The Seasons of Our Journey
contest entry
Pays: 8 points.
62 member cents
Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

Sonnet Poetry Contest
Deadline: In 6 Days

2-4-2 Poetry
Deadline: Nov 30th

True Story Flash
Deadline: Dec 1st

Lune Poetry Contest
Deadline: Dec 2nd

75 Words Flash Fiction
Deadline: Dec 4th


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
If it Quacks...


Fear and Denial in Flash Fiction--550 words

  64 total reviews 
Comment by
Rachelle Allen
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  26
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  13
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  7
Review Stars
  Rank:  630
 

#7 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
You got me good on this one. I fell right into the trap you cleverly set. It wasn't until I re-read it that I saw all the times I filled in the blanks incorrectly...that old saw about when you "assume." I love stories like this, and this one is especially excellent.


 Comment Written 03-Feb-2019


Comment by
IKinnie
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Very well written, I feel there should be more emotion surrounding the diagnosis. There should be more questions from spouse. I understand you have limited words.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 24-Dec-2017



reply by the author on 24-Dec-2017
    Thank you.
Comment by
Brigitte Elko
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Sorry, I don't have the six stars this deserves but since it is already a winner, no worries. I can picture this confrontational doctor visit as if I were there. This may be fiction but could very well be true, older folks see doctors as youngsters these days. The ending was unexpected and touched my heart. One of the best on FS so far for me.
Fan Friend,
Brigitte


 Comment Written 04-Dec-2017



reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
    Thank you for browsing my portfolio, Brigitte. I delighted you found something to suit your fancy. Peace, Lee

reply by Brigitte Elko on 11-Dec-2017
    I really enjoy your work.
    Brigitte
Comment by
Auto-Manic
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Quack quack and waddle waddle. Went through this with my dad at the VA, HA! Just about what I read in your story. Miss the ol' Fart a lot. I still take him a bottle of beer at the VA Cemetery every fourth of July...So thanks.
Kind regards
Norm


 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017



reply by the author on 01-Jul-2017
    Thank you, Auto-Matic. I took care of my mother for about ten years. My mother never cared for beer. I bring her flowers--and drink a beer. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
pbomar1115
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  123
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I thoroughly enjoy the writing. The distrustful Hank has been around and knows what motivates people. Even though this is fiction, it reports much about life. Also, I am inspired to improve on my dialogue, scene, sequel . . .oh, what heck. I can never come up to the level of the piece if I don't put in a much more time writing. I love your writing. I think the best writers make you love their work.


 Comment Written 25-Apr-2017



reply by the author on 04-May-2017
    Thank you, pbomar. Don't sell yourself short, my friend. Writing is all about practice. Some things work, some don't. Keep at it. Glad you liked my story. Peace, Lee

reply by pbomar1115 on 04-May-2017
    If or when or . . .I stop making basic mistakes, I will be convinced. Thanks for the encouragement. We all need it.
Comment by
lucky linda
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Very sad story. It's hard enough to hear a negative diagnosis for one's self, but for a loved one that will change things forever, harder still. Sometimes reacting with humor can actually save our lives. Thank you for sharing.


 Comment Written 25-Jul-2016



reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
    Thank you, lucky linda. Funny, I can never figure why people pick particular stories from my portfolio. Maybe a title provides a draw. In any case, thanks for reading and reviewing. Much appreciated. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Robert Louis Fox
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
My first review--so take that for what it's worth. Must the prompt be included in the story? The theme is implied skillfully with Hank's defensive reactions. The last line could have been left off and the story would be just as good.

The diversion was well executed. I liked the stream of conscientiousness narrative appealing to every one's personal fears about aging without being cliche. I didn't see the twist coming. It was simple without being corny.

The narrator's defensive reactions and desire to pigeon-hole the doctor's motivations is an excellent device for both describing the doctor and revealing the narrator's character, backstory, and protective nature.

If I was left wanting, it was in dialogue--a word or 2 from the doctor perhaps replacing exposition deployed via Hank's thought's. Or maybe I didn't get what the author meant by 'I can't control what you do with them.' because the dialogue used is otherwise efficient.

My over all feeling is one of wondering how someone might more (seemingly) effortlessly cram anymore story into 550 words. It's well done and complete. My rating is 5.5 stars, however, as a non-writer, I don't think I'm permitted.


 Comment Written 23-Oct-2015



reply by the author on 23-Oct-2015
    Thank you, Bob. Your first review is well appreciated. Frankly, I don't remember all that I was thinking when I wrote this. But all of your comments are valid.
    I have an affinity for dialogue. Sometimes I employ non sequiturs because they occur in real conversations. The 'I can't control' line is leap made by the doctor because he's already anticipating Hank's response. I know. I tend to ask a lot from the reader.

    I'm honored you chose this story. Thanks so much.

    Peace, Lee

reply by Robert Louis Fox on 23-Oct-2015
    Hi Lee. I appreciate the nomination for the review. On that basis I am now a ranked reviewer. Looking forward to reading more. Best regards, BobFox
Comment by
cercie
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This story is so compelling and I enjoyed every minute plus I read it twice. Poor Joyce but what a tricky doctor. Thank you for sharing. I only wish I could write this well one day
cercie


 Comment Written 14-Jul-2015



reply by the author on 16-Jul-2015
    Thank you for digging this one up, cercie. And thank you for the encouraging words. I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
mvbrooks
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Overall I enjoyed the story. I liked the twist at the end--but it also confused me. It seems at the end that Joyce has the dementia diagnosis, yet in paragraph 5 you write, "Probably imaginin' me in them adult diapers with snot runnin' down my chin and a where am I look on my face. " So I'm not sure at the end of the story who has the dementia. Par 5 suggests Hank has the dementia diagnosis and the last comment by the doctor suggests it's Joyce.

If it is Joyce, perhaps par 5 could be reworded to Joyce just picturing the diapers and snot -- but not specifically on any person.

I'm impressed with how compact you made this story, yet still had character development for each of the 3 characters.


 Comment Written 14-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
    Thank you, mvbrooks. I understand your confusion about which character has the dementia. Frankly, para 5 was written as 'misdirection'. See, Joyce doesn't know she has dementia (which is often the case). She thinks the doctor is referring to Hank's condition, and Hank knows that. That's why Hank suspects Joyce is 'probably imagining him in them adult diapers...' I admit I'm being tricky here, try to mislead the reader, which is an important aspect to writing real Flash Fiction. I think if you look at it again, it might make more sense.

    Regardless, I truly appreciate the review, and your thoughtful comments. Peace, Lee
Comment by
martha france cannon
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I like flash stories and this is wonderful. characters are wonderful and certainly make this story. really good descriptive sentences. the inner dialogue is great.


 Comment Written 03-Jun-2014



reply by the author on 04-Jun-2014
    Thank you, martha france cannon. I enjoy flash, myself. I'm delighted you found this one and enjoyed. Peace, Lee
  -1-  2 3 4 5 6 7  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
Don't Look Back Smuckatelly
Another Smuckatelly Adventure


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy