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Reviews from
Me Chit's Overdue


A story/poem . . . or vice-versa. 368 words.

  41 total reviews 
Comment by
Donald O. Cassidy
Ranked Author
Stumbly Up One
 
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  Rank:  271
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  Rank:  175
 
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We're given a dose of Irish jargon in this poem, something different. While much of your vocabulary is unfamiliar with me, I think I get your message that those who live by vice eventually get caught and pay the price.

I also get a message that it's a battle of wits with the common gu ys dealing with crooks in high places.
Whatever our culture or vocabulary, we know commercial people pull fast ones and know all the tricks to get your money.


 Comment Written 20-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Thank you, stumbly. I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
DonandVicki
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  Rank:  58
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  Rank:  72
 
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Thank you for sharing this story, you have a good sense for character development and holding the readers attention all the way through . I enjoyed the structure of your poem story and the rhythm of it. D&V


 Comment Written 20-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Thank you, D&V. I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
country ranch writer
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WHEN YOU PLAY WITH CROOKS YOU WILL GET YOU COME UPPENS AS THEY SAY AND HANG BY THE NECK TILL YOUR FEET SWAY AND DROP TO THE GROUND INTO A PILE OF HAY


 Comment Written 19-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Thank you, crw. You've got that write. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee

reply by country ranch writer on 22-Feb-2014
    welcome
Comment by
boxergirl
 
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Good job, Lee, with the story telling and the rhyme scheme. I love the Irish theme and dialect which adds to the overall tone of your poem . It's a good one for sure! 8-)


 Comment Written 19-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    thank you, boxergirl. I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
2014 Novelist and 2016 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Phyllis Stewart
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  Rank:  170
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  Rank:  19
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 Rank:  30
 
Excellent
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A man off the paybooks has still got to eat,
and what won?t come honest . . . must come off the cheat.

Very true.. it's not that he wasn't willing to work. This explains why most young people turn to crime, I think. With no jobs out there, and low pay for what is there, you can hardly blame them. But still he feels his chit's due for it. "No debatin" either.

Good picture of a noble thief who blames others a bit but MOSTLY blames himself.


 Comment Written 19-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Thank you, Phyllis. I think you're right. The circumstances weren't of his making, but he made the decisions. And accepts that. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
LucidDreem
 
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Nice compact little story-poem. Rhythm is smooth, rhyme scheme simple and not too complicated. I appreciated the way you used language and brevity to your advantage, like "slid slick on thin ice". I wasn't quite sure what a "chit" was, but by the end of the poem i think it's safe to say the term "me chit's overdue" meant something in the way of "i've evaded death long enough". I actually wish there was more, i'd be interested in reading a poem in this voice about an Irish immigrant turning to crime. Well done.


 Comment Written 19-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Thank you, LucidDreem. Yes, the 'chit' is something owed. Ultimately, he owed his life. I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Cumbrianlass
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Very folksy, Lee. It would be great to music. The mood is perfect, with little touches of humour and a matter-of-factness that, I think, reflects the Irish approach to death.

Original. But then I wouldn't be surprised if that was your middle name.


Av



 Comment Written 19-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, Av. Yeah, all my rhymin' comes from my old folk music days. I couldn't write a sonnet if my manhood depended upon it. Lucky, since manly pissing contests rarely include writing sonnets in the snow.

    Actually, Original is not my middle name, but I'd love to use it for a character name--if you don't mind. Original Mann. What do you think?

    Thanks again, dear.

    Peace, Lee

reply by Cumbrianlass on 23-Feb-2014
    You don't need my permission - go for it! His brother could be Manfred. And his sister Ivana.


reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
    Actually, Manfred and his cross-dressing conjoined twin Iron (but known as Ivana), are collectively known as Manfred and Ivana Menn. Just thought I'd bring you up to date.

Comment by
darla1977
 
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Very strong use of rhyme in this piece! Which is what drew me to read it. I would've guessed you for a poet, you are so good at it! This kept me interested all the way through! Very well written ! Nice flow!


 Comment Written 19-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Thank you, darla. I do prefer prose, but this contest calls for a story, so ... I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
LadyCosgrove
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Absolutely had me roaring with laughter! ...and the 'jabbering' that infiltrated this fine piece was totally justified. Love the pace - Love the dialect - Love every word!


 Comment Written 19-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, Ladt C. It's so refreshing to find people on this site who read for pleasure instead of profit. I love your review. Much appreciated. Peace, Lee

reply by LadyCosgrove on 23-Feb-2014
    Always a pleasure :)
Comment by
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra S-Mitchell
WEST END
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  109
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  Rank:  4
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  Rank:  74
 

#4 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
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lOL, Lee, you could write a story on the back of a postage stamp and still tell a great tale! This is another wonderful 'Lee' story. BUT, you are up against me in this contest, sorry my friend, it is good though!! Good luck! xsx Sandra


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Thank you, Sandra. I never expect to win 'poetry' contests. So I concede to you already. Best of luck, my friend. Peace, Lee

reply by sandramitchell on 22-Feb-2014
    And to you! xxx
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