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Reviews from
Wanderlost


Updated with a few new stanzas

  127 total reviews 
Comment by
wordsareus
 
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Just out of curiosity, how long ago did you write this poem? You certainly have a flare with words. I like your mono rhyming scheme in each stanza.


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
    I'm very new to poetry, I wrote that poem two weeks ago.
Comment by
fairy77
 
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Wanderlost was very well rhymed.I enjoyed new words such as interpid or barren.I felt for the first poem that you indeed have talent and very good meter:)beth fairy77.


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
    Thank you for the kind words and great rating!!
Comment by
Winslow
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Dear Wonderlost,

The path not often tread, but goes the man and quikens upon the road to find his fate and perhaps those things he'll come to dread.

I don't completely understand this poem but that must be good since it makes one think.

Warm regards,

Winslow


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
    Thank you for your remarks and great rating!
Comment by
Laurie Keim
 
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Exceptional
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Hi Wander.
Your first stanza is impeccable both in diction and sense. It is awesome in the true meaning of the word. You feel the foreboding.

"A thousand years pass by like days
An extended echo, desert haze
And ne'er in all of Shakespeare's plays
Did this woe impede the way"

The reference to Frost reworked into your own poem shows great confidence and skill as a poet.

"The road less taken's often bare
The Earth's custodian never there
To fix the tears from lack of care
And reknit the stitches wear "
And so the wonderful grace of this poem continues:

"With wanderlust a few now stand
Scouring mountains, turning sand
In search of Frost's forgotten land
The path that time remands"

The first blemish I think:
"Conformity now giving chase"

Should read "Conformity now gives chase".

I love the poet's indignation at the end. The most interesting poem I've read on FS for some time.

Cheers,
Laurie Keim

"


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
    Thank you for all of these insightful comments. I truly appreciate them!
Comment by
mshirachot
 
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Great opening line. It captured my attention and made me think of the scripture verse that states "a day is as a thousand years". In the frailty of our short lifetimes, we cannot fathom living out just one "eternal day".

This is well written for a "first" poem. It apparently made an impact on you as you've chosen it's title as your screen name as well. Reminds me that I need to open up an antique trunk and dig out the first poem I wrote.

Thanks for sharing this with us.
Blessings to you,
Marsha


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012


Comment by
Axiom Gray
Premier Author
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Excellent work here. I really liked the rhyming you decided to use. One thing I would change is towards the last stanzas:

oceans brine---ocean's brine


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012


Comment by
Tengeresz
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi

A well thought out poem echoing Robert frosts refrains of yesteryear. Poetry has became an antiquated form of self expression yet, poetry continues to titillate as it morphs in its form to present day rap. Outstanding write. Worthy of the six.

Tengeresz


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012


Comment by
Cornetist
 
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The Shakespeare reference caused me to pay attention to the meter and then the Frost reference put me on the "road less traveled..." So...good effort for your first attempt althought the metric patterns are a bit bumpy (like the road you speak of)You set the tone of metric imbalance in S1 with L1 & L3 nicely writ in iambic tetrameter while L2 & L4 go off on metric tangents.
So...if it was purposefully done (this metric sleigh-ride) then I'll say..(for me) it impedes a smooth progress through the poem. If it was inadvertant then...my suggestion would be to take some time and try to "smooth out" the read. Might I offer an example:
In S1, remove "An" from L2;
From the line, "Did this woe impede the way" remove "this"
The first four lines will then scan:
a THOU/ sand YEARS/ pass BY/ like DAYS (iambic tetrameter)
ex TEN/ ded E/ cho DES/ ert HAZE (iambic trimeter)
and NE'ER/ in ALL/ of SHAKE/ spear's PLAYS
(iambic tetrameter)

Did WOE/ im PEDE/ the WAY (iambic trimeter)
Read it aloud - lower case unstressed, upper case stressed - I think you'll be able to feel the smooth road. You might want to try going through the rest of the poem and try to smooth out other metric bumps you might find. This, of course, is all just in my opinion...just trying to help!!
Cornetist




 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012


Comment by
c_lucas
 
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And excellent choice of an Image. It is fitting to this the character of this well written poem. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012


Comment by
Peter@Poole
 
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This is a well-written account written in poetic form. The rhyming is well executed but the meter is variable, requiring more practice and/or saying aloud in order to detect the wobbles.
Peter


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012


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