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Reviews from
Doc (Part One of Two)


Born in Hell may be more than just a slogan...

  22 total reviews 
Comment by
Judy Couch
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This story is excellent, well written and entertaining. I like the way you describe things and people. For example: describing the stabbing as "surgery". I liked your statement about sticking your hand into a snake hole. There are a lot of other things I liked as well. There's only one thing I'd change. You said that the house "sat" on the property. I think it should be "set". You sit down but you set an object down. Great story.


 Comment Written 07-Mar-2013



reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
    Thank you so much, Judy. I appreciate your reviewing after reading as I also appreciate your kind words and pointing out the 'sat' versus 'set'. You're absolutely right about that.

    Again, thank you much

    greg
Comment by
elliejean
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I love the story. Evil fosters evil. Treat a person less than human, he will act like an animal. Those were tough times. Not just for blacks. The white people had to live with what they did to those black boys. Great work.


 Comment Written 06-Mar-2013



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
    Thanks, elliejean... I do appreciate your reading and reviewing and most especially you sharing your thoughts with me. I hear what you're saying and thank you for it.

    And I mean that...

    greg
Comment by
seewhatimwritingnow
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Really and truly enjoyed this. Went beyond my normal attention span, but it was held from beginning to end (only fell asleep only once, somewhere around Bettie's whorehouse) Rueben, a mean little devil- just as his daddy was, 'operates' on someone who dares insult his stature. What struck me, is that the law did nothing about it- but, not really...back in those days. Coming in on this, with the lynching was very dramatic. You told us about Rueben Sr. very descriptively. Sounds like he got a few good licks in before he was hung. Can't wait to see how 'Doc' turns out! What a GREAT movie THIS would make! Loved every word of this well-written chapter. Betty


 Comment Written 06-Mar-2013



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
    Hi Betty,

    A pleasant surprise to hear from you on Doc (one of my favorite characters along with his equally deadly son, Rayon). I've been inside their heads for a few years and I have stories and a book length on both of them.

    I'm happy you found some interest here and I'm appreciative that you hung in there with him...

    Always happy when I see your name

    greg

reply by seewhatimwritingnow on 06-Mar-2013
    I saw nothing about a 'Rayon'? Only Marcus and Rueben? Oh, wanted to say that 'Ava' their mother, reminded me of my Grandmother, Sallie, who also washed clothes on a board, for neighbors and sold eggs for a living. Being a widow- and deaf, since age two- she raised five children down in Kentucky. Betty

reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
    Sorry Betty,

    Doc Douglas has two sons (after he grows up) Rayon is a 'book-end' of Doc except he's 6'7" and the other son, DeeKay wants not to be mixed in the cold world of the Douglas clan but can't pull himself totally out of it.

    Your grandmother, Sallie sounds much like my grannies, all tough women who did what they had to...

    greg
Comment by
Child of the King
 
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Excellent
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So nice to meet you. Enjoyed this write very much and I look forward to reading more. Will it become a book in the future? Kudos for a great story


 Comment Written 06-Mar-2013



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
    Let me just say... so nice to meet you too. I certainly appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts with me. I am, in fact, going to incorporate this piece, along with others, into a book (some of which I've already posted). In the meantime I truly do thank you for your time spent reading and letting me know how you found it.

    greg
Comment by
wordsfromsue
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  579
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
My word, you surely know how to write a riveting tale, G. The kid sounds terrifying, yet someone you'd definitely want in your corner if trouble came looking for you.
The whole cast of characters is captivating... some in an icky way (Tater) and some loathesome (Pig Guy) (hate insulting pigs like that).... I love that the boys are so devoted to their mama. Smart boys.


 Comment Written 10-Feb-2013



reply by the author on 11-Feb-2013
    Hello Sue, thank you for sharing your impressions and thoughts. Love it when I can hear how you (others) see these characters and situations. And it is true that a guard dog is viewed differently depending on which side of the fence you happen to be on...

    It does make things more complex and 'real' that both these boys love their mama... likely the only thing they share

    later, Sue

    greg
Comment by
stockoption
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A powerful, moving profile. How enjoyable, watching/reading how a powerful character gradually comes into existence.
It's graceful writing and I have only nitpick suggestions.
In the opening scene it bothered me a bit that the man "... was choked to death." The "was" seemed to conjure up someone's hands wrapped around his throat. Or maybe it's just me.
And, the first sentence in the second part caused me to stumble a little.
"The young black man left behind a wife, sixteen-year-old ...
I'm off to read part 2 now.


 Comment Written 10-Feb-2013



reply by the author on 11-Feb-2013
    Thanks, my friend for giving time to read and share your thoughts with me. I appreciate your take on this and I just as much, appreciate you bringing up the 'stumbles' you encountered. Having re-read a couple of times I agree with the problem with, 'was choked to death' and see the effect of the awkwardness of the second sentence you named.

    You've got my attention with your words

    greg
Comment by
mtnspirit
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi Greg,

Interesting story. I was captivated throughout. You have a fabulous way of describing your characters and I can tell Doc is special to you. And you did a great job of describing NC in those days. My dad was born in 26 and I have a wealth of stories from him and my granddad during these times. Can't wait to read the next post and by the way I love the adorable picture! I would have loved to be able to give you the 6 stars for this but I used the last one I had on your last post. You are an awesome writer.


 Comment Written 08-Feb-2013



reply by the author on 11-Feb-2013
    Dear One, I appreciate your read on this first chapter and thank you for sharing with me. We do have some things in common. My daddy was born in '26 outside of Greensville, NC. I still have relatives there, in Whitesville and in Rocky Mount...

    Thank you so much for your kind words and great thoughts...

    greg
Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  10
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  108
 

#10 Ranked Author
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Love the idea that the boy may be the father reincarnated. Was it hard for you to write the scene about the hanging?
Hard because it's a terrible part of your cultural heritage?
You have a gift for decribing your characters. The focus on Reuben's eyes is spot on. I once talked to a handsome twelve year old Mexican boy whose eyes were cold as ice!
Four top-notch vignettes here. It made for a long read, but your prose is so elegant, I couldn't stop reading. One thing did jar me a tad. Ih the opening you say the black man was slowly choked to death.
It sounded like a human was killing him, not the rope.
I would leave out "was" or rephrase it.
Excellent characterization. Wish I could give you a six.


 Comment Written 07-Feb-2013



reply by the author on 08-Feb-2013
    Good morning, Shari... Doc's shadowed past is pure No'th Carolina superstition mixed with religiosity...

    The lynching scene was as hard as they come... I spent a week writing it in my head... two days convincing myself I wouldn't write it and the instant my fingers hit the keyboard it sprang up... some things in my cranium refuse to be denied.

    Thanks, Shari, for helping me with this... for pulling my coat to the stumbling sentence (changes on this being part of my weekend assignment) and for your continued support in my writing (which I value so much... as much, almost, as I value you!)

    Your appreciative friend

    greg

reply by Spitfire on 08-Feb-2013
    You're a sweetie. Forgot to comment on your picture. What a cutie!

reply by the author on 08-Feb-2013
    If only... *sigh*
Comment by
2019 Short Works Writer of the Year
Ideasaregems-Dawn
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  47
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  24
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  27
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  175
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This story is as moving as anything I've ever read. I am, perhaps, too easily moved, but in this case, I know what I'm talking about, and I don't care who thinks that's an arrogant attitude.

Every one of us has different tastes in varying degrees, so some may not find the same appeal in a story as others would, but most of us can recognize great writing when we see it.

This is great writing, my friend. I only dream to be able to relate a story as well.

"There was neither fear nor anger..."
Only someone who has known someone like that or who's been in a similar situation can appreciate the depth of the writing here, Greg. And yet, what surrounds this statement enlightens the uninformed.

"I'ma pay it."
Again, unless and until you meet an 'old soul', so much of what goes into these words goes unnoticed.
Yet again, you make it understood with the brilliant descriptions and dialogue surrounding it.

The edits: 1) horse-hair rope (not 'haired')
2)"The young black man left behind..." << I found this a bit confusing; suggest, perhaps something like >> "The young black man left behind a wife, Ava, sixteen years old and six months pregnant, and a son, Rueben Jr.; two. (No doubt, you'll find an even better way to say it.)

I could go on and on, singling out one after another of brilliant descriptions and dialogue, pacing and narrative, but I think you understand just how much I love this story; I'll be waiting for part two, part three, part four until this is Shipman's novel, completed and ready to be published.

(I'm again, entirely chagrined that I haven't the ability to assign the six it so richly deserves!)


 Comment Written 07-Feb-2013



reply by the author on 07-Feb-2013
    My dear Dawn,

    How can I do anything but thank you multiple times for you being you and reviewing me with your special touch...

    I'm a big, big fan of Doc. I know he's got some serious societal flaws but the man is a man and never apologizes for that. He's sensitive about his height. There's an attraction to violence, danger and challenges... and there is that thing about him and being a one of a kind. I suspect, Dawn, you have some knowledge of a Reuben 'Doc' Douglas... you write of him way too well...

    I truly thank you for the edits and always... I thank you for the encouragement...

    I hope part two keeps your attention

    greg

    thanks for everything

reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 07-Feb-2013
    Reubon 'Doc" Douglas is a man to be respected - he never backs down, doesn't know the word fear, and has a special kind of honor that's rare. He's a hard man, with a tenderness for one person, and she will always be the one he'll love till his dying breath.
    That's who I think he is, and I think anyone with any sense should be wary of him.
    I also think there's a lot of Doc in someone very dear to me - so yes, I have a knowledge of him, at least I believe I do...
    Part two can't come soon enough for me; I know it will hold my attention, Greg.
    You're very welcome.
Comment by
cvcopac
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Greg, you got my full attention here. What a history lesson and more so what a strong character. Doc, (I see now how he got the nickname) is born a fully developed character; you only introduce us to him, he does the rest. The history of his father is immeasurable. You demonstrated to me the seriousness of his story by omitting much of your trademark humor from this episode. He was alive before in your stories; now he is vital--absolute. We all know someone, somewhat, like this man; I think you know him personally. Waiting on the continuation. Kenny


 Comment Written 07-Feb-2013



reply by the author on 07-Feb-2013
    Friend Kenny,

    Thanks much for your read and... a great review. Great because the amount of feedback you squeezed in was exceptional.

    Doc is one of my favorite characters and there is a shadow world out there that may have a living breathing sorta him... but... here on paper he is his own man.

    Believe me, bro... your review has given me a lot of feedback that is so useful in furthering the cause.

    My appreciation... and concluding two coming in hours.

    greg

reply by cvcopac on 08-Feb-2013
    I don't know how much help I am, not knowing much about writing prose, but I enjoy your story telling, stories, your delivery and sense of humor. This introduction gives your character, Doc, depth and I was intrigued by the levity of the episode. Good writing

reply by the author on 08-Feb-2013
    Kenny,

    we ain't getting blushy-mushy but you are one of my biggies on this site... I value your words
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