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Reviews from
The Bard of Bel Air


Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Ruby Debuts & A New Nanny "

A homeless man sees more than people realize.

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
Sankey
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This is a good read mate. Pity you are getting back into your old habit of spagging hehe.
Enjoying the story so far sorry I have not got back here for a bit still trying to get the old finger out of the Writer blockade hehe. There's anew one. Still see some of your music days and your caring profession coming through in spits and spats. Now the spags or whatever.
couple (of)hours ..my comment I realize Americans have this shameful habit of leaving joining words out...must be too much of a bother to add them or something.

Here you go again!! "A couple (of)suits in the corner."
Having as bad spag time today matey...were no ties of(r) gold cuff links


 Comment Written 25-Apr-2014


Comment by
Darkhorse555
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What an images painted in words mikey disingenuous smile and motioned to the plain fold up chair at the front of his desk beautifully penned delightful read dear friend excellent piece


 Comment Written 24-Apr-2014


Comment by
l.raven
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HI Michael, well it looks like we are finally getting closer...and go Lucy....but be careful...I detect trouble...some reason I think Bard is closer to this than we think...hummmmm....moving on...next...Luff Linda xxoo


 Comment Written 23-Apr-2014


Comment by
ravenblack
 
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Having again read through your cast of characters, I have come to realize that you have a knack for names- not run-of-the mill and not too flashy to be unbelievable. And I think I know who did it- the record producer. They are all scumbags. I was a vocalist for a garage band in high school. Our first song- Jumping Jack Flash - great lyrics and fun to sing.


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014


Comment by
seaglass
 
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This continues with great story development. I like the variation of settings (The mother/daughter Diamonds) and Bard and the Blackwell's. Such plots always keep it interesting for me. A nanny is a great undercover, surprised J.Edger H. didn't use it...maybe he did...?

This phrase looked like it needed a bit of work to me..
"Ruby(?was?) tired of poverty."


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014


Comment by
GracieAnn
 
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Mikey, this one flowed much better for me. I guess I get sidetracked a little with the interjection of the poetry. Imagine that, coming from a would-be poet! LOL. Perhaps, putting them at the end of the write might give it stability. One question-you mean loved in this line, She oved her momma? or maybe owed? Small typo. This one worked for me. :0 GracieAnn


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014


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Nosha17
 
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Great chapter, we learned a lot about the characters from Baton Rouge and how they fit into the story. It will get interesting also, now that Lucy is hired. Good dialogue and enjoyable read. Faye


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014


Comment by
Millibrad
 
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Your story continues to intrigue. Glad we get to meet Diamond and Ruby. Did Harpster know about Ruby? Doesn't seem likely.

Bruno "Shnots" Ernst tended bar along with owning and grilling bratwurst and red onions.[This sentence is confusing. The way it reads, "owning" refers to the bratwurst and red onions. I suspect you mean he owns the establishment.]

The only time he displayed an affinity for his German ancestry is when a patron ordered shots for the house. [Either change displayed to displays or is to was.]

Most of our own children (our)[are] grown.


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014


Comment by
Rosalyne
 
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Hi Mikey.
This is a good chapter that brings in a couple of different viewpoints, all intertwined to Jonathan Blackwell. I like that you've brought in the musical side, and some of what goes on behind the scenes.
Bye
Rosalyne :)


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014


Comment by
nelliesellie
 
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I love the story. Junior is a pretty tough guy but he could be put under the spell of the new nanny. Diamond may be thrown in the mix if someone finds out abut Ruby. The widow will be fighting for her home. The fighting starts Great work


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014


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