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Reviews from
Flash Fiction Collection


Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Into the Gathering Storm"

a selection of my best flash fiction

  44 total reviews 
Comment by
hemase
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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This is a good piece of short ficiton which is a good old fashioned ghost story. It is well written and makes it easy for the reader to conjure up the images being portrayed. Good luck in the competition.


 Comment Written 06-Jan-2011



reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
    Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed my story, and I appreciate the kind review.
Comment by
2009-2014 Poet Of The Year
adewpearl
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
 
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Excellent
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a snippet of song, laughed a tinkling trill, fat raindrops fell faster - I love it when prose is written to appeal to a poet's ear :-)
Oh, I had shivers at the end when it turns out her spell over him had called him from the lighthouse just when it was about to collapse from a lightning strike :-) What a great story of being saved by a guardian angel. I absolutely love your descriptions of setting and characters - this has to be a strong contender in this contest!!! Brooke


 Comment Written 06-Jan-2011



reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
    Thank you, Brooke. I love to add poetic grace notes to my stories. I'm glad you enjoyed my story.
Comment by
sibhus
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Wow, great story with an excellent pace that help to create a tension that captured the readers interest. Your descriptions added to the story giving a a real feel for the setting and your characters. I thought the ending worked really well. Overall it was a very goo entry for this contest, and good luck.


 Comment Written 06-Jan-2011



reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
    Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed my story.
Comment by
Adama
 
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Excellent
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Wow. A good flash story is able to captivate and draw the reader in, leaving them wanting more. This was well executed and did just that. Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 06-Jan-2011



reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
    Thank you, Adama, I appreciate the kind review.
Comment by
amselah210
 
 
Good
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Excellent story line and character development. The scene drew me in to the end which gave it a great climax.

The treacherous rocks would soon be slippery and even more treacherous - could use a different adjective like perilous in the same sentence

lightning arced
should be lightning arched

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 06-Jan-2011



reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
    Thank you for the honest review.
    The repeat of treacherous was deliberate and makes a point.
    One of the definitions of "arced"= to form an electric arc--is just what I intended.
Comment by
gauntlet
 
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Pretty cool little story. It was well written and I didn't see any SPAG. Wonder what made the lighthouse fall. Was it an earthquake? Why did the mysterious lady want to save him? This story left a few questions unanswered, but I guess that was the point of it. Enjoyable overall.


 Comment Written 06-Jan-2011



reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
    thank you, the lightning bolt brought down the lighthouse (I thought I made that clear, but maybe not) and the lady was his guardian angel

    Thank you for your kind review

reply by gauntlet on 06-Jan-2011
    Okay. Read this at work. Probably was a bit distracted.
Comment by
stanishmichelle
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  375
 
Excellent
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This story is nice. I think it's a good plot which began interesting and ended that way too. It is well written and a good contest entry.


 Comment Written 06-Jan-2011



reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
    Thank you, Michelle, I'm so glad you enjoyed my story.

reply by stanishmichelle on 06-Jan-2011
    Thanks too.
Comment by
Herb
 
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A good little piece of flash fiction. well written and some really good im imagery. I liked the way you made him feel he was in the right place before he knew why. The guardian Angel element will certanily give it a chance of winning. The setting was also good it gave it a good mood and sense of turmoil.


 Comment Written 06-Jan-2011



reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
    Thank you, Herb. I appreciate the detailed feedback.
Comment by
MacNizzle
Level 2 Pro
 
Poet Rating
 
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Excellent
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The action in this piece is well-paced - it builds the suspense perfectly. Up until the lighthouse is destroyed, the woman's motives are unknown. I even considered that she might be a sort of land-locked Siren looking to lure him to his death. The mystery is maintained until the point the author is ready to reveal it. This is as it should be. All your imagery is superb.

My only suggestion would be to reconsider the sentence "Maybe she was part goat." It pulled me out of the scene and I began picturing a kind of woman/billy goat hybrid prancing around on the rocks. Not necessarily a bad thing but probably more comedic than you intended. Might I suggest "She danced away across a dozen more rocks with the grace of a mountain goat" or something to that effect? All in all, a great piece. It makes me want to give flash fiction another go.

Best of luck in the contest!


 Comment Written 05-Jan-2011



reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
    Ah, snap! That's it! I have puzzled at that bit for the longest time and couldn't work it out. Thanks so much for the great suggestion.

    I hope you will give flash fiction another try. It's an excellent exercise in word economy.
Comment by
teacherdub
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Specter,angel,imagination. The woman in the story reminds us that life can suddenly take on ethereal footing. This is an excellent storyline. The flash-fiction aspect makes the telling of it a matter of finesse. That ability comes across powerfully here. Good Job!! td


 Comment Written 05-Jan-2011



reply by the author on 05-Jan-2011
    Thank you, I'm very glad you enjoyed my flash fiction story.
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