Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

Write A Script
Deadline: In 2 Days

Non-Fiction Writing Contest
Deadline: In 4 Days

Rhyming Poetry Contest
Deadline: Feb 24th

100 Word Flash Fiction
Deadline: Feb 28th

Haiku Poetry Contest
Deadline: Feb 29th


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
Time Marches On


Daddy left ... now me?

  40 total reviews 
Comment by
MJames82
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Great story. It took me in right from the beginning and held my eyes captive right up until the end. will have to check out more of your work! Very well done.


 Comment Written 05-Nov-2010



reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
    I appreciate your kindness and encouragment more than you'll ever know..smiles, Carol
Comment by
JW
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
In regard to your goal "This flash fiction is meant to lead the reader to believe an older child is leaving...and in the end it really is a small child" you did an excellent job of accomplishing it.

Your story also read very smoothly and it contained great use of description.

Jonathon


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2010



reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
    Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I truly appreciate your support. Smiles, Carol
Comment by
Gert sherwood
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  38
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  63
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi Carol,
what come out of the mouths of a five year old is amazing.
Your ending was great.
You had me right into your childrens' flash fiction and here I am an adult.

Gert


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2010



reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
    Gert,

    Awesome..your thoughts and the stars..Thank You! Carol
Comment by
BethShelby
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  12 (+2)
Review Stars
  Rank:  101
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is very good flash fiction. I didn't get that it was an older child leaving because the picture showed a young child and the language of "Mommy" sound like a young child. If you wanted it to sound like and older child you might have used another picture but I still enjoyed the story just as it is.


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2010



reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
    Beth,

    Thanks for enjoying the story..Smiles, Carol
Comment by
L.lora
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
You've perfected your skill
at flash fiction.
Excellent Carol, a charming
story filled with emotion
and the twist at the end
is superb. Your discriptions
are good and the dialogue
helps to fill in the blanks
as well as move your reader along.
Good read. no nits or spags. Lora


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2010



reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
    Lora,

    Thanks for the vote of confidence..I'm not sure I'll ever totally master the flash fiction, but I am working on it. Smiles, Carol
Comment by
minopavlic
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
The grace and elegance within this poem is heartfelt. However the beauty within your words draws my attention to the indescribable bond we share with our children. We never do want to lose sight of them.

Mino



 Comment Written 31-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
    Mino,

    Thank you for seeing the core of this story..many missed it, I guess. Thanks so much...Carol
Comment by
2008 Poet Of The Year
Judian James
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I wasn't confused at all Carol. I thought you did a wonderful job throughout the piece. I was convinced she was leaving for college! AND if you didn't say "she's my baby" after telling us she has an older teenage brother, but rather, "She's my little girl" you would have had me until that final paragraph. And, it would have been even more believable if she packed that teddy ... a child leaving home for college would do that and a five year old going to Grandma's for the weekend, certainly would as well
I loved it Carol!!


 Comment Written 31-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
    Jude,

    Darn..wish I would have thought of that teddy...I still have a few of mine..Thanks for the wonderful review...Smiles, Carol
Comment by
Cairn Destop
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I'm thinking the "confusion" is something that enhances the story. You think older teen leaving home, maybe college or with a boyfriend the mother doesn't like. The reference to a father who leaves can be interprited as a desertion or death. Learning it is a child is the climatic twist these shorts need to be memorable. No SPAG noticed while reading.


 Comment Written 31-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
    Cairn,

    Thanks so much for the kind and thoughtful review. I greatly appreciate it.

    smiles, Carol
Comment by
bowls
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
What a great story! I think you develop it beautifully beginning with Sandy packing and ending with her waving as she leaves in the car. You've prepared your readers for the last line by mentioning "Daddy" in the first paragraph. In your last paragraph I wonder if there should be a comma instead of a period between DRIVE and SANDY since "Waving as the car pulled out of the drive" is not a complete sentence.


 Comment Written 30-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
    bowls,

    Please excuse my tardiness in thanking you for the kind comments...Smiles, Carol
Comment by
IndianaIrish
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  470
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Carol, I found this flash well-written and moving with a meaningful twist. It wasn't confusing in the least little bit. Great story.
Karyn :>)


 Comment Written 30-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
    Please excuse my tardiness in thanking you for the kind comments...Smiles, Carol
  -1-  2 3 4 5  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
St. Louis Chapter 22 part 2
Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy