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Reviews from
On Tobacco Road


UNC vs. Duke

  18 total reviews 
Comment by
A Jesterstear
 
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Someones happy big M. This is a great poem but very American. I take it we are talking about basket ball here from the photograph. I am not too familiar with the culture of American sport. Rugby, rugby, rugby for me. I love the lines...
...to take a bull-sized swig, for profits sake,
Of my physique-enhancing protein shake...
Great write. AJ.


 Comment Written 23-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, my friend. I know rugby, but it's not popular here. But, I'm a big fan of Premier League Football, and I'm an Arsenal fan.

    I appreciate it, brother.

reply by A Jesterstear on 23-Feb-2014
    Arsenal!!! oh dear. Manchester City fan myself.
    I played rugby against a touring American side once... The Portland Pigs... they had formed the team out of former American football players. They whipped our asses. How embarrassing. AJ.
Comment by
2009-2014 Poet Of The Year
adewpearl
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Having gone to a girl's school, today called a women's college, I never got into this rivalry stuff, and then in grad school we went once to the Harvard/Yale football game known so arrogantly as "the game" just for the experience. Truth be told, the only thing I remember about it was that the irreverent band performance was fun. LOL
strong rhyming couplets
good consonance in paper propped against the stoop
excellent use of enjambment
I love the elegant way you describe picking up the paper LOL
great use of iambic meter
love the humor that the news of defeating Duke was enough to make the political news dim :-)
This one's worth my first six of the week :-) Brooke


 Comment Written 23-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
    Brooke, that's very kind of you! Thanks so much for your gift of the sixer on this one. I've heard the same about the Harvard-Yale game, just like Army-Navy. Anyway, as always, much appreciated! David
Comment by
Just2Write
 
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So interesting - I just had gone through the same ritual as you. I plucked my paper from the door stoop, removed the elastic and read the headlines. Here, it's all about the Olympics, but we have certainly had our share of stories with politicians with their noses in the troughs recently.

I like how you can take ordinary mundane steps of routine and turn them into fresh looks at our lives.

Great write on your team's triumph. You make me want to be a fan.
Rose.



 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, my friend, for your great review. I think it's commonplace to check for those things that help us forget the other.
Comment by
michaelcahill
Level 1 Pro
rumours and innuendos
rumours of innuendos
 
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This is extremely well written and I am trying to get a bead on how you manage to do this. It is so effective to pay attention to each line poetically while ignoring it as far as the story or content goes. It puts the focus completely on the content while the craft moves everything along perfectly though unnoticed. I must learn this. This is so true to life. We have the Lakers/Celtics here amongst other rivalries. It takes on a mythical importance that you have captured here. It actually does matter greatly. It is life altering. That is crazy, isn't it. mikey


 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    It's truly crazy, Mikey, and I was always a Lakers fan because of James Worthy, Sam Perkins, and of course, Mitch Kupchak, who was actually in Chapel Hill today for the UNC-Wake Forest game. Thanks so much for your uber-complimentary words, brother. You flatter me, my friend. I really appreciate it.
Comment by
robina1978
 
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I've never seen you write about sport before. First you accuse rightly so the politicians of being greedy. But then you read that DUKE WENT DOWN in a basketball game.


 Comment Written 22-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Yes, I'm a huge sports fan, and a former professional athlete. Thank you, Ine.
Comment by
Aiona
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#9 Ranked Script Writer
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What a fun poem about morning rituals. I can't say I like that technique...What's it called again? Where you continue your sentence into the next line? There's a word for that. I keep forgetting it. But 1. It rhymes. 2. The words convey a scene and a story. 3. It made me smile.


 Comment Written 21-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Enjambment is the technique. It's actually more effective when you hear it read, my friend, but honestly it's a necessary device to break away from the most basic of poetry. I don't used it in 14 and 16 syllable lines, but in pentameter and tetrameter, it's useful.

    Thank you!
Comment by
mountainwriter49
 
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Hi, David

I could say boo-hiss because Carolina won. I was pulling for Duke. ;-)

I enjoyed your light-hearted poem with fun pokes at the poly-tick-ians and all that jazz. Your signature meter and rhyme are spot on.

A good read to end my night as my last cup of Montepulciano empires too quickly.

Ray


 Comment Written 21-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    That's OK, Ray, we can't all be perfect. :) I went to the Irregardless yesterday and enjoyed a great lunch. Thanks so much, my friend, for your great review.
Comment by
closetpoetjester
Metronomaniacal
Tendancies
 
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Well I don't have a clue on any of this D, but I DO know about RIVALRY...LOL
Seriously though, we have something similar in Australia with our State of Origin Rugby. It's only ever been a two state comp and the rivalry is second to none...Obviously it's a much smaller scale than what you witness although if your in the thick of things you'd seriously doubt that at the time LOL...but I GET the drift. There's a whole lotta lurve and a mountain of passion involved right through from the fan, to the players, to the coaches etc...
I love the way you bring normal every day routines to the fore and front and make them just that little bit special. I was sitting on the next table and saw it all unfold... virtually of course.
Great iambics as always flawless and I'll take a bull sized sip from your gauzy poetic soup anytime.
Last stanza rounded the whole thing off nicely as your forgive the world it's sins because your precious UNC got up...bet that's not all that did! hahahaha
No six today...I'm in talks with Management. I'm prepared to flash a bit of leg, but that's it. LMAO I'll keep you posted.
Cheers P


 Comment Written 21-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    P, you'll be interested to know that I own a jersey for the West Coast Eagles, provided by a friend in Oz who is in my fitness group. I actually already had several Aussie friends before coming back here and meeting you all. Thanks so much for the great review. Wish you HAD been at the table next to mine. We could have used those tables for good use. ;-)

reply by closetpoetjester on 22-Feb-2014
    LMAO
    And here I was thinking this would be a clean response, until the tables.

    Tablecloths on? or off?

    PS you have the wrong jersey hun...you need St Kilda. GO THE SAINTS! F**k the west coast.

reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Well, if you mean to f**k the west coast, I guess I'm wearing the right jersey. :)

reply by closetpoetjester on 22-Feb-2014
    Guess so, slick. LOL

reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    :-)
Comment by
Alan K Pease
 
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It is fine to see the effect of politicians and stock reports reach their priorities relative to the defeat of your favourite basketball team. The stocks are up and this is always good news and what can you do about the politicians is probably nil. Protein shakes are good, I hope, but how good is each brand, In Nova Scotia your basketball teams wins are trivial. We have other priorities like the Olympics in which Canada is doing well. This long review is also trivial which may mean that is why you wrote your poem to see what you might get.


 Comment Written 21-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
    Thank you, Alan, for the review.
Comment by
paulah60
 
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Despite the fact that I said you 'n' me would plonk our butts in front of TV sport, and I'd grab your nuts etc, that was NEEDY-clingy-chick-speak. Personally, sport doesn't do it for me (not when there's only one ball involved anyway!).
An exemplary piece of writing, David. The way you play with words is mind-boggling! That said, I can't resist taking the mickey. A protein shake for breakfast...WTF?! A 'physique-enhancing' one at that...suddenly the rogue looks like a wanker LOL (no offence. In Oz that's often said playfully as a kind of term of endearment, which is how it's intended here). Still on the subject of breakfast, at least you managed to include 'toast', even if it is a verb!
With so much of your roguishness exposed, I guess I could be forgiven for momentarily thinking you were talking about yourself with the words: 'DUKE GOES DOWN!' (what...Jedi, rogue, lothario... not enough? You gotta call yourself 'Duke' as well?! LOL) Nice to see the tribal side of you exposed (along with everything else. Not much left to the imagination anymore LOL).
This is so well crafted, and such an engaging piece (even for a good sport who's not into sport), I would surely give you a six for it, and that's even without looking deeply into it!
Cheers
Paula


 Comment Written 21-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 21-Feb-2014
    Too kind, my friend, to indulge me. :) Many thanks for the laugh, the jibes, and the great review. Yes, I know what a wanker is. :)

    Actually, I have oatmeal for breakfast, with a protein shake. I work out at 5am, so I need the nutrition right after. :)

    You always crack me up.

    Remember, this is DAVID, not the rogue, so you DO have to shift gears a bit.

reply by paulah60 on 21-Feb-2014
    God knows I'm trying, but my gear'box' is jammed on rogue!

reply by the author on 21-Feb-2014
    The rogue is used to jamming your boxes, luv, so I understand.

reply by paulah60 on 21-Feb-2014
    Wanker! Said with love...of course LOL

reply by the author on 21-Feb-2014
    Accepted as such.
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