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Reviews from
Primary Care


My Mom

  57 total reviews 
Comment by
Patrick G Cox
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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Hi Marillion,

All power to you for taking on the care of your parents, it is something many these days either cannot or will not undertake.

As for the cost of care for someone in real need - it is a problem we all face I think and likely to get worse.

Patrick


 Comment Written 02-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
    Thanks so much, Patrick, for your kind and compassionate review.
Comment by
Donya Quijote
 
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I read this short poem the other day on my lunch break during a lull when my lunch bunch (the kids that eat lunch with me)was oddly quiet and I could contemplate a bit on the words you have written here. I couldn't write my thoughts at that time, dynamics at school and during lunch change quickly. I know it's a poor excuse, right?

I've also noted that since so much time has past since you posted this and so many have undoubted commented and sung its praises that now I am wondering what more I could say that would be any different from what has already been said. I will do my best to write something enlightening.

From the standpoint of if I were your mother I think my eyes would well up with tears as I read these words of praise. Your poem, in other words, is wonderful way to express your love and admiration for your mother's love for her husband and the colossal effort she put forth in his care until she could no longer do so. Her love for him and your admiration shine brightly. Her gentle demeanor and her dedication are an inspiration for us all. She is a woman worthy of our emulation. You yourself have done as much in taking over the responsibilities. She taught you well and we all could stand to learn a lesson or two from your example. I am humbled by it all.

Technically, your expertise in rhyme in meter are most apparent as flow is smooth, those dadums are quite evident moving the poem gently forward to its final line. The rhymes are unforce and you haven't tampered with syntax to make your choices work.

What is most attractive about this short poem is its unassuming and gentle tone. It is easy to hear and feel the love, the awe, the reverence you have for your mother.

You poem is wonderful tribute to your mother, and I hope you share it with her.

Wow! Fifty years is a very long time. I hope they have many more...



 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
    You never disappoint, my friend, and I appreciate it so much. I really appreciate your kindness, compassion, understanding, insight, and your time in always taking yours with my work. I truly appreciate it, Donya.

    Please let me know if you ever see me mess with syntax, as it's one of those things I'm determined never to do. Thank you so much.

reply by Donya Quijote on 02-Mar-2014
    Oh, I think I had a flashback. There once was a poet here who always played with his syntax in order to force his rhyme. Sometimes reversing the normal order of English syntax can be used to great effect. The same can also be said of those who employ the apostrophe. It wasn't a criticism, I think I'm beginning to notice that playing with syntax is NOT a trick in your bag. Truth be told, I might not even notice unless it causes me to trip up as I read it aloud. I do read these aloud because tone and other aspects of sound are things that appeal to me. You must remember that I am a free verse writer and haiku enthusiast who also dabbles in short stories from time to time. I will even hesitate to call myself a poet, maybe a wannabe. I have trouble rhyming and metering myself out of a paper bag, and as a result, I do notice certain things especially now that I read only a few poets due to me being a standard and not having a lot of free time due to my teaching duties. Also my little muse took a vacation and I haven't been able to conjure up anything worth reading much less worthy of sharing with those far more skilled than I am. I can't re-enable my old posts until I return so you can't even humor me by tip toeing through the pasture of my poetry and what not. Hopefully circumstances with change soon...
Comment by
The Boy Whodunnit!
 
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A very heartfelt piece of writing. It is well written and the words you have chosen say something very powerful.

I'd like to say I enjoyed it, but that's not quite right. In many ways it's quite hard to read because it comes across as very real and you can see the pain in it.

Anyway, I like it a lot, and the thoughtfulness of it, if not the pain behind it. Hope this makes sense.

BW


 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
    Thanks very much, TBW. I'll definitely take that as a compliment. I appreciate the review.
Comment by
A Jesterstear
 
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Hey man, that is a very beautiful poem. Your love and devotion glows through your words. They must be very proud of you. "head haloed by the silver of her hair" Thank you for sharing. AJ.


 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
    Thanks so much, my friend. I appreciate it!
Comment by
jluzzle
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Wow, that just pulled on my heart, awesome, really great piece. I wonder if grandparents ever feel as if taking care of their loved ones is a - crippling debt - at least once???
Great flow and an even better message.

nice write...


 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
    Thanks so much, my friend.
Comment by
onlyonehimanshu
 
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
a very good poem. The vocabulary was execellent.
The way in which the thought of helping was expressed was
very gentel and polite a short and sweet poem

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
    Thank you, but based on your review there are some issues. Could you expound on why you docked a star?
Comment by
tfawcus
Level 3 Pro
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  65
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  24
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  7
Review Stars
  Rank:  47
 

#7 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Sometimes more intensity can be squeezed into a short poem than a long one. The tightened phrases and the things suggested but left unsaid evoke empathetic feeling. I would have given this six if I could. It is a poem of great strength, straight from the heart. Whilst it speaks of the loving sacrifices of your mother it also has a global appeal for there are many such silent heroes and heroines in this world.


 Comment Written 28-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 28-Feb-2014
    Thank you so much, Tony, for your kind and eloquent review. I appreciate it and your virtual sixer.
Comment by
2019 Short Works Writer of the Year
Ideasaregems-Dawn
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  141
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  77
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  167
 
Excellent
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What a lovely tribute, David, to both your parents. There is much love in this small poem. "She rises painfully - without complaint...", and then, "To pay the interest on a crippling debt." These lines, especially, touch my heart.


 Comment Written 28-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 28-Feb-2014
    Thank you so much, my friend. I hope you're feeling better.

reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 28-Feb-2014
    LOL - I was, thank you. Much. But it seems to be slightly hanging on today...sigh.

    On the bright side, I am about to post a riposte to the poem of yours I am also about to review. :)

reply by the author on 28-Feb-2014
    You may want to wait. I'm so irritated by some of the responses, I'm not sure I want to do any more for awhile.

reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 28-Feb-2014
    Oh, you're kidding! ??? I'm on my way.
Comment by
Glasstruth
 
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Such a sad story, but one that's all around. We just don't see it. My favorite line: "Her shadow drags just like a burdened saint" You've captured the mood. Your author notes made it all the more touching. Les


 Comment Written 28-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 28-Feb-2014
    Thank you so much, Les!
Comment by
2014 Script Writer Of The Year
Rondeno
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
It's very moving, David. It's short and simple, but it shines with love. I'm sure she is delighted with it - and with having you for a son.


 Comment Written 28-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 28-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, my friend!
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