suitcase. Once finished, she decided she should make a courtesy call to Darryl.

Disappointment washed over her when his voice mail answered. She hadn't realized how much she'd wanted to hear his voice again. "Darryl, this is Carrie. I'd hoped to speak to you before I left, but unfortunately, time is short and you are obviously busy solving the case. I've ... uh, I'm ... oh, darn, there's just no easy way to say this. I've decided to leave Paradise Lodge and join James in Myrtle Beach." Her voice quivered, knowing she might never speak to him again.

"Well, I'm not a law enforcement, but if I was in charge of this case, I'd keep investigating. There ain't no way that Jackson is a murderer." The owner of Paradise Lodge abruptly ended the interview by walking back inside and shutting the door.

Dang it, you left me dangling on the edge of my seat. Another fabulous write and read. Your mystery is top notch. I thought I was reading Nora Robards or Karen Robards. I look forward to your next installment. . .Melissa!


 Comment Written 23-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Melissa,

    As always I appreciate your wonderful comments. Thank you for your continued encouragement and following of my story. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day lately. I appreciate your thoughts. Smiles, Carol
Comment by
vandawalker
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is huge! I won't want to miss the next chapter. This lulls the reader into thinking all is well and that just the romantic angle is next. I think that's wrong. Danger lurks ahead. Good cliff hanger.


 Comment Written 23-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    vandawalker,

    Thank you for your continued encouragement and following of my story. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day lately. I appreciate all your kind comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment by
Trybuck
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Those one last stops will get you in trouble just about every time. It would be great if Darryl was following her to make sure she made it to the airport.
Suspense time again, Buck


 Comment Written 23-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Buck,

    If I can keep you guessing...then I'm doing good! Thank you for your continued encouragement and following of my story. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day lately. I appreciate all your kind comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment by
patwannabe
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Well, Carol, this is a new development. Guess she put too much trust in thinking they had the right man. You have her hanging over a cliff, so I hope you don't get side tracked and decide not to finish the story. I'm thinkin' it might be better to wait until a book is finished before I try to read it. Looking forward to the next part.

...scanning the pictures PLASTERED on the wall behind the false one.

Well done, pat


 Comment Written 23-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Pat,
    Thank you for your continued encouragement and following of my story. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day lately. I will most definitely finish the story...I appreciate all your kind comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment by
Isaiah Ramesses
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I don't believe I've reviewed any of this series, Author. But, as I read through this one, I find that you've crafted it very well. I enjoyed the personalities of your characters, as well as your dialogue. Well done.

Isaiah Ramesses


 Comment Written 23-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Isiah,

    Thank youfor reading and enjoying my story. I appreciate the comments. Carol
Comment by
RebelRose
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
pictures plaster[ed] on the walls
be herein [space needed here]
I knew she'd not get away safely. I wonder why James didn't want her to join him for a relaxing week-end. Is he up to no good? I am really looking forward to part 7.


 Comment Written 23-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Patti,

    Thanks for the help with the spag and I am glad you are enjoying the story. Appreciate the encouragement. Smiles, CArol
Comment by
barbara.wilkey
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  5
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  38
 

#5 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
You left a great hook here. I can't wait until you post again. I don't trust James. something is not right here.


Another photo had fallen on the floor. Stooping to pick it up, he immediately say her face. (he immediately SAW her face)

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 23-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Barbara,

    Thank you for your continued encouragement and following of my story. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day lately. I appreciate all your kind comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment by
c_lucas
 
Review Stars
  
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Now we know the Ranger is the guilty party. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read.

, he immediately say (saw) her face.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 23-Jun-2010



reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
    Charlie,

    Don't bet on it! He's not an innocent chap but I'm not so sure he's a murderer either...Smiles, Carol

reply by c_lucas on 24-Jun-2010
    You have set your characters. I remember in another of your stories, you pulled the killer out of left field. Looking forward to your nest post.
  Previous Page  1 2  -3-   Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
Promote your favorite work here with the Reader Weekly certificate.

Click here for info.


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy