Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

Love Poem Poetry Contest
Deadline: In 2 Days

No Rules Poetry Contest
Deadline: In 6 Days

One Line Poem
Deadline: Oct 28th

Halloween Story
Deadline: Oct 31st

Halloween Poetry
Deadline: Oct 31st


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
Primary Care


My Mom

  57 total reviews 
Comment by
Darshi04
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Man. This is outstanding. It touches the depths of my heart. Again, every word is so so so well crafted!
I think the poetry without the picture would still paint a picture of the picture that you've used, and much more. That's where you've succeeded. Making the writer feel and visualize emotional intangible things.
I loved stopping by here.

Keep writing, David!
~Darshi


 Comment Written 28-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 28-Feb-2014
    Thank you SO much, my friend. I truly appreciate that! Your sixer and comments mean a lot.
Comment by
Jackarrie
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is truly a wonderful tribute to your Mum who gave lovingly of her time to her loving husband in his time of need. Not easy especially at the late age to muster up all the energy. Love does conquer all.
I congratulate you also, for your devotion to your parents.

Well written. Mary


 Comment Written 28-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 28-Feb-2014
    Thank you very much, Mary. I really appreciate it!
Comment by
Helvi2
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  215
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hi David,

My mother had a stroke and I was her caregiver till she passed away in 2004. I know the loving debt your mom and you both payed for someone you loved. THe poem you wrote expresses that love beautifully. THe heart always gives without complaint. Your short and sweet poem says it all with no need to say more.

VERY Nicely Done My Friend! :o) Helvi


 Comment Written 28-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 28-Feb-2014
    Thank you so much, my friend! I appreciate what you've done for your mother, too, and your sixer. Many, many thanks!

reply by Helvi2 on 28-Feb-2014
    You're Very Welcome and thank you for your kind words! :o) Helvi
Comment by
michaelcahill
Level 1 Pro
rumours and innuendos
rumours of innuendos
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A beautiful tribute to your mom. There is something of a validation in here too for all that have given this kind of care. I felt that as I read this recalling the care I gave my mom in her last couple years. I think a lot of people will feel a little nod their way as well. So perfectly worded. That makes the message all the more poignant. mikey


 Comment Written 28-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 28-Feb-2014
    Thanks so much, my friend. I'd like to think so, Mikey. I appreciate that, and you.
Comment by
sweetwoodjax
 
Review Stars
  
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
this is very well written, marillion, you did an excellent job writing this quatrain poem with the envelope rhyme scheme, she should be honored for showing the strength she did and shows the love she had for your father.


 Comment Written 28-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 28-Feb-2014
    Thank you so much, Jax, for that sixer and your kind words.
Comment by
Katzintx
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
As always, no problem with your structure or form and style. I do admire your inspiration on this one. I gave you six stars cause it you MOM! and you better make sure she gets a copy of the author note as well. Well done
katz


 Comment Written 27-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 28-Feb-2014
    Thank you, my friend, for that sixer. I promise to adhere to your conditions. :)
Comment by
Sissy
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hot damn, I come on Fanstory for the first time in so long, and see this sitting in my inbox...

YAY!

Hi David!!!!!

I remember your poem about your dad, Enabled, right? -- It struck such a chord with me. I could feel the depth of your feeling for your dad there, and the same goes here for your mom.

We can feel the emotional? physical? burden on your mother here (shadow drags, stooped in silhouette), which could in essence make it seem as if she were resentful, but something in this makes me know she wasn't. But this still is realistic. You don't cover the difficulties up with sunshine and roses, which I think is so important here. It'd be simple to take the easy way out and hide the uncomfortableness of aging and sickness, with all its subsequent and scary problems. But you don't.

I am so rusty in reviewing, this has to be reading awkwardly, and aw hell, what am I going to say that you don't already know, technicality-wise? However, I find it interesting that you chose to go with the dashes in the first line of each stanza. It makes it very visually uniform and pleasing. On purpose? (Most likely)

Eight lines, two stanzas, however you want to say it - it packs a pretty good punch. Good to see you writing, David. And good to see you here.

Sissy


 Comment Written 27-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 28-Feb-2014
    My GOD. Shockity-F'n-Shock, indeed! So GLAD to see that name pop up, and I hope you'll be returning, my friend. I miss you! Thanks so much for your sixer, and for your incredibly kind comments, which aren't awkward reading AT ALL. Yes, that was on purpose, so good catch!
Comment by
Lisloh
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
EXCELLENT ~ EXCELLENT ~ EXCELLENT!!!
Via distance,,, have walked through this with you.
Awesomely you have portrayed the Journey here with this.


 Comment Written 27-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
    Great, and surprising, to see your name pop up! Thank you!
Comment by
2014 Novelist and 2016 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Phyllis Stewart
Premier Writer
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Where giving care has been her sole device
To pay the interest on a crippling debt.

What a touching, wonderful story in these two stanzas. I picture my own hubby caring for my failing body in years to come and it breaks my heart. But I know that's how a HUGE number of loving couples come to their end. Life sucks, frankly. Why am I even here? It wasn't my choice, and I regret it now that I am old and decrepit.


 Comment Written 27-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 28-Feb-2014
    Thank you so much, my friend. For better or for worse. THIS is what it's all about, Phyllis.
Comment by
2009-2014 Poet Of The Year
adewpearl
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
lovely pairing of photo and poem
excellent use of envelope rhyming
excellent assonance in painfully/complaint
good alliteration in head haloed
vivid detail of her appearance and her character
excellent alliteration in stooped in silhouette
what a moving portrait/tribute of your mom, my friend :-) This side of you is about ten bazillion times better than the Rogue :-) Brooke


 Comment Written 27-Feb-2014



reply by the author on 28-Feb-2014
    Thank you so much, Brooke, and I agree with you. Please do forgive the rogue, though. He knows not what he does...and he'll be going on respite very soon. Too many legitimate conceits to share.
  Previous Page  1  -2-  3 4 5 6  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
Rainy River
a free verse


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy