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Reviews from
Unnamed and Untamed


The last adieu

  40 total reviews 
Comment by
Turtle... who?
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
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  Rank:  44
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  Rank:  301
 
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I read through this contest entry, very nice control of the tale. I enjoyed. Not a happy ending, but a memorable and clear one. I liked the hinted to imagery at what happened. I take that the horse died, the rider with it before hand, and the stallion was sad to see them go.


 Comment Written 21-Aug-2010



reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
    Turtle,

    Thank you..smiles to you
Comment by
sweetwoodjax
 
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this is an excellent story, it is well written with good form and good flow, a great storyline, i think it is a sad story that draws the readers attention from the first strike of the snake to the stallion running away. i wish you the best of luck in the contest


 Comment Written 21-Aug-2010



reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
    sweetwoodjax,

    thank you...smiles to you
Comment by
missy98writer
 
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Carol,
your short flash fiction packed a punch in so few words. What a tragic story with the beginning, middle and end. Gorgeous art work you used of the horse. How sad the snake caused the horse to throw its rider and they both died thanks to the rattler. Vivid imagery, excellent narrative and very descriptive writing. The lines that packed the best punches:

In the valley below lay the lifeless body of Amy Walker. Amidst the thicket, her faithful Appaloosa whinnied, taking a last breath.

The wild horse came upon the tragic scene of girl being thrown to the valley below the canyon and her Appaloosa dying from a snake bite. This is an awesome flash fiction piece. Good luck in the flash fiction contest. I'm sure this will be a real contender. You are a very talented writer to make such a sad and full story in so few words. Have a lovely weekend.
Melissa.


 Comment Written 20-Aug-2010



reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
    Melissa,


    Life still has me in a strangle hold but I hope to be back soon. Thank you for enjoying my work and the continued encouragement. Smiles, CArol
Comment by
2012 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Realist101
 
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  Rank:  482
 
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AHHHHhhhhhhh!!!!! I have had this very fear, only in our area the snakes like to hide, we have copperheads and some rattlers, but so far here, I have only seen some baby ones. This rider came to a fate that I have feared here, we have had explosions and fireworks up next to us so often I am afraid to even try anymore. Hence the selling of this place. This is a neat micro!! Very well done, and horses even!!!!!! ") Love, Susan


 Comment Written 20-Aug-2010



reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
    Susan,

    Thank you as always...smiles to you
Comment by
2009-2014 Poet Of The Year
adewpearl
Premier Author
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How tragic, that the rattler bite to the filly ended in the filly's death and the rider's - what a poignant ending as the wild stallion bids adieu to both his friends. This is excellent micro-fiction, Carol - filled with high drama and emotion. Brooke


 Comment Written 20-Aug-2010



reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
    Brooke,


    Life still has me in a strangle hold but I hope to be back soon. Thank you for enjoying my work and the continued encouragement. Smiles, CArol

reply by adewpearl on 08-Sep-2010
    Carol, hang in there - I really do miss you :-)
Comment by
Trybuck
 
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That was a sad one. Woman and horse both die... Way too sad...

May want to check the spelling of cannon -- canyon

Well done, Buck



 Comment Written 20-Aug-2010



reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
    Buck,

    I knew I was really tired but... Thanks for the help. I appreciate it! Smiles, Carol

reply by Trybuck on 20-Aug-2010
    At least you're trying to write. I haven't done much of that lately. You're welcome, Buck
Comment by
LadyWave
 
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You really know how to write a very complete story in so few words! I thought you did a great job with this. You painted the scene excellently with your words and really gave me a vivid picture in my mind.


 Comment Written 20-Aug-2010



reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
    Thank you...smiles to you
Comment by
BethShelby
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  83 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  51
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  7
Review Stars
  Rank:  21
 

#7 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
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This is great flash fiction but a sad story. I love the picture of the house you chose to illustrate it. I'm sure a snake bite would cause a horse to rear. The second paragragh is especially descriptive.


 Comment Written 20-Aug-2010



reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
    Beth,

    Thank you..smiles to you
Comment by
c_lucas
 
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This is a very colorful story. You have four horses in your story and I got a little mixed up. Thr Apalossa could be the filly, or the steed. The stallion could be the Steed, but I got the feeling it was wild and free.
Sugesstion.
A filly is a young female horse.
A steed refers to a high spirited stallion.
*******
By Jove! you got it. (LOL)


 Comment Written 20-Aug-2010



reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
    Charlie,

    Now it is very clear why you write the westerns and I stick to city life...Two horses (Amy Walker on the filly and the black stallion.) Hope I fixed it! Thanks for the assistance...Carol

reply by c_lucas on 20-Aug-2010
    Hi Carol. I've updated my review. FS wouldn't allow me to give you a sixer. Charlie

reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
    Charlie,

    Your help was worth more to me than the stars..Thank you..Carol

reply by c_lucas on 21-Aug-2010
    You're welcome, Carol. Charlie
Comment by
Belinda
 
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Hi, Carol, what a short piece. Let me try to imagine what happened: Amy was riding her horse, a rattler snake came out from its hiding place and the two faithful friends died in the valley. Btw to whom did the wild beast (snake) bid adieu? To other snakes?I hope I interpret it right, Carol.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 20-Aug-2010



reply by the author on 20-Aug-2010
    Belinda,

    I tried to clarify it better...Amy was riding along the ridge on her filly when a rattlesnake bit it sending the horse and rider to their death. The wild black stallion who Amy had befriended stood at the edge and bit farewell. Hope that makes it easier to understand. i did try to fix it...Thanks...Carol

reply by Belinda on 20-Aug-2010
    I will another look at it. Thanks.
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