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Deadline: Dec 8th


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Reviews from
Dead End


An apocalyptic tale about a lonely man and his dog...

  18 total reviews 
Comment by
Saengard
 
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Awesome, with minor critiques. The paragraph starting with 'He'd pushed the prison's bus as far as he could...' began to get stilted and awkward with the sentence structure. A few less periods, some commas and rework the sentence 'Everyone who knew such things was'. Grammatically correct or not, it sounds awkward on the ears and takes away from the story. Great work! Loved the immediacy and great imagery!

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014


reply by the author on 27-Aug-2014
    Thanks, Saengard, and I appreciate the awesome feedback I like it when readers tell me what worked and what did not for them. It only serves to help me get better the next go-round...

    Much obliged.
Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  24
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  12
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  16
Script Rating
  Rank:  5
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  17
 

#5 Ranked Script Writer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Loved the whole storyline. The mix of headline weather and cosmos manipulations worked well. The dog attack in the end and the sound of more Jeff- eaters was choice. The grahic was super cool as well.


 Comment Written 08-Mar-2014


reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
    Thanks Bill, I really appreciate that! I really glad that you liked this one.
Comment by
emrpoems
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Turn this into a novel and it could be a best seller.
Reminds me Hotel and also The President if I remember the names correctly. Always admire your writing this is no exception.
Very well written. Congratulations on a well deserved win


 Comment Written 07-Mar-2014


reply by the author on 08-Mar-2014
    Thanks very much, emrpoems, that's a very nice thing to say. I really admire your talent as well, my friend.
Comment by
Dashjianta
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  341
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A grim view of an apocalyptic future. Jeff's summary for its cause stop the explanation getting too complex or boring. He comes across as determined, but someone who tends to look expect the worst - pushing on despite imagining everyone else is already did.

Didn't expect the dog to turn on him at the end - was wondering if he would eat the dog.

Just a couple of suggestions:

The opening line felt a bit too long for me. No suggestion on how to trim it though. Sorry.

Also, in the third form last paragraph, you repeat spectacular - it stands out because its not a commonly used word, and the repetition takes away from its impact.


 Comment Written 07-Mar-2014


reply by the author on 07-Mar-2014
    Thank you very much for the excellent feedback, Dashjianta. I appreciate that. I will do what I can to implement your suggestions as well.

    Thanks again!
Comment by
Sylvia Page
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This story is quite believable. I suppose if there's going to be mass destruction like it did the dinosaurs, your theory is a genuine possibility. The world will never come to an end, but living creatures can become extinct. Only God's chosen will survive a sort of ethnic cleansing maybe?
Best wishes in the contest.
Sylvia


 Comment Written 07-Mar-2014


reply by the author on 07-Mar-2014
    Hey, I am really glad you liked it, Sylvia. I appreciate your kind comments and the excellent review. Much obliged!
Comment by
2014 Novelist and 2016 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Phyllis Stewart
Premier Writer
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Excellent story! Very entertaining and gripping all the way thru. Love the shocking twist at the end, just what good flash fiction should have. I cast my vote for you earlier to day, but just got around to reviewing. :)


 Comment Written 07-Mar-2014


reply by the author on 07-Mar-2014
    Thank you very much, Phyllis. I'm glad you liked this one! That twist I rewrote into the story at the last minute. I felt it was too passe the way I'd originally written it. It nearly cost me getting it in on time. WHEW!

    I appreciate your kind review.
Comment by
w.j.debi
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  93
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Nice twist at the end. I wasn't expecting that, but it certainly makes sense if you think about it. Smaller animals survived when dinosaurs didn't, so who knows which animals will use their cunning to the best advantage the next time. Best of luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 06-Mar-2014


reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
    Thanks for the positive feedback, Debi. I really appreciate it!
Comment by
Michaelk
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow! Excellent story. Excellent ending. You really caught me by surprise. I thought this was going to be a story that could have continued with the main character. It was the wounded leg that got me (and Jeff). I just didn't see it coming from an injured animal. Great visuals, great descriptions. Altogether excellent.


 Comment Written 06-Mar-2014


reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
    Thanks for such an enthusiastic review, Michaelk. I'm really glad that you enjoyed it, my friend!
Comment by
DonandVicki
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  50
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  441
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A very engaging and scary piece of science fiction. Your story development keeps the readers attention held all the way through. Don and Vicki


 Comment Written 06-Mar-2014


reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
    Thank you, Don. I appreciate the read as well as your kind comments. Much obliged!
Comment by
RodG
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  91 (+4)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  83
Review Stars
  Rank:  72
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I was hooked from the start and you kept me throughout. What really impressed me was your description of the CAUSE(S) of all this mayhem. Very realistic. I also like the fact your protagonist is a prisoner who manages to escape. We do root for him because he's on his own. The chilling ending is stark and believable. Good description of the storm. Very well done.


 Comment Written 06-Mar-2014


reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
    Thanks very much, Rod! I really appreciate your enthusiastic response, my friend. I'm also very glad you liked it.
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