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Reviews from
The Santa-Man
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An elevator story--but not for the contest.
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37 total reviews
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What I loved the most about this story is the character of the boy! I have two boys, they're 12 - and there are no dull edges on either of them. Particularly my son, Max. He's a whip, a wit and a wild card, fortunately, he's not a delinquent.
The dialogue between the man and the boy is fantastic. Not sure why but I kept imagining the man looked a bit like Jimmy Stewart. You created a magical exchange, perhaps a life-changing one for the boy. This story could have gone several ways, Lee, I'm so glad you took it down the "nice" path!
I don't care what anybody says, beautiful things happen at Christmastime.
Patti
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Comment Written 10-Dec-2013 |
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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
Thank you, Patti. Some people think my boy character is too bright. But they are the same folks who think Tom Sawyer should have whitewashed Aunt Polly's fence by himself. Kids should not be underestimated. As for the nice path, I am so tired of FS stories about rapers, molesters, bloodsuckers, and suicides that I could scream.
Jimmy Stewart is an inspired choice. I'd have written in a few ers, and uhs, if I'd have thought of it.
Thanks again, Patti.
Peace, Lee
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Comment by | | I dreamed a thousand new paths | | | I woke and walked my old one | | | Poet Rating
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Rank: 497 | | | |
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I've never been in or around high rises and elevators much so it was an urban trapping? What great dialogue between them. Reminded me of what my daughter would say, she's a smart ass, when I call her out on it she says I wonder where I get it mom. Love the text style abbreviations ETR, NTN. I got one from Taylor like tis <3 and I asked what's that mean? Its a heart! Duh! I knew that.
I've always wondered how kids who are raised in high rises are and now I know, I love his city smarts, know it all attitude and that Santa figured him out. And now we know he won't be getting away with that anymore because Santa has his #. Love the ending and the bonding going on in this Lee its a super Christmas story. I have to go look up some of those words because I was thinking, what's that mean? I imagine the doorman Julio knows the boy better than anyone.
I'm always shocked how you pull me into your stories, leaving me wanting more. Super, sotm ND (no doubt)
And btw I see you do have the Christmas spirit so don't try and fool me.
Vicki
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Comment Written 10-Dec-2013 |
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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
Thank you, Vicki. All the best characters are either smart-asses or dumb-asses. I challenge anyone to write an interesting story about average, dull characters.
Yeah, I liked faking my way through 'text' too. And Julio? The guy is unseen, and unheard from, but Julio is a real character who has a real presence in the story.
Glad you enjoyed. I'm glad I posted--know what I mean?
Peace, Lee
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What are 'skeletal Tinker Toys'?
If this happened to me, I would turn into a screaming lump of nauseated panic.
Actually, I adore the idea of this story and what you've done with it. The dialogue is brilliant - especially the kid. I've met kids like that - they're like little adults - dead intelligent, ill-spoken wee geniuses. I found it interesting that we never learned his name.
Great twist at the end.
Just another of your wonderful stories - always a real pleasure, James.
Av
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Comment Written 09-Dec-2013 |
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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
Hey, Av, and thank you! Tinker toys were kind of the forerunner to Legos. They were an assortment of wooden dowels and perforated discs used for building things. I imagined my 'Santa' character seeing his skeleton as a Tinker Toy construction. Too much?
Some folks tell me my kid is too smart. What? How'm I gonna write an interesting story around an average kid? Now I downright stupid kid, well, that's another story.
Thank you again, Av. I really appreciate all the stars and cross.
Peace, Lee
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reply by Cumbrianlass on 11-Dec-2013
No. Not too much. Appropriate for the Christmas aspect of the story, more like. I think a lot of kids tend to be smarter than some adults give them credit for.
Or some parents. ;)
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Author Rating For Short Works
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I think the phone conversation worked well... I'm not sure of what the "correct" way of doing that kind of dialogue is, but it was understandable and not confusing at all. Works for me!
I thought you might want to check this out:
Estimated Time of Resue, numbnuts. (rescue?)
I very much enjoyed the story and the dialogue between your two characters. I was a little surprised at the boy's character... I have a 12 year old and the boy in the story sounded a lot older and more "worldly", but then the boy in the story also sounded a lot more "street smart", so it worked.
The ending was a surprise and I love the fact that I didn't see it coming. It's always so easy to get a picture of the characters when I read your stories. Awesome job! Merry Christmas, Lee!
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Comment Written 09-Dec-2013 |
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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2013
Thank you, Bunny. Yes, I changed 'rescue', thanks. My stories are usually a little fanciful, so my characters tend to be a colorful. Who would remember Tom Sawyer is he wasn't smart enough to get the other kids to whitewash the fence?
I'm so glad you enjoyed. And Merry Christmas to you, too.
Peace, Lee
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Poet Rating
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Rank: 648 | | | |
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