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Reviews from
An Unlikely Tale


How Women's Lib Got Started

  20 total reviews 
Comment by
cherylmelwoods
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
No spats from me Lou! Haha what an incredible talent you have! Enthralling, funny and clever from beginning to end! You really made my day Lou! Glad to see Adam pulling his weight in Eden ! Congrats my dear on such a brilliant write! The words were so well crafted and put a huge smile on my face. Thank you! Xxx


 Comment Written 18-Dec-2012



reply by the author on 19-Dec-2012
    Thank you so much, sweet Cheryl. I appreciate your generous review and those encouraging words. If I gave you a giggle, my work here is done. For a while, anyway. Big Hug, Lou
Comment by
Norbanus
 
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Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a very imaginative yarn, Louise. I sound like you might be speaking form experience. Or could it be that the original Eve has shared some of her well earned knowledge?


 Comment Written 18-Dec-2012



reply by the author on 19-Dec-2012
    Thank you so much for your kind and generous review. I think it's so sad that young women are mutilating their bodies with enormous breast implants.
Comment by
2009-2014 Poet Of The Year
adewpearl
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Great attention-grabbing humorous opening :-)
Great dialogue
I love it when Adam complains about cup size and God gets testy
I love the appearance of Gloria Steinem - this is very very funny :-) Brooke


 Comment Written 18-Dec-2012



reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
    Thank you so much, Brooke. I admit I did give this one serious consideration before posting because it could be offensive to some folks. But the devil in me won out. Hugs, Lou

reply by adewpearl on 18-Dec-2012
    Hey, I attend church each and every week - those who would be offended need to lighten up :-)

reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
    Aren't you a sweetheart! I know that you're religious and you are one of the people I was concerned about offending. As I said to Miss Spitfire, I don't think the naughty me should be encouraged, lol.

reply by adewpearl on 18-Dec-2012
    I firmly believe in God and just as firmly believe he has one great sense of humor :-)
Comment by
2014 Novelist and 2016 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Phyllis Stewart
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  Rank:  136
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  17 (+1)
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  Rank:  25
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 Rank:  19
 
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Very unusual take on it, but a fun read! As a not-so-endowed lady myself, I can appreciate Sylvie's position. Hey, buddy, I've seen bigger ****s too, ya know! So quit yer bitchin and let's have some fun. :)


 Comment Written 17-Dec-2012



reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
    Thank you so much, Phyllis. I'm so pleased you saw the humor. Regards, Lou
Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
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  Rank:  31 (+1)
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  Rank:  232
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
LOL This is soooo funny. Hilarious spoof on how chauvinism and women's demand for equality. Eve asserts herself right with her preferenence to be called Sylvia. At least, Adam was smart enough to know what to do with his pee-pee. Love the line about gravity. And then Gloria Steinam's words of wisdom. Great insert of slang--crap and nooky. A belly-laugh, this one.


 Comment Written 17-Dec-2012



reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
    Thank you so much, Miss Spitfire. Are you sure you want to encourage the naughty side of me, lol. Big Hug, Lou
Comment by
EMB
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
LOL Girl, you're gonna rot in hell for this. I just know it. (That is, if certain Fanstorians don't claim your head first, complete with pitchforks and torches.) This was one of the most hilarious reads I've seen in a long time. Mel Brooks would love this, too.


 Comment Written 17-Dec-2012



reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
    Haha! Does that mean this isn't going to make 'All Time Best,' lol. Ouch - someone just poked me with a pitchfork via cyberspace. Big Hug, Lou
Comment by
Lee62
 
 
Good
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Very funny. A great example of mot being satisfied with what you have. Although the misogynist in me balked at Sylvia-Eve's newfound self assurance, I rally behind her choice to remain as she is. Why would she want to change for an ape who sleeps all day, scratches himself and ruts like a barnyard animal? Excellent writing skills and sardonic humor. Although women should realize that all men know they are pigs. We just don't care. Great story.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 17-Dec-2012



reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
    Thank you so much for your kind review. I'm glad you saw the humor.
Comment by
2014 Script Writer Of The Year
Rondeno
 
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This is a very knowing sexual satire. You have "done a Flintstones", deriving your comedy from anachronistic references. Very good.


 Comment Written 17-Dec-2012



reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
    Thank you so much for your kind review.
Comment by
Dan Diego
 
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How appropriate - Flash Fiction with Fig Leaves!

The strength in this humor is its use of exaggeration (Love Story, gravity, implant surgery, octaves lower, Gloria, and groceries). To plant these modern day references into the story of the beginning of man is pure whimsy. It works for me. I liked the glory to Gloria rebuff and the direction it took.

My first read was for entertainment purposes. At least six chuckles, the loudest for pushing the limit on adult themes.

For my second read, I look for editorial comments, but only in the interest of publication. Here goes:

First sentence, first paragraph: One could argue capitalization of Earth when used as a reference to our planet.

Third paragraph: The correct punctuation of a song title could be style dependent. I recommend you check with the publication before submitting for standards can vary. Using quotes is the correct punctuation, though.

Ninth paragraph. You wrote: "... why you made her breasts so small." I wondered if the punctuation at the end of the dialogue should be a question mark. Your call.

I would recommend you read aloud every sentence where you use the conjunction "and" to join phrases. I felt commas were unnecessary in some spots and useful in others. Reading it out loud always helps me better understand where I want the reader to pause.

I also would have put a comma after "So" in the third to last paragraph.

----------------

The goods outweigh the bads in this little story about the birth of women's lib.

You might consider a warning up front for the kiddies.


 Comment Written 17-Dec-2012



reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
    What a fabulous review, Dan. I'm so pleased you saw the humor. Your comments are excellent and I will re-read and re-work it. I've been known to suggest removal of commas to others, and the reader doesn't always see the piece as the writer and vice versa. I agree about the question mark. Many thanks, Lou
Comment by
2014 Story Writer Of The Year
humpwhistle
Level 9 Pro
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  105 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  2
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Review Stars
  Rank:  82
 

#2 Ranked Author
Excellent
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I always enjoy re-telling of this story. I always
learn something new. Adam was a tit man. I'd have never guessed. I also love that not a single apple appeared in your story. A grapefruit? Interesting. Gloria Steinham, not so interesting.

'a little suck and tug'--pure poetry.

I enjoyed.

Peace, Lee

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 17-Dec-2012



reply by the author on 18-Dec-2012
    Thank you so much for reading and enjoying. With a name like Humpwhistle, I imagine you must have a wicked sense of humor. Regards, Lou

reply by humpwhistle on 18-Dec-2012
    Actually, it was my parents how had the wicked sense of humor. Who names a kid Humpwhistle these days?

    Peace, Lee
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