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When Fire Works Above

Myriad of colors up in the dark sky

4 total reviews

Comment by

country ranch writer

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Rank: 142

Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. THE FIRE WORKS DISPLAYS ARE ALWAYS A BEAUTY TO WATCH AND ARE FANTASTIC IF YOU CAN FIND A SPOT ON THE BEACH AWAY FROM EVERYONE AND IT IS LIKE YOU ALONE WITH THE WORLD IN A CONCERT

Comment Written 29-Jul-2013

reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013

Thank you for the review, Country Ranch Writer.

God bless.

reply by country ranch writer on 01-Aug-2013

welcome

Comment by

mbpapillon

Excellent

I like this poem! I love the images!
I would leave out the word when.according to
Syllable check fire comes up as two syllables.fire works above
Says it all.very good work! Keep it up!

Comment Written 28-Jul-2013

reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013

Thank you for the review and the notice about syllabication.

Thank you and God bless.

Comment by

stargirl27

Good

I think that the poem is good. I mean, it's really tough to review this type of poetry as its structure is very strict and limiting which, I suppose, makes the challenge of creating something amazing and insightful all the more difficult for the poet to accomplish. I like the first line the best ("When fire works above") as I thought that it was a clever play-on-words in regards to your inspiration; and I think that one way to improve the work would be if you were a little more descriptive in terms of relaying the emotional impact of the subject (maybe use more imagery through poetic devices such as metaphors and similes in order to provide another layer of depth to the piece). I would also suggest that you change the font colour as it's really hard to read the actual poem as it is right now. Anyways, good luck in the contest! :)

Comment Written 28-Jul-2013

reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013

Thank you for the enlightening review, StarGirl27.

Thank you and God bless.

Comment by

in777wr#

Review Stars

Excellent

The poem flows well. Your message is complete. We have fire works every year here at Fort Stewart, and yes, it's hard to get on post to see them. I enjoyed reading this. Keep on writing.

Comment Written 28-Jul-2013

reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013

Thank you for the review, In77wr#.

Thank you.

God bless.

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