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Reviews from
My Almost Cashmere Life


Baby Boomer trapped between tradition, liberation

  26 total reviews 
Comment by
Teresa Alford
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  359 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  236 (+1)
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  86
Review Stars
 
 
Average
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 2 -
Whenever a Door Shuts.
As a former adoption specialist, I appreciate your story. It is a good story. I do have a few suggestions for you. Your storyline reads "my anxiety flared like an actress before the curtain rises on opening night." Perhaps adding the word nerves after the word actress, as your anxiety didn't flare like the actress but they did flare like the actress's nerves, which fits well with the word anxiety. Make sense?
As writers we sometimes want to use words not commonly spoken, but that can be distracting to the reader. You might consider more common words. One such example, use quietly, to say, "Quietly we entered the room, in an attempt to go unnoticed" in place of furtively.
Consider using the word "awaiting" less frequently.
Tests and theories abounded as my medical records mounted taller and taller. Abounded doesn't feel right in this space. Mounted is not used properly here. One would mount a horse but not mount medical records. Vigilant in the sentence, "we're very vigilant about who we accept into our program." Doesn't seem like a good fit here. Perhaps go back and re-read the story and try substituting more common words for those you've used that are less common. Use words that are more "ubiquitous." ­???

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 29-Dec-2018



reply by the author on 29-Dec-2018
    Thank you. I really appreciate all your honest editing suggestions and I agree. Will change. I even think I should take out the actress metaphor, not necessary.

reply by the author on 29-Dec-2018
    I hope you will keep reading my chapters and will keep being tough on me...I have a very unique story to tell. Thank you.
Comment by
Sasha
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
Sasha
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  5
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  85
 

#5 Ranked Author
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 1 -
The Deal
Great work with this. I don't know if it is necessary to change the title (it is such a good one). You can double check with Tom. But I do know that changing the chapter even a little bit is what you need to do. You can, if you want, change the title and at the top tell the reader the real title. You did a great job with this and starting in the middle works well too.


 Comment Written 11-Dec-2018



reply by the author on 12-Dec-2018
    Thanks...I want to re-post these chapters, but Tom said if I have already done that which on some I have, I can't promote them with Treasure Chest revive, but I guess I can just put them in without putting a treasure chest on them, but then nobody gets notice...I really wanted to reconnect through my memoir and get new and old FS input.???!!!

reply by Sasha on 12-Dec-2018
    Can't you use the traditional first option to post your chapters? You could also post a notice that you are back and have book you hope everyone reads. This should get their attention and they might go and look at it, fan you and you can regain you popularity. Just explain what you are doing and why.
Comment by
Sugarray77
Melissa
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  5
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  13
 

#5 Ranked Poet
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 1 -
The Deal
Your story is very poignant and heartfelt. It resonates strongly through this write. You have crafted a well written narrative that flows well and keeps the interest of the reader. Good job.



 Comment Written 09-Dec-2018



reply by the author on 10-Dec-2018
    Thanks so much...truth is stranger than fiction....
Comment by
meeshu
Premier Author
1st post 03/24/18
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  22
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  142
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 1 -
The Deal
This is an enjoyable read, even with its almost surreal story.. Your writing is smooth and the language is colorful. Very well penned, Maggie. I am quite sure I haven't heard another like it..................meeshu


 Comment Written 09-Dec-2018



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
    Real-life is stranger than fiction...trust me that I am not embellishing...thanks for the review.
Comment by
plinny
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 41 -
Epilogue--No Stone Unturned
I want to compliment you on a very well written and heartfelt story. I look forward to reading your book. Your writing is tender and honest and I appreciate that so much in a writer. I hope your publishing goes well and your book is a great success. I am new here to FanStory and look forward to reading more of your work.
Good luck.


 Comment Written 07-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 07-Feb-2017
    Thanks and welcome to Fan Story. I have never met my reviewers but I count them as intimate friends. The connection and the shared humanity of worldwide writers makes Fan Story a unique site.
Comment by
mermaids
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  344
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  402
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 38 -
A Dog, Lemonade & Cotton Candy
The dog I grew up with, Tippy died at age twelve. I was thinking of him as I read your story. You show in your words how much Spanky was a part of your life. I am sure your little dog felt the loss as well. Excellent writing and flow of story that holds the reader's interest.


 Comment Written 02-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017
    Dog stories connect because we all have loss and memories that we can share. Thanks.
Comment by
Thal1959
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 39 -
Sunrise, Sunset
An excellent bit of writing. A few miniscule, potential complaints about a usage of punctuation here or there - but too miniscule and subject to personal opinion to voice. Unlike some other writers who resort to often to clich├©s, you have employed a better use of clever and thoughtful lines like. " my summer-heated car, a chill crept through me..." Heated and chill.

"Like a Russian-nesting doll, the many chapters of my life were encapsulated..." It is original expressions like these that both entertain the reader and keep them interested at the same time. An excellent work.


 Comment Written 01-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
    Wow, thank you. I really appreciate the stars, but more importantly, I like the connection.

reply by Thal1959 on 01-Feb-2017
    You are very welcome, it was my pleasure.
Comment by
Dolly'sPoems
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  1
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  1
 

#1 Ranked Poet!

#1 Ranked Reviewer!
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 38 -
A Dog, Lemonade & Cotton Candy
A beautifully written account of your dogs happy life with your family and the sad ending of it. Our pets are part of our family and we take them on, we never think of the happiness ending do we. I had a cat for 17 years and when my husband of 31 years marriage, died, our cat died a week later, it was as if he had a broken heart. I loved your story and you make every sentence a joy to read Maggie, love Dolly x


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
    Thanks so very much for the stars, but most importantly for connecting through our pet stories. Sounds like you had a very rough year...I also had one this year when I had to put Verdel, the Shi Tzu and Tom the cat down...Life goes on, but, oh, such sadness.
Comment by
Mabaker
Premier Author
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  55
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  255
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 38 -
A Dog, Lemonade & Cotton Candy
Oh damn , damn damn. Why do they leave such pawprints on our hearts? They give us everything a loyal friend can and more. Sometimes the elderly don't hear from family for weeks, but their loyal friend lays right beside their chair or theoir bed giving un conditional love whitout being asked. I cried reading this . Sincerely Anne.


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
    Exactly...such unconditional love. I cry everytime I read my story...the memories are so present. Thanks so much for the stars, but more importantly, for connecting.
Comment by
Sherman541
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 38 -
A Dog, Lemonade & Cotton Candy
I so know how this story started and ended - Mickey was our Spanky and she was 16 when we took her for the long walk - it was so hard and we cried like babies each time we put any of our dogs down. We kept praying that they would just fall asleep peacefully and we would find them and then tend to them - but that never happened. Angel died of liver disease age 9 - her sister, Sheba age 14, cancer, Mickey was their Mother and Saber the Father he was pure bred Rott and he died at age 10 - Great Job - I wrote about each of out Dogs too - Sarah


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
    Don't we connect through our pet stories...such unconditional love. Thanks so much for the stars but most importantly thanks for sharing your dog stories.
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