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Not so hot.


The search for caffeine Eden.

  20 total reviews 
Comment by
2009-2014 Poet Of The Year
adewpearl
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love the simile of the pissed off hornets LOL
a venti non fat latte - I love how it's all a matter of perspective - to you, that simple order is not pretentious like longer, more complicated orders and to me it still sounds bizarre compared to "cup of coffee." LOL
yea sure - yeah
High School - high school
Here ya go, sir - add comma for direct address
I like the self-deprecating humor in your closing :-) Brooke


 Comment Written 13-Apr-2013


reply by the author on 14-Apr-2013
    I wondered when you would stop by. Thank you so much. I am a work in progress, trying different things. Your feedback helps me a ton.
Comment by
Carole Rosa
 
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Jaydub, Well....I must say that this is a lot of fuss about a cup of coffee! However, your story is well written and interesting. I appreciate that coffee is an important part of your life. Smile! Nice job. Carole


 Comment Written 10-Apr-2013


reply by the author on 11-Apr-2013
    Thank you for reading and your review. I really appreciate it.
Comment by
emjaihammond
 
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This is a cute story. Your writing is very well done, smooth and creamy, not at all tempad, tepid, well lukewarm. It's told in an interesting fashion interesting from beginning to end, and easily relatable. I enjoyed it very much.


 Comment Written 09-Apr-2013


reply by the author on 09-Apr-2013
    Thank you for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it. Check out some of my other work if you like the style....
Comment by
Sanku
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You are willing to reconsider and give 'tempad 'her due.that itself says a lot about you.people around us are different and it takes only a little bit of tolerance for us to learn to like each other .it is a good write ,very neede for our times .i hope more people read it.and i love reading about such apparently small incidents .they are slices of life.thank you for sharing.


 Comment Written 08-Apr-2013


reply by the author on 09-Apr-2013
    Thank you so much for the great review!
Comment by
Jacq77
 
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This was great! You took a simple subject like buying a cup of coffee and turned it into a very enjoyable read. I especially loved the second paragraph where you describe so well the 'claptrap' one has to put up with when buying a simple cup of coffee. Very humorous. This well-written post held my interest throughout and when your 'tempad' coffee finally arrived I could actually smell it. Superb.


 Comment Written 08-Apr-2013


reply by the author on 09-Apr-2013
    Thank you so much for your review. Much appreciated.
Comment by
janalma
 
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This is funny, and I know what you mean. I just might have to write a story about my experience at White Castle. Similar. Your story's inspired me. Lol. Well written and coherent. Enjoyed your mini-rant about pretentiousness. I agree.

You might consider this. Merely a suggestion, of course.

Make the first paragraph into more than one. A little daunting to read such a long one.

Man, she was good and by all accounts really knew her craft. By all examinations it was the perfect cup of coffee.
Would it sound better if you dropped "...by all examinations..." as it is repetitive.

Fun, lighthearted write. (But I like my coffee blazing hot.) Lol.


 Comment Written 07-Apr-2013


reply by the author on 09-Apr-2013
    Thank you for your suggestions, much appreciated. Thanks
Comment by
Vinita12
 
 
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This is a good descriptive piece with nice elements in it, like the "Caffeine Eden" description (that could be a coffee shop name, you know) and the way the character complains, then morphs into an impatient customer. Nice job.


 Comment Written 07-Apr-2013


reply by the author on 09-Apr-2013
    Thank you for taking the time to read my piece!
Comment by
2019 Short Works Writer of the Year
Ideasaregems-Dawn
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LOL - this is a well-crafted, amusing story that begs a repeat: same humor, different scenario. I especially liked your description of how you felt when served your latte, in contrast to when your order was taken.


 Comment Written 07-Apr-2013


reply by the author on 09-Apr-2013
    Thank you!
Comment by
2014 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Evelyn Fort Stewart
 
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This is really a very good piece with much food for thought. Sometimes we miss judge and get ourselves all in a twit when not necessary. Good piece. God loves you and so do I.


 Comment Written 07-Apr-2013


reply by the author on 09-Apr-2013
    Thank you! Very sweet.
Comment by
sweetwoodjax
 
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this is very well written, jaydub, you did an excellent job writing this story about the way you like your coffee and the aggravation you felt when the woman mispronounced tepid. i enjoyed reading it. do you know scientists have proven a connection between coffee and the inner ear? that's why you can't talk to some people before they've had their first cup of coffee.


 Comment Written 07-Apr-2013


reply by the author on 09-Apr-2013
    Thanks for the great review and for taking the time to read my post.
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