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80 Word Flash Fiction
Deadline: Tomorrow!

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Deadline: In 3 Days

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Reviews from
One Moment Can Change A LIfetime


Why me? Why anyone else?

  43 total reviews 
Comment by
Writeaway...
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Excellent job Begin Again, yet again your talent exceeds itself, bravo. I can find nothing to suggest for improvement and was kept interested, excellent job, good luck in the contest and keep writing!! :)


 Comment Written 29-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
    Jake,

    Now didn't that just make be sit up straight and smile..a wonderful reward fromone of my favorite writers. Thank you so much...Carol
Comment by
L.lora
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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Excellent, heart felt,
fast paced, good discriptioins
and equally good dialogues.
The twist ending was perfect
and so true to life. You did
make the reader's eyes become
moist.. no nits or spags... Lora


 Comment Written 29-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
    Lora,

    Oh, I'm afraid I am going to have to buy additional stock in Kleenex..too many people threatening me about their leaky eyes. lol Thanks for all the support. Smiles, Carol
Comment by
cheyennewy
 
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Hi Carol,

You are so right a moment can change a lifetime. I dreaded getting a telegram from the army telling me my husband was either dead or wounded. Thankful when it came it said he was wounded and in the hospital in Japan. This is a sad story but gladly wasn't bad news for Sara. A short story that kept me on the edge of my seat until the very end. Well done and good luck in the contest. Blessings, chey


 Comment Written 29-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
    Chey,

    I've had a lot of bad things happen in my lifetime but I can't imagine standing there, knowing what's coming next, urging it to be a nightmare and disappear, and then facing reality. Thanks for the kind review..Smiles, Carol
Comment by
BethShelby
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  94
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  64
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  10
Review Stars
  Rank:  26
 

#10 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Excellent. This flash fiction is so full of vivid description and emotion and suspense. The title is correct. One mement can change a lifetime. Thankfully, it wasn't Sara's moment. You can feel the reliev and yet compassion for Betty.


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
    Beth,

    Nice to see you stopping by and sharing your thoughts with me. I truly appreciate it. Smiles, Carol
Comment by
Turtle... who?
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  720
 
Excellent
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Hi Carol,

I read through this flash fiction, (I don't know much about flash to give you input on flash, but part of me says its supposed to be bare, I think... which makes me useless there. This was very high emotion, very easy to relate to the suffering and fears of the woman and the horrible situation, the end offers some relief, because the reader forms an attachment to them, but still is sad because someone elses world will be shattered.


pressed her parched lips together. The rocking chair
(nice alliteration)

motionless[,] near the front window.
(suggest removing the comma)


Stunned, Grandma sucked in a mouth[ ]full(mouthful)
Sara lifted her tear(-)stained face to met the Chaplain's g


unborn child, and I thank you, Lord." as she made the first phone call.

(I recommend the last sentence be put first... (As she made the first phone call, Sara whispered, "..."

As usual, you play on emotion using strong active descriptions and emotional tension. Nice story, well portrayed, a few suggestions...

--Turtle.


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
    Turtle,

    Guess I better get back on top of this writing stuff..It's been a while. Glad I have you to find my mistakes..Thanks so much..Smiles, Carol

    PS..How's the dog and your man?
Comment by
Trybuck
 
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Well, at least you had a somewhat happy ending to this one, for grandma and Sara, not for the other lady though. Very well done, Buck


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
    Buck,

    I'm shooting for happy..trying to motivate myself to another spot. Thank you so much for stopping by and supporting me. Appreciate the kind review. Smiles, Carol
Comment by
Sefiros
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  41
Review Stars
  Rank:  391
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Interesting how when the chips are down, people will do anything to survive. Does that speak ill of us as a race in general?

You provide sharp stabs of action in every sentence. "Her fingers shook as she brushed the curtain." "He fastened his double-breast suit and slicked back his ebony hair." These are good details, but you drag the action out. Try to make the details flow better. "He slicked his hair back just in the movies." Sara thinks, Oh great. A carbon copy of the secret agent. Of all the people, they had to send him." This is just an example. Keep writing.


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
    Sefiros

    Thankyou for stooping by and reviewing my work. I truly appreciate your time and comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment by
Carolyn Hilliard
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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A powerful story that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Two women are waiting, one is old the other, her granddaughter, is pregnant. The news they receive has both women collapsing and ... A GOT TO READ


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
    Fiesty,

    Thank you so much for the wonderful review. I truly appreciate your time and comments. Carol
Comment by
Heidixoxo
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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Very nice story Begin Again!! This is a perfect entry for the upcoming contest. Your art work is a nice match as well. Best of luck to you and I am sure this will be one of the best!! xoxo


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
    Heidi,

    Awesome..you put a smile on my face and my heart. Thank you...Carol
Comment by
Belinda
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi, Carol, interesting story, though sad. So breathtaking, with a relieving ending for Sara and Grandma, as the bad news was for a neighbor. You've created the perfect mood for the story.


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
    Belinda,

    Appreciate the review and kind support. Smiles, Carol
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