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Deadline: In 4 Days

2-4-2 Poetry
Deadline: Nov 30th

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Deadline: Dec 1st

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Reviews from
Dinner is Coming


A new neighbor moves in with unusual appetite

  23 total reviews 
Comment by
mroberts
 
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Great ending with the hunger pangs. I guess Ralph will be the meal. Ralph is a jerk anyway so small loss there. He knows the vamp is on the loose, but all he promises is he'll come home early. Jerry's bold compulsiveness is refreshing compared to Ralph's milktoastiness. Jerry rocks.


 Comment Written 30-Sep-2012



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2012
    Thank you so much for your review! :)
Comment by
ophanim
 
 
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Good read. I got sucked right into (haha, no vampire puns intended) the story and had to read all of it! The dialogue was pretty clear, but it wouldn't hurt to have a few more tags here and there or description interspersed. Two silly detail things, "pale as pepper jack cheese" got me! Pepper jack has red spots of peppers in it. Maybe pale as jack cheese? And when Ralph puts on his robe and slippers and slumbers next door. Do you mean shuffles next door? Again, your writing moves right along and offers enough description to give the reader a clear picture of the story.


 Comment Written 30-Sep-2012



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2012
    Thank you so much for your encouraging and helpful review. I am using your great suggestions to improve this story. Thanks again!
Comment by
MacJanny
 
 
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Very nice work here. I enjoyed that very much and look forward to your future submissions. Lots of detail which really plays up with the imagery that floated so nicely through my mind as I read.


 Comment Written 27-Sep-2012



reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
    Thank you so much for this wonderful review!
Comment by
GWHARGIS
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  Rank:  214
 
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The poor husband. I liked that you showed the irate neighbor angle and the car accident was a novel approach. This was a great and moving story. Nice job. And good luck.


 Comment Written 27-Sep-2012



reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
    Thank you so much for this review!
Comment by
Cindy Warren
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  Rank:  117
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  Rank:  22
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  Rank:  19
 
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I loved the twist at the end. At first I thought he was the dumbest vampire on the planet; one who moves into an appartment, gets run over, bothers his neighbors, and kills his victims in the parking garage. I can imagine that lawyer's surprise when he comes home.


 Comment Written 27-Sep-2012



reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
    LOL! Exactly. Thank you so much for your wonderful review.
Comment by
THE FREAK
 
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You are in the moment with this, for the market is beaming with supernatural phantoms. If you are going to become public and recognised as a writer; NOW; is your chance, for the market will change so you might as well jump on the bang wagon while you can. Best of luck...!
Ooh, the chapter...!
He flicked his fangs and was ready to attack once again, suckling the blood of the innocent and high energised victims. How do you feel? Me personally, well lets just say I hate things that go bump in the night and a new pair of underwear is in order.
Cracking chapter.
All the best with your releases
The freak


 Comment Written 27-Sep-2012



reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
    Thank you so much for your encouraging review!!! I hope you're right about being in the moment.
Comment by
AlvinTEthington
 
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I really enjoyed this story. I like most the emphasis on food--very amusing when a vampire is around. You fulfilled the obligations of the contest well. (I did enjoy seeing what happens to men who neglect their wives...)


 Comment Written 27-Sep-2012



reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
    Thank you so much. You are the only one to have caught that between the message message!
Comment by
Mrs Happy Poet
 
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This is very well written you build the story very well keeping the reader engrossed wanting to read on. It is very realistic I don't know how Ralph and Karen managed to eat there dinner following Harry description of the murder scene and the victim,and I liked the ending waiting for her husband to return no doubt well done my friend regards Jill


 Comment Written 27-Sep-2012



reply by the author on 27-Sep-2012
    Thank you so much! I too thought about that dinner aspect, and I thought about the not eating, the smell of food, so I went with Karen picking at it, but not meaning she could eat the whole thing. :) Good point though. Maybe I'll change that part. Thank you!
Comment by
jjstar
 
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Very well written. I don't usually read this genre, but once I started, I couldn't stop. The imagery was excellent, the build up of suspense wonderful and what and ending. Good luck in the contest!


 Comment Written 26-Sep-2012



reply by the author on 26-Sep-2012
    Thank you so much for your encouraging review and for reading this story!
Comment by
Mountainstar2
 
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Excellent
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I think this story is written very well and is detailed from start til finish. It holds the interest of the reader and tells the story well. I feel it is a good choice for the contest entry. Good luck. Mountainstar2..


 Comment Written 26-Sep-2012



reply by the author on 26-Sep-2012
    Thank you so much for your review!

reply by Mountainstar2 on 05-Oct-2012
    You are very welcome my friend. MS2..
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