God and Man
A 4 Line Poem Contest Entry in 1, 5, 5, 9 syllable
Pays: 8 points.
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Reviews from
The Lady on the Balcony


Loving memories held to eternity.

  17 total reviews 
Comment by
Perp Ihebom
 
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This is a beautiful biographical piece about an ordinary old lady. You packed a lot of history into this and still managed to make it flow very well. kudos


 Comment Written 19-Jan-2011



reply by the author on 19-Jan-2011
    Thank you for your kind words. They are greatly appreciated.
Comment by
markk
 
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An excellent poem. I don't know if this is a tribute to someone specific or not but its written with a lot of thought and showing much personality. well done.


 Comment Written 18-Jan-2011



reply by the author on 18-Jan-2011
    Thank you! T'was a reflection inspire by a dear and cherished friend.
Comment by
joannesnow
 
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Beautifully written verse. Your rhyme and meter are great. Your words flow musically to tell a story of eloquence and style. Your first line, "living a century her sole claim to fame" tell the reader from there forward of her durability.


 Comment Written 18-Jan-2011



reply by the author on 18-Jan-2011
    I am so glad you picked up on the first line. In many of us there is an unseen durability in all of us, I so wanted to convey that. You words are music to my ears. Thank you!
Comment by
JennieClare
 
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You paint a lovely picture of this elegant old dame sitting on the deck with memories of her beloved. The ups and downs - through sickness and in health is what it's all about until we are ready for heaven. Thanks for sharing. JennieClare


 Comment Written 18-Jan-2011



reply by the author on 18-Jan-2011
    You are most welcome! Thank you for taking time to review this poem.

reply by JennieClare on 19-Jan-2011
    My pleasure!
Comment by
popoet
 
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I have to say you painted a brilliant colorful picture of this old lady, as though you had a paint brush. A beautiful written portrait.


 Comment Written 26-Dec-2010



reply by the author on 26-Dec-2010
    Thank you. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment by
The Stranger
 
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happy christmas my friend, lovely to see you once more sharing your thoughtfully constructed work once more, heres to a great 2011 for everybody here on fanstory


 Comment Written 26-Dec-2010



reply by the author on 26-Dec-2010
    Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your review. It's good to be back on fanstory.
Comment by
Gungalo
 
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With enduring love they weathered many ills
As deaths eerie darkness shrouds her soul in chills;
Lonely cherished moments herald joys untold,
In her lap just resting tiny hands so cold.

Love these lines you. What a gracious write this is and you told the story so very well. Love that elegant dame. You painted a wonderful picture with this write!!!


 Comment Written 25-Dec-2010



reply by the author on 25-Dec-2010
    Gungalo, Thank you so much for you kind words. I glad the message came through.

reply by Gungalo on 25-Dec-2010
    It's a beautiful write you!!!! My pleasure to read it.
Comment by
fdgsr
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Script Rating
 
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Excellent
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There seems to be a thread of continuity, but many breaks in the theme. It is difficult for one without the hidden code to decipher it. I sense the unique religious assumptions, but they do not fit the stereotypes I have come to associate with traditions. The flow and rhyme are good and the structure adequate. It asks more questions than can be answered in the space allocated.


 Comment Written 25-Dec-2010



reply by the author on 25-Dec-2010
    fdgsr, I do appreciate your review of this work. It gives some incite to a readers perspective. Since, I wish to learn from rveiws, could you be more specific? I do appreciate your taking the time to read my work. Thank you.
Comment by
Mary Ann MCPhedran
 
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A good write with good imagery,I enjoyed your script and you chose your words with well and was readable. Your art you chose blends well your script. A good write. Thanks for sharing with me. Mary


 Comment Written 24-Dec-2010



reply by the author on 24-Dec-2010
    Mary, you are more than welcom. Thank you for your kind words, they are greatly appreciated.
Comment by
RebelRose
 
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Excellent
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Her sole cmae to fame ... is this supposed to be her sole claim to fame or am I somehow reading it wrong? You said it that way in the last stanza so I am not sure if you meant that in the first one or not. At any rate, it is a good poem.


 Comment Written 24-Dec-2010



reply by the author on 24-Dec-2010
    Corrections have been made. Thanks for taking the time to red this word.

reply by the author on 24-Dec-2010
    Spelling does not seem to be my forte today. Again, thank you!

reply by RebelRose on 24-Dec-2010
    I just noticed that I spelled 'came' wrong in my review. Looks like we're both having a problem with spelling today. Have a geat Christmas.
    RR
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