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Reviews from
The Bard of Bel Air


Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Ruby Debuts & A New Nanny "

A homeless man sees more than people realize.

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
CR Delport
 
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Well, at least Diamond looked out for Ruby. Probably saved her a heap of heartache. A tough battle is looming. Another great chapter that is well written.


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014


Comment by
nordicgirl
 
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There aren't enough sixes to give you one for every chapter. They are all worthy. Wonderful section about Ruby and the relationship eith her mom. A lot of character development and implied backstory. This pace is perfect. Lots of action but plenty of time to create compelling real charactets. Excellent. NG


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014


Comment by
Tatarka2
 
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I think this story has more promise overall than the Yosemite one or the one about your grandmother, not that they weren't great stories. This one just seems to have so many elements that interest many people (celebrity, mystery, mental illness, etc.) That said, I didn't think this chapter hung together vey well. I think you need a smoother transition between Ruby's story and Lucy's. As it is now, it seems too abrupt and it's difficult to follow.


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014



reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
    I do feel more comfortable with this story. Yosemite was terrifying. Hahaha. Yes. I think I know what you mean. I just jump to a different part. I don't want to say 'meanwhile back at the ranch' but I do need to say something! I have to keep a handle on time also. When things are happening and what day it is got away from me with Yosemite so I didn't mention it. Can't do that here. I need to make myself a little chart or something. Thanks for the help. mikey
Comment by
Michaelk
I work to survive,
but I write to live.
 
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Another solid chapter. The plot thickens. How long will it be until junior catches Lucy snooping around on a nanny cam? I really think she needs to befriend the butler. How better to get inside information?


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014


Comment by
ProjectBluebook
 
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Foremost, I like her! She is a beauty! Oh, thanks for the two member cent pumps. First I ever got. Now, I got to review. Maybe, some sort of evidence linking the killer or killers is frozen with Mr. Blackwell. Who has the body? I forgot. Better hope Ruby don't find some old love letter linking Mr Blackwell with Diamond. Diamond sounds like a stage name? Bruno Shnots, interesting idea, a nickname for the free shot sluggard. Good imagination, here. Maybe, an old holiday card could have Mr Blackwell's name on it and could be interpreted by Ruby. This is looking great! wackydo crap! lost track of me doubloons, sorry Mikey.

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 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014



reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
    She has to find out at some point. I just haven't figured out how she is going to find out yet. The record guys work for a small outfit that is connected to Blackwell Publishing. Wait till you see the insane thing I am posting shortly. Hahaha. Let the threes and fours come flooding in!!! mikey

reply by ProjectBluebook on 22-Apr-2014
    Maybe, a record with Diamond's name mentioned somehow? I wonder what you got cooking? Sounds like it is insane! A surprise?

reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
    HMMM!!!! The old man recorded a song called Diamond Dancer which the Bard has among his stuff. There's just the one copy and the detective runs across it. But, doesn't make the connection for a long time because it doesn't sound like a real name. Yep. I know a songwriter and some old dude that can sing it too!

reply by ProjectBluebook on 22-Apr-2014
    Yes, I got luke warm.
Comment by
2014 Novelist and 2016 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Phyllis Stewart
Premier Writer
Premier Reader
 
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One big complaint about this chapter, Mikey; it ended too soon! I want to read MORE! Write longer chapters from now on, okay? I like this story...good characters. Do you know who the murderer is yet? Rather odd that the author doesn't know. LOL! But you can pull it out and pull it off, I'm sure. :)

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 Comment Written 22-Apr-2014



reply by the author on 22-Apr-2014
    I wanted to post more, but I'm afraid I'm already pushing it as it is. This is like 1350 or so. I don't want to chase everyone off! I'm afraid if I decide who the murderer is that everything will become too contrived. So, at this point, I'm still letting things unfold and finding out what everyone is like and what their motives might be. God, that's nuts! Hahaha. I'm observing my own story instead of telling it! I am glad you like it though. I know I like that it is the music industry that I know something about and not mind control and stealth bombers. mikey

reply by Phyllis Stewart on 22-Apr-2014
    Your method here makes a lot of sense! When you KNOW who did it, you will direct the story toward revealing it. This is much better! You're a smart guy, Mikey. And a very talented writer/thinker. :)
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