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Reviews from
At Last Light


A beach poem

  40 total reviews 
Comment by
sunnilicious
 
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  Rank:  201
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The beach in February can be fun (on the Pacific Ocean). You made it sounds really nice. Sour situation with reflection in a romantic place. Creative. Nicely done.


 Comment Written 10-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014
    Thanks so much, Sunni. That's where this one was inspired, actually.
Comment by
boxergirl
 
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Beautiful poem that you have penned. The picture of the fire on the beach compliments as well. The first stanza grabbed me and sat me right down beside the fire. Nothing better than sitting by that fire, no matter where it is located. Thanks for sharing. 8-)


 Comment Written 09-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 10-Mar-2014
    Thank you again, BG. I appreciate it.
Comment by
Walter L. Jones
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Now that is the old guy I remember, special indeed, ripping back layers, onion all but pealed, my mind works, lost in image and words spoken and unspoken, special write my friend... best and better.. Walt


 Comment Written 09-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
    Yes, the onion was on the chopping block again, my friend. Thank you so much for that sixer and kind comments, Walt.
Comment by
A Jesterstear
 
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On the nail big M. I really liked this one, I wish I had a quid for every time I have sat by a camp fire looking at the sky and wondering about it all. This should be read while KlF's song 'Build a fire is playing in the background. I'm not sure if you are familiar with that band or piece of music. If not take a look. AJ.


 Comment Written 09-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
    Thanks so much, my brother, for that great review, AJ. I'm not familiar with that group or song, though, so I'll look them up.
Comment by
robina1978
 
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Beautiful beach photo that complements your beach poem extremely well. As you say it is autobiographical, I assume you were sitting by this fire on the beach. Looks nice.


 Comment Written 09-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
    Thank you so much, Ine, for your great review.
Comment by
Dorothy Farrell
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This is a lovely read David. Very atmospheric - a mixture of romance and technical down-to-earthiness. 'Recalibrating your mind' and 'By sitting on a slick, half sunken tire' - I like that line. It sounds like you really were there. Perfect accompanying picture. Oh - just read it is biographical. Regards Dorothy


 Comment Written 09-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
    Thank you very much, Dorothy! I really appreciate it. Yes, this hearkens back to my time in California.

reply by Dorothy Farrell on 09-Mar-2014
    Why did you ever leave? I thought no one ever left California. I loved everywhere we went there. I particularly liked San Diego - San Francisco was great - fishermen's wharf reminded me of John Steinbeck's 'Cannery Row' - in fact everywhere reminded me of either a book I'd read or movie I'd seen. D

reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
    It was time to come home. I'm a Southern boy, and L.A. just had too many temptations and dangers.

reply by Dorothy Farrell on 09-Mar-2014
    I can imagine. We visited LA but stayed in Pasadena. D
Comment by
N.K. Wagner
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No freaking here. That's a rhyme scheme I need to try.

Sunset over the ocean is spectacular, but of course, we're on the wrong coast to enjoy it properly - no firy ball hissing into the water. We get watercolor sunrises instead (I'm in Statesville, by the way).

I particularly like the metaphors in your second stanza. The whole process of approaching night comes alive. :) Nancy



 Comment Written 09-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
    Thanks so much, N.K. Have at it, my friend. It's a pretty rewarding rhyme scheme, I think. I appreciate the great review. I'm used to looking at sunrises from Emerald Isle now, but this one was written about my time in So Cal.
Comment by
The Death
 
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What a wonderful beginning:
"The coastal carpet rolls.."-
It's a visual treat.

Excellent use of alliteration at so many places in this write. I enjoyed the fluidity of words.

Fine use of consonance of T,D,R,S and so on.
The words are musical and the imagery is strong--enough to stand on it's own.

I love last verse the most. The concluding lines are impressive as well.

Great work!

Have a sizzling Sunday! :-)




 Comment Written 09-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
    Thanks so much, my brother. I really appreciate that great review.
Comment by
michaelcahill
Level 1 Pro
rumours and innuendos
rumours of innuendos
 
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You should have told me not to freak out at the beginning. I was riding the ceiling fan half way through! This is awesome original imagery. Love the orange-sherbet bauble, I could practically take a bite out of it. Always the amazing thought provoking ending to tie it up perfectly. Love the lean back and take a satisfied sip of coffee moment. Just curious, you were there, correct? Or, did you actually sit at a desk and dream this up? mikey


 Comment Written 09-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
    Mikey, you KNOW you're always looking for a reason to hitch a ride on that fan. :) Yes, this one really did happen. You know all about those west coast beach fires, don't you? :) Thanks so much, my friend.
Comment by
2019 Short Works Writer of the Year
Ideasaregems-Dawn
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What an unusual rhyme scheme, for sure, and it works wonderfully. This is also refreshingly different in the way you have expressed introspection - I especially loved, "Skip thoughts cross the waves to feel them rise..."

You've made me long for those pensive times by the sea...(*smile*)

Beautiful, David, and so very original!


 Comment Written 09-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 09-Mar-2014
    Thank you very much, Dawn, for that great review. I really appreciate it! David

    P.S. The sea is truly magical.
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