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Reviews from
The Santa-Man


An elevator story--but not for the contest.

  37 total reviews 
Comment by
lancellot
Level 1 Pro
The goal in life is to be better today
than you were yesterday.
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  67 (+3)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  15
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  21
Script Rating
  Rank:  1
Review Stars
  Rank:  25
 

#1 Ranked Script Writer!
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Very interesting conversation between a disrespectful youth and the older generation. The boy was very bright and knowledgeable for his age. It is a solid tale was an even better message. Well done.


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2013



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
    Thank you, lancellot. I get your point about the kid being knowledgeable for his age--I have a penchant for writing unusual characters. I wonder if Tom Sawyer would have been so interesting if he'd whitewashed Aunt Polly's fence all by himself? Thanks for the careful read, and the astute comments. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Cookie333
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
VERY well done my friend, I thought the dialogue was just right, and this was so naturally written. I applaud your style and the voice(s) you used. Say hello to the jolly fat man for me please,
thank you
karen


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2013



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
    Thank you so much, karen. I'm delighted you enjoyed. And while I'm a fat jolly man myself, I'll pass your greeting along.
    Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
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  Rank:  314
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
What a delightful story. Brimfull of your clever metaphors and unending sense of humor. You made clear the boy's intellect when he knew what "matriculate" meant. Love the perv theme and the turn-around ending. Again, you prove how awesome your writing skills are. Even Ouija agrees. :-)


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2013



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
    Thank you, Shari. I was hoping the teacher in you might get a kick out of this. I'm not sure I know what matriculate means. I picked up the word from a black & white movie. So glad you enjoyed. I'm starting to believe in this Ouija thing ...

    Peace, Lee
Comment by
Green Lake Girl
 
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Love the different Santa stories this time of year. This is a cute story. When generations collide. The first paragraph is my favorite: "Jaw-jarring, knee- buckling." Great imagery.


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2013



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
    Thank you, Green Lake Girl. I like those opening lines, too.
    So glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
RodG
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  84
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  82
 
Excellent
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What a delightful story with two very believable characters. You do a superb job of characterizing each through dialog and their actions. It's fun to see the boy slowly accept the "perv"as a friend. You also do a fine job of social commenting on the housing, the way elevators are "fixed" and how schools handle " disruptive"kids.


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2013



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
    Thank you, RodG. I really appreciate that you read so carefully. Noting the little side issues. Much appreciated. Peace, Lee
Comment by
2020 Novelist of the Year
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  41
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Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  3
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  16
 

#3 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
That was so sweet, Lee. What a lovely ending, you can certainly get to grips with whatever character you want to be. I really enjoyed this, I was surprised to find out he was actually the Muckiest Dean. LOL, why on earth didn't you enter this story into the Elevator contest? Another winner in my book! xsx sandra


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2013



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
    Thank you, sandra. The truth is, when I write something I really like, I'm loathe to post it blind in hopes of winning $20 in funny money. Lord, I'm soooooo vain! I'm delighted you enjoyed, sandra. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Ric Myworld
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  57
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
When I opened your story, saw SimiSarah's highrise, and read the first line that mentioned the seventeenth floor, I had to look again to make sure I wasn't reading my two part "The Recommendations" that I have posted. Then, I read a few more lines and realized that the writing was far superior to mine, and closer to the craftsman I hope to become. This is a Great little story. Your skills and quick wit accent each other and separate you from the flock. Thanks for the enjoyable read.


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2013



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
    Oh, Ric, I'm sorry I ripped off your highrise photo. I should have recognized it! Actually, I had hoped to find a shot of one of those elevator panels where you push the button of the floor you want. Alas, FanArt had nothing of the kind.
    Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the story. And I'm deeply grateful for your kind comments. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Sasha
 
Review Stars
  
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This was great. Love the hysterical dialogue between the boy and Santa. Very clever and as far as how to punctuate the phone conversation...DHTD (Don't have the damnedest).


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2013



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
    Thank you, Sasha. I'm delighted you enjoyed. As for the phone conversation, noboy has gigged me yet, so I guess I handled it all right. Again, thanks. Peace, Lee
Comment by
TheWriteTeach
Fanstory
Recognized Writer
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Lee,

This was a great Christmas story. Dean Salas was truly Santa Claus for the young man in the elevator. By the time the elevator started moving again, he managed to remove some of the chip from the teenager's shoulder, and he also gave the young man a second chance at life. Salas didn't write him off as a loser and guaranteed his enrollment at school, rather than letting him be tossed out. What a nice Christmas present for both the boy and his mother.

You did a fine job with this piece, Lee. It was interesting and kept me reading to the end. Your dialogue was very believable. I work with teenagers every day, and can say with certainty that you definitely captured the teenage dialect, and attitude, in your character's conversation with Santa. You asked for help/suggestions with the one-sided telephone conversation. I have no clue as to the existence of a definitive formula, but I think the way you wrote it worked very well.

I didn't notice anything that needed attention or a quick fix. Overall, excellent job.

Suzanne


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2013



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
    Thank you, Suzanne. Thanks for citing the dialogue--this is an area I like to work in. I'm delighted you found it believable, and enjoyable. Peace, Lee
Comment by
N.K. Wagner
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  523
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Two of a kind test each other's mettle while trapped in an elevator. The pervert accusation is a great conflict and evens the playing field between generations. I admit to losing it at "Santa Paws". Clever, articulate, and so very funny. I predict a SotM win is in Santa's bag for this one, Lee. Outstanding! :D Nancy


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2013



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
    Thank you, Nancy. You get it. Two dogs circling each other. The pup uses 'perv' to his advantage. The older dog takes his time to size up his opponent. Just another day at the dog park.
    I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
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