Hard-Boiled Times
layiing it straight
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Reviews from
Wanderlost


Updated with a few new stanzas

  127 total reviews 
Comment by
Jmf4119
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  Rank:  63
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  Rank:  99
 
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First of all, welcome to FanStory Wanderlust.
This is very well written for one of your first poems. Very nice rhyme and meter and vivid imagery throughout. I look forward to reading more of your work.


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012


Comment by
9999pool
 
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In case we are 'wandering' and is 'lost' due to all the broken dreams and the rough pot-holed roads seems never ending, that man went astray and given up hope - abandoned and banish from Eden as before. Have we ever learnt to be someone of kind heart, grace, and politeness without the false pretenses and build that dream of mankind living in peace and harmony with nature? Good poem. great imagery and I need not take a second read to get its clear healtfelt message. Cheers.


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012


Comment by
Suzie Q
 
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What a powerful poem! Great rhyme and flow. You express yourself very well here. I especially liked " In the end they will not find, the elusive Eden of their kind, Not in woods or oceans brine, For 'tis long ago resigned" Well said!


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012


Comment by
Juliette Chamberlain
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I like how you include little cameos of other poets' words here and there, without losing the central trend of the poem.
In order to keep your rhyme pattern consistant it would be better to also make 'sands' plural. Since you mention mountsins One can assume that sands would refer to deserts.
An enjoyable read.

Juliette


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
    Thank you for your great review and insightful comments!
    Wanderlost
Comment by
sweetwoodjax
 
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this is very well written, wanderlost, you did an excellent job writing this monorhyme poem about the way we don't take care of the gift of nature we've been given, i enjoyed reading it


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
    Thank you very much Sweetwoodjax for your great review.
Comment by
mystery poet
 
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This has a syllable count of nine and eight in
alternating phrases. A well written piece with
excellent rhyme, rhythm and flows smooth. For
a first effort I'd say you did just fine. Thank
you for digging this out and sharing it!


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
    Thank you mystery poet! It makes me so happy to hear my work so well received!

reply by mystery poet on 23-Nov-2012
    And, well received it is!
    My pleasure!
Comment by
Angels27
 
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There is so much of in-depth meaning in the above lines. It is awesome writing for your beginning days. There are so many layers in it and allows the reader to interpret accordingly.


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
    Thank you for such a starling review!
Comment by
mumsyone
 
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First of all, welcome to FanStory!

Your poem is nicely done; well written quatrains with mono-rhyme, and appropriate artwork to complement it.


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
    Thank you very much for the kind words mumsyone!
Comment by
alexisleech
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  Rank:  353
 
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Well, if this is one of the first poems you wrote, I hate to think how much better it gets! I love good rhyming quatrains that have good meter, and this certainly fits the bill. I look forward to reading more.

Alexis x


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
    Thank you very much alexisleech!
Comment by
N.K. Wagner
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  Rank:  155
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  Rank:  385
 
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One wonders if Robert Frost's country is gone or just lying low until the dust settles. A fine piece of work, wanderlost. :) nancy


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2012



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
    Thank you very much nancy for the kind words and great remarks!
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