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Reviews from
Mistaken Identity - Part 1


When the Past Returns to Haunt You

  29 total reviews 
Comment by
Roberta Joan Jensen
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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I was reading this for the bacstory of part 4 and spotted a couple of things you might want to know about.


Racing to the corner, Shannon swore under [her] breath, The Do Not Walk sign flashed, demanding she stop.

but then she['d] didn't appear to be anything like the cougars he normally met.


Roberta


 Comment Written 07-Nov-2010



reply by the author on 08-Nov-2010
    Rebecca,

    Fixed and refixed..must have missed the save button, but thank you for bringing it too my attention. Smiles, Carol
Comment by
MJames82
 
 
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Great story. It took me in right from the beginning and held my eyes captive right up until the end. Can't wait to see what happens next! Very well done.


 Comment Written 05-Nov-2010



reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
    I appreciate your kindness and encouragment more than you'll ever know..smiles, Carol
Comment by
eliz100
 
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This was a great read from beginning to end. I was trying to figure out why I like your writing. One reason is that it flows so easily along that before you know it the piece is finished. You have just the right combination of dialogue and description.


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2010



reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
    My apologies for being so late..but your support is no less appreciated. Thank you..Carol
Comment by
bookishfabler
 
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I enjoyed this story and am looking forward to the rest, but ere ar something to be aware of.


the past owner's great grandson , currently called it home. (move comma over)

I don't know what you would call this, but you do it so much in the story it became a distraction. here are a few examples...

Spying her Starbucks, he gently eased it from her hand.
(He gently ased her Starbucks out of her hand. (he spied her Starbucks and gently....)

Tossing her purse and the forgotten newspaper into a file drawer, she assumed the roll of Super Woman and started her day.
(She tossed her purse and newspapaer into a file drawer and assumed....
(I'm not saying do this all the time either, but I think your tring not to start a sentence with he she etc. you now went the whole other way. Read this out loud to yourself. You will see the pattern better.)

In this paragrapgh alone, you do it four times.
Three floors up, the new owner of Never Submit Entertainment, Matt Cassandro, prepared to meet his employees. Not one to follow protocol, he wore a classic 1800's English Gentleman's costume in order to blend in with the extras on the set. In disguise, he would be able to move undetected among the cast and crew, sizing up the operation and getting a first hand view of how things were run. Today, he'd be attending a Halloween Bash

I hope this was helpful
hugs Book


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2010



reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
    My apologies for being so late..but your support and help is no less appreciated. Thank you..Carol
Comment by
BethShelby
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  88
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  60
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  10
Review Stars
  Rank:  29
 

#10 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
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This story seems to have a good plot and the characters you have introduced are intriguing. It is amusing that Shannon gets away with having her new boss escorted from the set. The bad twin brother will no doubt complicate things in a negative way. I look forward to reading more.


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2010



reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
    Thanks again for always being a fan..Carol
Comment by
2012 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Realist101
 
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Hi Carol! This is going to be a mess, I bet! Brothers fighting. And women who will prbably be backstabbers?? I am just guessing of course. HA! ") More great dialogue too! This is a sophisticated thriller, I look forward to part 2! ") Love, and hope you are keeping warm! Susan


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2010



reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
    My apologies for being so late..but your support is no less appreciated. Thank you..Carol
Comment by
ladybird
 
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Mmm intriguing, making the reader want to read more. Seems as if you have another good story started. This held my interest. What has Richard been in goal for. Look forward to te next part.


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2010



reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
    ladybird,

    My mind is a whirl and trying to decide just where I want this to go...Glad you decided to come along for the ride..Smiles, Carol

reply by ladybird on 01-Nov-2010
    I always do. I love your writing.
Comment by
L.lora
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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Oh wow, tantilizing, exciting
and fresh. Your discriptions
are excellent putting your
reader right there and the
dialogues are spot on. The banter
between the CEO and Ms Shannon is
great, makes your reader want more.
A question="Shannon Littlefield (weaved=wove?) her way"
Looking forward to your
next post. Lora


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2010



reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
    Lora,

    Not sure where this one came from or where it's going, but I'm glad you came along for the ride..Thanks for the review...Carol
Comment by
Sasha
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
Sasha
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  17
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  108
 
Excellent
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You really did a great job with this one. You kept me glued to my chair and now biting my nails waiting to find out what happens next. I enjoyed this immensely, and I said, I am holding my breath for the next part.


 Comment Written 31-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
    Sasha,

    I'm biting my nails trying to figure where this story is headed as well. I'm not sure where the first chapter came from...I started writing and went along for the ride...Hope I don't get lost. Thanks for the kind review...Carol
Comment by
Sarah_Goldwell
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
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Excellent
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This was a smooth polished read from start to finish. My only gripe? It ended too quickly ;-) I was just getting into it and it's definitely something i would enjoy reading more of.


 Comment Written 31-Oct-2010



reply by the author on 01-Nov-2010
    Goldwell,

    This chapter just exploded out of me yesterday without any real plan so now I'll have to wrok real hard to continue to entertain you and me...Thanks for the wonderful review. Smiles, CArol
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