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Idol Adventures

Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "How Did I get here?"

Based on personal African experience via Hollywood

16 total reviews

Comment by

MelissaBickel

Review Stars

Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is very interesting. I haven't read the other bits, but I think there are a few morals to the story here as well. Made me smile in many of your lines.

Comment Written 21-Oct-2012

reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012

Always glad to make readers smile! Thanks for commenting!

Comment by

justatuna

Review Stars

Excellent

I thought this was an excellent story. Perhaps some will not appreciate your descriptive write, but I thought it was great. Maybe it could be tightened up a bit, but what can't? You painted a very vivid picture allowing the reader to be in the scence. Wish I had more to offer, but I'm no expert. Just know what I like. Great job.

Comment Written 21-Oct-2012

reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012

Thank you and anyone who likes my stuff is an expert in my view! Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for commenting!

Comment by

Mary Ann MCPhedran

Review Stars

Exceptional

This work has reached the exceptional level

This is a good write and I enjoyed the read. A well described story and easy to follow. Thanks for sharing your story with me. Mary

Comment Written 21-Oct-2012

reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012

Thank you for reading it and commenting,Mary! I appreciate you taking the time to do that!

Comment by

October21

Review Stars

Excellent

Sometimes we turn around in life and ask ourselves: How did I get here? It's part of the process of moving forward with life. I like the question as the title... it gave me a lot to think about. Also, it makes the story have many possibly outcomes...

Take care,
October

Comment Written 20-Oct-2012

reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012

Thank you but you do realize that the story is total fiction and supposed to be humorous? Your review seems to be strangely disassociated with what I wrote. Nevertheless, thank you for your efforts.

Comment by

Glasstruth

Review Stars

Excellent

LOL. Wouldn't want to be on that plane. Wild and bizarre, and I like it. Seems to be like two stories in one. There's humor in one, then the other has a sentimental side to it. Very original. Keep it up! Les

Comment Written 20-Oct-2012

reply by the author on 20-Oct-2012

Yes, I do a lot of digressing in this book ... it gets worse ... or better depending on how much readers like diversion. Thanks for reading and commenting!

Comment by

MidnightWriter4U

Review Stars

Excellent

Very funny story. I especially like, "... a drug-laden small plane being manually started on a moonless night by a drunk spinning its prop. Some say King had a hand in it.". I assume this part of the story continues elsewhere, further on, in this work. A very enjoyable read.

Comment Written 19-Oct-2012

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012

Thank you. No, King is incidental as part of a bad pun (are there good puns?)but the story continues staggering on. Thanks for reviewing.

reply by MidnightWriter4U on 19-Oct-2012

You are welcome. Enjoyed this! MN :)

Comment by

Cornelius2000

Review Stars

Excellent

I'm not sure where you're going with this, but you're getting there with a completely bizarre sense of humor (which I'm enjoying....and envying).
Check "That things a piece of junk." Needs an apostrophe...."thing's" Small matter....fun story.

Comment Written 19-Oct-2012

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012

Thanks so much, glad you liked it. I'm making this stuff up as I go along so I don't know where I'm going either! Thanks for reading and commenting!

Comment by

RaymondJohn

Review Stars

Average

This is manic with piling on of adjectives. I laughed at first, but being over the top quickly wears thin. Interesting story with a lot of incisive observations. If this is a madhouse, at least it's an interesting one. My biggest suggestion is tune it down. Hope this is helpful, even if it may not sound like it. Cheers. Ray

Comment Written 19-Oct-2012

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012

In my defense (I know I'm not supposed to do this) I believe there are highs and lows in my book. If it wears thin in places it will be thick in others. That's an awkward comparison but what can you expect from a thick-head? To tell you the truth, I loved writing this. I had so much fun doing it that even right-on advice bounces off me like nails do from a magnet ... Seriously, thanks for reading and commenting. I am glad you got a chuckle or two out of it.

Comment by

Rdfrdmom2

Poet Rating

Rank: 57

Author Rating For Short Works

Rank: 38

Author Rating For Novels

Rank: 19

Review Stars

Rank: 26

Excellent

Deniz22:

This is a wild and crazy story, full of cliches, but
it is obvious that is intentional on your part. It
sounds like Louie could sell ice to an Eskimo. I bet
he would have liked to swallow his tongue when he
said, "Hi, Mom" in your presence.

thanks for sharing
I look forward to reading more of your work soon
love,
jan

Comment Written 19-Oct-2012

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2012

Thank you Jan! I'm as proud as punch and happy as a clam with your review. I do take issue with your claim to have seen an over use of cliches in my book however! In fact I'm as mad as a wet hen or even a hornet, take your pick! :)

Comment by

c_lucas

Review Stars

Good

breaking a Pepsi bottle before they were made of plastic!(If the narrator is in a very dark environment,how would s/he know it was a Pepsi bottle that was broken?)

The post is in desperate need of a rewrite to tighten it up and narrowing it down. You need to work on your expressions. I could not get into your story, sorry.

Comment Written 18-Oct-2012

reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012

The piece no doubt could be rewritten to improve it, as with most works.

However, there is absolutely no problem with the following sentence since it is a comparison from the narrator's previous experience and does not refer to a Pepsi bottle actually being shattered but the silence on the dark night.

"Suddenly, the quiet was shattered like breaking a Pepsi bottle before they were made of plastic!"

Perhaps you read a little too fast in your reviewing? Thanks for your effort.

reply by c_lucas on 18-Oct-2012

I was simply pointing out how did the narrator know it was a pepsi bottle. You are the author and it is your story.

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