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Reviews from
Along the Jericho Road


Viewing comments for Chapter 57 "Ahanzi Moon"

Murder Mystery

  40 total reviews 
Comment by
AprilShower
 
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I'm not sure that I understand the picture, but it is colorful and stands out.

It seems Edward Pearce is haunted by ghosts. This novel is dark one. I have no idea on how it will end.

I have no suggestions, Bev.

April :o)


 Comment Written 24-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
    Thanks for the encouraging review, April. Always good to hear from you. :0) Bev
Comment by
Cumbrianlass
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Holy crap, Bev, you never cease to amaze me. Such a strong chapter, with all the elements to keep the reader glued to your story. It just keeps getting better.
The dialogue, as always - spot on.

The tension - oh my god. When the door handle shook, when Danika was jumped...brilliant stuff.

And the touch with 'Dad' in the truck with Eddie. It's just one heart-clenching moment after another.
Really superb work, my friend. You push boundaries, take risks, and pull it all off like a pro.

Love and hugs,

Av

xx


she said, point(ing) to a corner of her make-up table, "and you can go."




 Comment Written 24-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
    Av, thank you so much for this gracious and generous review. I'm also appreciative of you catching that typo. Just when I think I'm ready to wrap this up, a new character grabs hold. I'm trying to round up all the loose ends to that end LoL. Sure appreciate you! Much love, Bev
Comment by
barkingdog
Premier Author
2013 #2 Ranked Novelist
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
And here we have a new side to the situation. We see several 'bad guys'. Danika is a real piece of work. Jordan threatens her and Pearce shows up to kidnap her.
Just when it was getting good, it was over and I have to wait another week... I will. LOL
Fantastic character development, Bev.


 Comment Written 24-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
    Ellen, thank you so very much! Especially for the part about character development. I worry about that all the time, so it's good to get a nod of approval from you. Danika is a pawn in the devil's game, though Edward doesn't realize it yet. I really appreciate your encouragement, my friend. Hugs, Bev
Comment by
2016 Poet Of The Year
Dean Kuch
 
Review Stars
  
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Okay, Bev, I simply couldn't stand the suspense any longer. So please, bear with me as I jump into the fray with both feet and one eye blinded, and try to pick up the story that always causes such a buzz here on FanStory -- deal?

So there is incriminating evidence, overwhelmingly so apparently, that Edward Pearce is the serial killer the police have sought for quite some time in the town of Granite Mountain.

Danika Marten is a major network anchor who seems to like goading her assistant, Jordan, into frequent fits of anger. However, she's just using him at the moment, and once she's tired of him, he's a goner. Adios, muchachos! But she also has something over on Jordan, some secret that could destroy him.

Theirs is definitely a match made in hell, and probably destined to end there.

In the station dressing room area as she was leaving, Danika is hit and knocked forcefully to the ground by what appears to her to be a large dog. A hell hound, come to exact it's penance for a promise made. It's never wise to deal with the devil. He always wins.

No Edward's up to his wicked ways, and he's kidnapped Danika to do God knows what to her to make some sort of statement. Eddie's father comes to him in the car in a vision, trying to warm him that the road his heading down is one that he can't turn around on.


Excellent, Bev! I seemed to grasp the story just fine, and your writing style is highly polished and tension building.

Fabulous work!



 Comment Written 24-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
    Hi, Dean. Yup, you've got the gist of the latest events. There is a thread that's also a major part of this story, and that is that a pedophile priest started Eddie down this path by seducing the boy he loved. That boy later killed himself as he could not face being a witness at the Monsignor's trial. Father Brian is aware of the supernatural aspects of this case as he had some nasty encounters with Satan at the rectory. Anyway, I very much appreciate this great review, my friend. You are a horror writer I much admire, so your nod of approval means a lot! Warmest regards, Bev

reply by Dean Kuch on 24-Mar-2014
    My pleasure, Bev! Great writing.

reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
    Thanks, buddy!
Comment by
Showboat
 
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Oh Bev, it always makes me smile when I see a new chapter from you and this one was so tense I was on the edge of my chair.

Question about the sentence below, not sure, check to see if others mention it. I've been taught that the only time you can do that with dialogue is to either start a new sentence, ie:..'over there." She pointed.... and finish as you have it. I think in order to keep the comma, you have to use 'she said, pointing...', something like that.

hairspray over there," she pointed to a corner of her make-up table, "and you can go."

but it was half-hearted gesture ... maybe ad 'a' after was?

God, girl, this was super duper, no other word. Can't wait for the next one!

Hugs,
Gayle


 Comment Written 24-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
    Hi, Gayle. Thanks a bunch for the great advice. Your editing skills come in mighty handy! And I appreciate the wonderful words of encouragement, my friend. Hugs, Bev
Comment by
Maureen's Pen
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Dear Bev - this is a riveting read and kept me on the edge of the action, the darkness was penned with great imagery and emotion from the characters. I thought it was exceptionally well done, skilled expressive writing that not only scares me with the dark aspect of the story but also makes me want to read more - and you know how I am on scary stuff:)
Thanks for sharing this was an amazing post for your story line.
Maureen


 Comment Written 24-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
    Maureen, thank you so much for this gracious and so-generous review. I know that this chapter is pushing some boundaries. The one thing I want to avoid is falling back on the negative elements to further the story. Your feedback is a great barometer for me, and I so appreciate it, my friend.

    Hugs, Bev
Comment by
Norbanus
 
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So Danika has finally met her match
In Jordan and again in Edward too.
But do be know if she is really dead
or is she lying senseless through and through?


 Comment Written 24-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
    Indeed she has! Thanks so much, Norbanus. I appreciate the support and generosity. :0) Bev
Comment by
Aussie
Premier Author
Kace
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  113
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  69
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Review Stars
  Rank:  128
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
The Hound of Hell was a great piece of writing - I would have peed my pants too! I did enjoy this short story and I bet the woman won't need anymore make-up. Thanks for sharing my friend.


 Comment Written 24-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
    Kay, thanks so very much for your very generous and supportive review. I really appreciate the encouragement. Hugs, Bev
Comment by
Patrick G Cox
 
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Excellent
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Hi Bev,

Whoa, this Danika lady is one nasty piece of work, but now it looks as if she's played one card too many. As for the murderer, this Edward is one very sick guy, and your demonic 'guide' controlling him gets worse and worse. Good hook on the end here.

OK, one correction for you -

He pulled to the side of the rode and wept - ... road ...

Patrick


 Comment Written 24-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
    Hi, Patrick. Danika represents the way the press often complicates cases for the police - to the point of giving killers all they need to elude the authorities. This happens in real life and is utterly reprehensible.

    Thanks for the great review and error check!

    :0) Bev
Comment by
CR Delport
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Seems like Karma has caught up with Danika as she fell into the clutches of the serial killer. This is some strong writing and I didn't spot any obvious errors.


 Comment Written 24-Mar-2014



reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
    Yes, that's certainly one aspect of this chapter, CR. Thanks for the review and support. :0) Bev
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