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Reviews from
Me Chit's Overdue


A story/poem . . . or vice-versa. 368 words.

  41 total reviews 
Comment by
strandregs
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  Rank:  318
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  Rank:  352
 
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It matter to me cause my chits full of glue.
Enjoyed reading . Ignoring the bits I thought didn't flow.
Cause a cowboys li'll finger don't grow any more.
Barmy I know.
Yes I'm an army of barmy.
There I go talking about myself again.
Awsome story telling. Same old story in new fancy dress..good luck..Z.


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Thank you, Z. I'm glad you enjoyed. I think. Peace, Lee
Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
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How delightful. I love the vernacular. Me chit's overdue- what a great phrase. Appears he cheated death and the law more than once. Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Thank you, shari. I've thought 'me chit's overdue' more than once. And it probably is. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
barkingdog
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  Rank:  358 (+2)
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  Rank:  507
 
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Fine rhyming quatrains, Lee. Your tempo is even and use of enjambment makes for a smooth read.

Great story, too.

Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Thank you, Ellen. I ain't much of a poet. But I did put apricot enjambment on me frog fritters this mornin'. Glad you enjoyed, Ellen. Peace, Lee
Comment by
kiwisteveh
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  Rank:  61
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  Rank:  160
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Nice historical flavour with the irish immigration and the Pinkertons etc,

Difficult to maintain this 'voice' throughout and to get the story across clearly - you left me wanting to know a little more of McDermot.

Could be your chit's overdue for a win in this category - and I haven't even started my entry yet!

Good luck.

Steve


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
    Aye, I was hopin' that if I got me entry out early, I might discourage a few rascally real poets, such as your nibs, from joinin' the fray. Ain't likely, is it?

    I know what you mean, Steve, about knowing more about McDermot, but it's hard to know when length is good, and when it's bad. Second-guessing the audience is fraught with peril.

    Anyway, thank you. And I look forward to your superior entry.

    Even I get to rhyme about twice a year.

    Peace, Lee
Comment by
Schalk Jacobs
 
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Not a bad write, lad. Be sure to be in the running with them here competition. Loved the flow of the poem and the story of Dermot and the rest of the boyos trying their luck in getting ahead in life. Good work, me son. Now you be excusing me. It is time for me Guinness down in the pub.


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
    Thank you, Schalk. Not bad, you be sayin'? Not bad? I don't think I'll writin' that one down in me diary, now. Kidding, friend. I'm glad you enjoyed, and I hope you enjoy yer pint.

    Peace, Lee
Comment by
bhogg
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Well, your foray into the dark side worked for me. An entertaining story in poetry form ... just what the contest called for. Well done Lee.

Bill


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
    Thank you, Bill. Sometimes I just need to purge my built-up rhymes. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Louise Michelle
 
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  Rank:  81
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  Rank:  76
 
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Hi Lee, Your colloquial style made this so much fun to read and I love the protagonist's matter-of-fact attitude about his impending death. Mystery and crime category? Too bad they don't have a category for fun romps. Hugs, Lou


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
    Thank you, Louise. And I agree the category selections are pretty lame. I usually post under General Fiction, but sometimes my sense of humor gets the best of me. I love the term romp, and I'm delighted enjoyed this one. Many thanks.

    Peace, Lee
Comment by
michaelcahill
Level 1 Pro
rumours and innuendos
rumours of innuendos
 
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  Rank:  188
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is a great story, I will give you that. But, this is clearly a poem in every good way a piece can be a poem. Perfect meter from beginning to end. Perfect end rhymes all the way through with none of them forced. There isn't a pause to figure anything out or trip over a phrase. This sounds awesome out loud. I don't even know what the meter is called, but it's perfect. A great lesson in writing too. I need to remember when writing prose if I wouldn't use a word in a poem like "really" then why would I use it in a story? Great entry. Very strong contender. mikey


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
    Thank you for this stellar review, Mikey. I'm glad you read it aloud. I know you're a musician, and I harkened back to me own old folkie troubador days for this ballad. Thank for the lovely comments, and I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
 
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You did it this time, hands down, tain't gonna be 'none' better that this. I must admit, I sang this one instead of reading it. Delightful, have a great week, good luck, Carolyn


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
    Thank you, Carolyn. I love that you sang it. Vestiges of my old folkie days. Peace, Lee
Comment by
w.j.debi
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  Rank:  110
 
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Engaging tale that is well told in your verse. A hard life with wrong choices that leads to a bitter end. Good rhymes and a solid rhythm that gives it the feel of an old time ballad of woe. Best of luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 17-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 18-Feb-2014
    Thank you, w.j. debi. I appreciate your encouraging comments, and I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
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