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Reviews from
A Dual (Beginning) At Dawn


The dawn of day...and love.

  40 total reviews 
Comment by
CrystieCookie999
 
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Excellent imagery. I like three lines especially:
Till shrill alarms from skimming birds
Its tangerine eruption citrus-bright,
Through clouds?as stripped as shredded wool?

Don't think Hallmark gets this kind of imagery in their cards, ha ha.


 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, Chrystie! :)
Comment by
Tatarka2
 
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Yes, you certainly did. I thought the poem was lyrical and lovely, as so many of yours are. The rhyming fit well with the lyrical nature of the poem, and your descriptive ability is powerful.


 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Thank you very much, Tatarka! :)
Comment by
2018 Poet of the Year
Gloria ....
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2014 - #365 Poet of the Year
2014 - #56 Author of the Year
 
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  Rank:  95
 
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This work has reached the exceptional level

Well, David, I'm more than a little disappointed in you. I trotted all the way over here thinking it was going to be a duel at sunrise but, it turns out even better -- a love poem!! I can't imagine this would ever end up squashed between the paper covers of a Hallmark card.

I love everything about your write -- the rhythm and rhymes, the oblique and tastefully presented sexual references and the overall tone of warmth.

Exceptional write, my friend,

Gloria


 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    In that case, dear Gloria, I'm glad to have disappointed you, and I really appreciate the sixer. This one seems to have delighted some and disappointed some. It seems that this place may not be ready for a mixed meter poem. I'm glad I didn't introduce metrical substitutions yet, and there may be casualties. ;-)

    You're very nice, my friend, and I really appreciate it. David
Comment by
ronnie k
 
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YES, smile, as my grandma would say for a great pot of greens and neck bones, " Boy mama put her foot in that there pot" LOL Thank you it is indeed a very well written poem.


 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Thank you very much, Ronnie! I appreciate it!
Comment by
nancy_e_davis
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WEll I don't like to write fluff reviews so I must say I am disappointed. The romance is there and the imagery but I really don't like the mixed meter. I know you could write a perfect love poem, your notes say your heart was not in it.
That is just my opinion David and I hope you don't take offence.One suggestion.....
As it arose[disclosed] in full, (the day)
It's [A] tangerine eruption citrus-bright,
I think that works better because in the second stanza you mentioned the day not the sun. You mentioned the sun in the last stanza. Just an observation from a poet half your caliber. Nancy


 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Don't apologize for your honest feelings, Nancy. I appreciate all opinions, and just because I don't always agree doesn't mean I can't step back and take a second look.
    I appreciate your suggestions, too, and I do believe I'll adopt one of them, and find another way to say the other.

    I personally like mixed meter, a la Richard Wilbur, but I'm not sure this site is ready for something that doesn't march along at a metronomic and predictable rate. I'm not even sure I liked it when I first started, but as I learned and grew, I began to appreciate the effect of a mixed metered piece used to purpose.

    Anyway, please don't sell yourself short, my friend, and I do appreciate your honest appraisal and your suggestions. Never hesitate to do so, though I would take issue with the assumption that my heart wasn't in this, and I never said that. :-) David

reply by nancy_e_davis on 12-Feb-2014
    Whew. I was a little nervous about the review.
    Thanks David. Cheers. Nancy

reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Please don't be. I don't want to be "that poet" who expects to advise everybody about where their own work needs suggestions, and then expects everyone to lavish nothing but praise on mine. NOBODY is above the thoughts and suggestions of others, and even if I don't take suggestions, or have reasons why I disagree, I don't want to dissuade the valid opinions of another set of capable eyes. Thanks! :)

reply by nancy_e_davis on 12-Feb-2014
    Thank you, That is how I think too. I am here to learn and I have been learning since the day I joined.
Comment by
2019 Short Works Writer of the Year
Ideasaregems-Dawn
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  Rank:  194
 
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Awwww, this is so beautiful - talk about mood! You really shouldn't try to Rogue it up with your author's notes, you marshmellow. (LOL)

All kidding aside, David - it's incredibly gorgeous imagery you evoke, and simply romance as it should be...:) (My sixes are long gone, but of course, this deserves one!!! ...sigh.... now THAT's the way to start a day! LOL)


 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    I know, I should've left that part out of the notes, but the rogue popped up as he is wont to do. ;-) I really appreciate your kind words and praise, as this poem seems to not have been embraced as well as some others.
Comment by
padumachitta
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Hey you. Ah yes, the Hallmark holiday, me i am not fond of it...good job you made of it though...much better than my sorry attempts the please the mainstream idea of love...
I am looking forward to friday...for the rogue...


 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Thank you very much, pad. I'm looking forward to it, too, and I really appreciate your great review. The rogue is definitely planning on an appearance on Friday.
Comment by
kiwijenny
 
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This is the coolest love poem.....YOU ROGUE. You know true love is a meeting of the minds....and thanks for the author notes to keep it well....roguish... God bless. You are a very good writer..


 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, Jenny. I really appreciate that, my friend.
Comment by
bkbehera
 
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It is a lovely piece of work with the fabulous touch of romance and romantic beauty of dawn.It Is touchy and catchy.The Rhyme pattern is perfect and lucid.


 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Thank you very much for a great review!
Comment by
billscott
 
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Extremely interesting word choice and pattern here.

I find myself greeting "a dawn of change."

Interesting situations are emerging from nowhere lately...and then I read things of that nature.

Poems like yours just enriches the experience.

Thanks!


 Comment Written 12-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 12-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, bill, for your very kind words. I appreciate it very much.
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