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Reviews from
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  65 total reviews 
Comment by
Kingsland
 
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I really liked the ending in this poem. It made me laugh, I'm not sure if that was your intention with the thoughts here, but I found the line really humorous. This was an excellent piece of poetic artistry to have read and responded to... John


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, John. It's a satire, so a laugh is a good thing, but it also has a serious message underlying, which satires also have...so that being said, laugh away. I appreciate it.
Comment by
Dawn of Tomorrow
Level 2 Pro
Always dreaming
of illusive love
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
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Excellent
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I was going to give this a six but I think I'll wait for the sonnets! LOL I'm not sure why you felt you need that author's note. It's a shame if someone only read the last line to make you feel the need for that. Grand progression that you have given us. This world goes in cycles and you have this worded very well.

If people would read their world history and actually study it they would understand where you are coming from. Time moves and we advance, weapons advance and still will yet. Star Wars eventually, maybe but as advanced as we seem to be we have to look back at history (which repeats itself) to understand the future. David killed Goliath with a stone and Christ will wield a sword.

Very nicely worded, maybe should have used the six ;)


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
    No problem, my friend. The sonnets are my favorite, anyway. The author's note may have been a bit of overkill, but after seeing some "way off" interpretations lately, it's a little frustrating if someone thinks this is about whether Colt or S&W is better.

    Many thanks, JL.
Comment by
STEPHEN A CARTER
 
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Excellent
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Consider
"Put on the boxing gloves.

Loved the piece as the poet brings an escalating argument to its lethal conclusion. A parody bringing to the fore the issues of rising violence in our society used to settle disagreements.

Regards:


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, Stephen. I actually had that there, but since 'unbox' and 'box' are different contexts, I actually liked it. Still, I'll let it marinate.

    Many thanks! D
Comment by
Donya Quijote
 
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What irony you have penned here with a touch of psychological observation on the side. People will see what they choose to see in this poem. Just beware!!! I like you progress from the initial verbal confrontation to dueling. I wonder if that was how it went back in those dark age day when lesser men attempted to solve their disputes with a touch of flint and a bit gunpowder. Just a short political aside, I'm a Navy veteran and I can tell you with all due certainty that guns large and small do not solve and can never solve the problems we have and that the bigger the gun one possesses the lower to IQ points of the individual possessing it. It took the Navy six years, nearly my entire enlistment to teach me to shoot straight and consistently. I despise guns and culture that goes with it. Funny thing was that the guns (the chief in charge of the armory) always pencil approved me for my weapon quals because he would stand a watch with an armed petty officer who couldn't pass the quals but with a good head on the her shoulders than with some of the idiots who got technical passes because they could hit the target but had not brain cell between their ears.

Your rhyme is fine not at all forced. Easy flow and slight tonal quality that is just combination ironic and sarcastic. I like that tone and it is the best way I can describe it. Also there is another quality to your poem it has a kind of rapid fire rat-a-tat-tat sound when read aloud as it builds up to the point Colt and Smith and Wesson move front and center. Do you notice it? It may just be the way I read it. It may be the effect of the mixed meter, which I amazingly picked up on before I read your notes.

I like this line best of all: But if, by then, we're still at odds, /And live to kill the lesson. It perfectly describes those who in the end feel they must count their paces, draw their pieces, and fire. They, after tongues, fists, and knives, have failed to learn.

Thought provoking poem. Enjoyable read too.

By the way, found your title interesting the prefix in parenthesis creates its own meaning and drew my attention, especially since it kind of contrasted significantly with the picture that followed. Catchy presentation...

How are you rhymers able to do this again and again? What's the secret? Care to share?


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
    Thank you SO much, Donya, for your time, your insight, your wisdom, and your ability to dissect my thoughts.

    My dad was Navy, too, and I actually have good knowledge of firearms, so I'm not a total pacifist, but the trend of shooting first has me worried for our future.

    The rat-a-tat-tat is more a product of the meter, but if you want to give me credit for it, go right ahead. :) I'm glad you liked that title, as I was happy with it, too.

    I'm not sure if there IS a secret, but motivation and the aptitude for rhyme and meter helps a lot. Hoping you'll go premier again soon so I can reciprocate. :)
Comment by
pipersfancy
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I'm a bit surprised by your disclaimer... a *little* bit.

Your meaning and intention is quite apparent to me. You could have chosen an image of a mushroom cloud to accompany these words as that is the logical progression/regression we have advanced to on the international stage. In the late '40's Einstein paraphrased an expression that had come into being with the advent of the Atomic Era - I don't know with what weapons WWIII will be fought, but WWIV will be fought with sticks and stones.

Someone else wrote a piece recently, I think it was boxergirl, on a similar theme. I always watch for repeating themes in life... I think (hope) it indicates growing social awareness of important issues which eventually lead us to the tipping point for positive change.

Speaking of 'tipping points', have you read any of the brilliant books of social commentary written by Malcolm Gladwell? I've read 'The Tipping Point' and 'Blink'... both of which touch on that flashpoint mentality, knee-jerk reactions that tend to lead to the kind of escalation you so deftly describe.

As always, a fabulous write! (Keep the title as is, BTW, it's perfect.)

Christina



 Comment Written 26-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
    I was conflicted on whether I should or not, Christina, and I'm afraid it may be snarkier than I intended. Unfortunately, a few reviews on simple conceits lately had me scratching my head, and I could just see someone thinking this was a comparative piece about the difference between the Colt .45 and the S&W 357 snub nose, as in the pic.

    I've never read those books, but I'm always looking for excellent and informative books, so thanks!

    Thank you also, my friend, for that sixer (another one!) and for the excellent thoughts. I value you, Christina.
Comment by
skye
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Your rhymes and lines are smooth, flow well, paint the picture of ways to resolve conflicts.
Ok, that said....
I am pro gun, but NOT for resolving arguments.
Your male (LOL) choices are fascinating, well constructed, and work.
I am always amazed that the males I know would rather fight than TALK it out. LOL.
Excellent.


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, skye. I'm certainly not anti-gun, as I'm well-versed in shooting, and have fired everything from M-16s to Mossberg shotguns to Desert Eagles, and enjoyed it...but I AM anti-stupidity WITH guns. I agree with you, in other words. Thank you! David

reply by skye on 26-Feb-2014
    Yeah!
Comment by
Righteous Riter
 
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Excellent
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Good use of the abab rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with lesson/Wesson. Good alliteration with give/grievance/gods. Good rhythm and flow. Good complimentary photo followed by a thought provoking message.


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, RR!
Comment by
darla1977
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
You leave me in awe again!!! It is clear to me now, why you rank so high! I can never find anything in your work that needs editing! This is so clever!


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
    Thank you so much, Darla. I really appreciate that!!!

    David
Comment by
mauial
 
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Excellent
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I can see where your title has meaning because this begins with talking it out and the progression of settling violently escalates. Sad isn't it? I like the mixed meter and the abab rhyme.


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
    It really is, Al. Thanks so much for that great review, my friend.
Comment by
Rainbowsofhappiness
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A poem chock full of irony and one must look further into it to uncover the writer's true meaning behind the words. The abab rhyming scheme helps the poem to flow exquisitely. The poem attempts to instill in the reader how dissolutioned humanity has become in settling their differences. Instead of sitting down to hash out our issues we allow them to stew until they escalate to such a degree that the only clear solution one sees to achieve the end of the discord is to turn to simplistic means (in this case the writer portrays those means through the mention of knives and guns). He is trying to convey the sad truth that people go to extremes in life that are not necessary. An interesting look into how the human mind perceives situations that arise in life and how individuals feel threatened by what they can't immediately wrap their minds around. Dripping with precise, imagery creating word choices, this poem is extremely well written and constructed if you takes it only at face value, but when you dig deeper to find the true meaning behind the writer's words you uncover a truly brilliant piece of writing.


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
    What a wonderful review, Rainbows...and it certainly made ME happy. Thanks so much for your spot-on assessment of the poem, your insight, and the very kind words.

    David

reply by Rainbowsofhappiness on 26-Feb-2014
    You are most welcome! Glad I conveyed your thoughts correctly! :-)
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