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Reviews from
The Power of Balance


A tricky conversation.

  47 total reviews 
Comment by
Sirach11
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
seriously, I'm reading "remberance of things past" and it doesnt make me want to give up writing, probably because i write all wing-waggily too.
Mailer, he cant be emulated, so no threat there but your work is so techniquely correct and tight, makes me think to jump ship.

write for fun, what you love but ....we're not on this site to get an F.

cheers


 Comment Written 13-Mar-2013



reply by the author on 13-Mar-2013
    Thank you again, Sirach. But please don't jump ship. I'm not sure I caught all your references. Are you comparing or contrasting me with Mailer? Either way, I'm thrilled.
    As for getting Fs, some reviews have seen fit to award with one-star reviews. Doesn't make my day, but I haven't bought a gun yet, either.

    Thanks so much for looking through the archives.

    Peace, Lee

reply by Sirach11 on 13-Mar-2013
    few can compete with Mailer, but if i'd read the first chapter of your piece then Russo's, i would have picked yours to read because subj matter interested be more; i read Empire 'because of' of his ability to dialogue; reading it gave me permission to be a bit braver, and push the dialogue more.

    look forward to following your work.

    cheers
Comment by
michael Walker
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I really enjoyed this story. I could see the characters as real. The chair balancing act was worded to a tee. I became involved with the characters and their doin's. You have a real talent and I appreciate a good writer. Thanks


 Comment Written 09-Nov-2012



reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
    Thank you, Michael. I appreciate the look into my portfolio, and the very encouraging comments. Peace, Lee
Comment by
eberry4
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
So happy to get to read some more of your incredible writing. I actually liked the part "scotch free". I sometimes speak that way when I'm just messin' around. Ha! I loved the whole thing....Eydie


 Comment Written 10-Oct-2012



reply by the author on 11-Oct-2012
    Thank you, Eydie. I'm always humbled when folks reach into my portfolio. Much appreciated. Peace, Lee

reply by eberry4 on 13-Oct-2012
    you are very welcome!
Comment by
KATZEE
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Once the dialogue commenced, the more I read, the more I wanted to read. However, the introduction did not grab me, and I almost stopped reading until Whit and Sid started conversing.

The unexpected twist towards the end, and the carefully considered revealing conclusion made it a good ending.


 Comment Written 15-Sep-2012



reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
    Thank you, KATZEE. I appreciate your comments about the beginning of the story, but I still feel what you call the introduction is actually the foundation of the story. It sets a tone, a base, and a theme--all crucial to understanding the nature of the dialogue that follows. I'm not trying to change you mind, I'm merely explaining my point of view. The story needs the foundation for the balance. I will concede that this site discourages nuanced storytelling--I failing of the site if you ask me.
    Again, thank you very much for the read and your comments.

    Peace, Lee
Comment by
FrankieXP
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Yeah, you deserve it. Positives: nice scene work. Very focused scene work and tight dialogue. I've read some other of your stuff, and its clear you like this "good ole boy" kind of dialogue, and you're good at it. What makes it interesting for me is that it mixes the simplicity of country talk with the complexity of the feelings and issues beneath the talk. Flannery O'Connor is very good at this technique, and as you know, she also liked to write of plain country folk.

The "balance" motif was nicely worked. Iimprovement: If Noah was so near death, why pick now to shoot him? Also, seems to me a bit out of character that Sid is a film critic on the side. Finally, your narrator's point of view is first person, and I think it works. I think it would work even better from the 3rd person objective, like a witness on the scene simply describing what he saw and heard. That might add a bit to the reader's sense that he the reader was the one to figure out what was really going on in the story.

Finally, in our Notes, you indicate a story teller will pick this up. Do you regularly write for stories to be told / performed?

BTW, I think this may be the only 6 Star I have given. Give me an excuse to do it again. Keep writing!


 Comment Written 29-Aug-2012



reply by the author on 29-Aug-2012
    Thank you, FrankieXP for your exceptional review. I'm pleased you mention the country folk dialogue. And yes, I do favor these kinds of characters for the richness of their language and idioms.
    Sid's decision to shoot his friend was one of those final straw deals. He finally couldn't bear the suffering. I considered using third person, but I belive there is more poignancy in first person. Noah's interest in film was simply a hobby. It's not unusual for artistic people to have strong interests in more than one field of creativity.
    My notes just indicated that I prefer my stories to be 'heard' even as they're being read.
    Again, I very much appreciate this thoughtful review.

    Peace, Lee
Comment by
Contests
 
 

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review.


 Comment Written 28-Aug-2012



reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
    Thank you. Lee
Comment by
tallahasseesmiles
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I think this is really good. The story was easy to follow and the subject was very interesting. It kept me wanting to hurry up and read to the end. Thank you for sharing.


 Comment Written 26-Aug-2012



reply by the author on 27-Aug-2012
    Thank you so much, tallahasseesmiles. I'm delighted you enjoyed the story. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Adri7enne
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  471
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Best one of yours I ever read, Lee. Perfectly balanced.

"Useless, Noah's retired retriever, ..." When you start the sentence with his name, it makes it harder to figure out it's his name, and not just a sentence opening. "Noah's retired retriever, Useless, attempted ..."Makes it clearer it's the dog's name.
Except for that, I wouldn't change a thing. I even caught the 'scotch free' and knew you'd used it deliberately in the dialogue. You're good, Lee. This is publisheable material. Truly well done, including the storyteller's language, outside the quotes. Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2012



reply by the author on 23-Aug-2012
    Thank you, Adri7enne. I made the changes you suggested. Thanks so much for your fine review. Peace, Lee
Comment by
ennahanid
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Them old country boys get along just fine don't they, and understand each other. Love these characters, love the Henry Fonda/Wyatt Earp routine, very visual, damn I was on that porch petting on old Useless and taking in every darn word. A very casual approach to a mercy killing/assisted suicide of a dear lifetime friend. Brought a bit of a chuckle, a contented grin and a satisfied sigh at the satisfactory ending. Thank you so much for the great entertainment - Dinah


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2012



reply by the author on 23-Aug-2012
    Thank you so much, Dinah. This is one of my favorite pieces for this year. I really appreciate the review, but I'm sorry it wasn't paying. Thanks again. Peace, Lee

reply by ennahanid on 23-Aug-2012
    Got my vote, it didn't have to be paying it was just a darn good read and kept me entertained and off the streets and out of trouble LOL
Comment by
barkingdog
Premier Author
2013 #2 Ranked Novelist
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I found this in a contest booth and thought I'd send you a review. It's really a terrific story. The metaphoric balancing of the chair and the balancing act(the story) with the sheriff and the shooting of Noah were an excellent parallel.
Love your quaint phrasing. It adds realism, brings real color and shape, to your characters.

Good luck in the contest.:)


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2012



reply by the author on 23-Aug-2012
    Thank you, Ellen. This is one of my favorite pieces of this year. I really appreciate the review. Sorry it isn't paying anymore. Thanks again. Peace, Lee

reply by barkingdog on 23-Aug-2012
    I often read for the pleasure of it. Money isn't everything.:)
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