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Reviews from
Simon Says


I am a rock!

  60 total reviews 
Comment by
sweetwoodjax
 
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this is very well written, marillion, i enjoyed this little take on the simon song. the way we are all weighed down by the existence of life sometimes. i've been offline for four days and glad to be back.


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
    Thank you so much, jax!
Comment by
amahra
Beyond the Mirror
An indepth look into the soul
 
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  Rank:  21
Review Stars
  Rank:  41
 
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This was a very uniquely phrased and worded poem. Loved the lines: Perhaps they?ll tell me that they crave the dark,

And I?ll remark that darkness favors me


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
    Thank you so much, amahra!
Comment by
rama devi
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  154
 
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Glad this is not biographical right now, dear David. I like the very unique concept of playing off Paul Simon's lyrics. (i hear the song playing in my head as I read!)

As usual, superb sonnet style and form. Great rhyming Flawless meter (with substitutions in first two lines), great phonetics (too tired to list them all tonight but I do notice them ALL--will list favorites)


Good development on imagery in first stanza:

Today, the rock has cracked, the island flooded,


Very well phrased with alliteration and consonance of S and T :

and I'm resigned to sink, submerge, and drown,
because I'm looted now, scooped out and gutted,

Potent phrase--impacting:

a rootless victim of the long way down.

Creative volta:

But as I drift, I?ll ask the fish, the shark,
The eel and crab what?s what beneath the sea.


Good internal rhymes and unique content:

Perhaps they?ll tell me that they crave the dark,
And I?ll remark that darkness favors me.

Very creative and effective closing couplet---so saaaaaad! (snif snif):

I am the rubble, Simon, roped with kelp,
Beyond all light, all sight, and calls for help.

Superb rhyme pair in the closing, too, and alliteration on R, S an C/K. Great consonance of L.

Love,
rd

PS all my sixes are gone.


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
    Thank you so much, my friend, for battling the weariness to post a complete review. You never disappoint, my friend, and your virtual sixer is just as valuable to me.

reply by rama devi on 26-Feb-2014
    :-))
Comment by
madhatter1977
 
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A really great poem again, David! Thanks so much for your help with my poem too. It's quite a dark subject matter but why not! I like the record picture and the story in a poem is well told. Thanks again for your edits on my poem. I forgot to acknowledge as I've been reviewing. I really appreciate your tuition and will do so now. Best wishes, Pete :)


 Comment Written 25-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, brother. It's always my pleasure. I actually think I didn't finish on your last one, my friend. Sorry about that.

reply by madhatter1977 on 26-Feb-2014
    No worries!
Comment by
darla1977
 
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This is great all the way through, but I particularly loved the second verse! You are very wise with words, it is demonstrated here! Love the natural flow to your rhymes!


 Comment Written 25-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, Darla, for that excellent and kind review.
Comment by
2014 Script Writer Of The Year
Tomes Johnston
 
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This is a great poem from the author in this piece of writing. I am a rock reminds me of the Will Smith movie, I am legend. Very interesting.


 Comment Written 25-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
    Thank you very much, Tomes!

reply by Tomes Johnston on 25-Feb-2014
    My pleasure.
Comment by
Dustybones
 
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You'll have to give me a clue aout this Shakespearean sonnet.
My guess is that it when I feel resigned to a fate that I did not want to happen. Very brilliant writing.


 Comment Written 25-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
    Thanks very much, my friend. A Shakespearean sonnet is a 14 line poem in iambic pentameter, with three quatrains and a couplet. The first quatrain introduces the poem, more or less, the second increases the "conflict", the third is the "volta", or the turn, and the couplet ties it all up (hopefully) nicely.
Comment by
Akanksha Mahajan
 
 
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Very nice poem 'Simon Says'. You have created a clear scene in the minds of the readers by your poem. Nice rhymes. The picture is good too. Thanks for sharing.


 Comment Written 25-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
    Thank you very much for your review.
Comment by
Katzintx
 
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Original,unexpected and appreciated. Itcoffers some interesting insite for a day like that....Your structure as always is strong. I liked this one a lot. Katz


 Comment Written 24-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, my friend. I was partial to this one, too. I appreciate it.
Comment by
gazzagodbod
 
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the piece flows beautifully the established lines and new ones look like they belong together well done my friend gazzagodbod


 Comment Written 24-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014
    Thank you very much, gazza. I appreciate the review.
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