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Reviews from
The Bard of Bel Air


Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Bard Writes & Crime in the City"

A homeless man sees more than people realize.

  13 total reviews 
Comment by
Sankey
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  Rank:  137
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  Rank:  25
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  Rank:  109
 
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Hi ya mate! Actually read another chapter. Typical Mikey all the way through at least you don't let us down huh!
Some comments and some spag coming right up ok!
In the background...Lucy empl(o)yed now in the Blackwell
Potable from the Saouth prolly hehe.
The bags of cards and stuff reminds me of my littering offence with our names all over the correspondence Oh me.

greater precision the(a)n Harpster did at his desk


 Comment Written 25-Apr-2014


Comment by
ravenblack
 
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Porta vs. Pota- the Bard definitely understands the trickle down theory of economics. I accidentally skipped ahead but now am making the right connections between this an previous chapters. Have the detectives interact with some of your favorite rockers.


 Comment Written 24-Apr-2014


Comment by
GracieAnn
 
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Mikey, it was a tad bit long for me. I do have a little trouble shifting gears, as it were, from scene to scene. How are others liking the poetry? I know it is significant in giving clues, but it makes me feel A.D.D. Couple things:

misspell in line Lucy emplyed

women here? he had an eye for woman

Solid humor and building characters. :0 GracieAnn


 Comment Written 24-Apr-2014



reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
    I'm trying to work on having a little more transition between settings. I know a couple squiggly lines doesn't cut it. Most people like the poetry. It is usually part of what he is saying. I probably shouldn't separate it the way I'm doing it. But, it seems nice to highlight it like that. Try and read it as though it is just him blathering along and he just starts throwing in rhyming or poetic words in the middle of his conversation. That is what he is doing. It would work better as a play I think. Glad you're liking the characters. I am trying to keep the pace slow enough to round them out properly. I hope I'm not missing too many responses, I am miles behind on everything, but especially these. I do read them and pay close attention though. Like character listings! mikey
Comment by
Millibrad
 
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This is an excellent chapter Things are starting to heat up with the investigation with Lucy zeroing in on Junior. I like the two female detectives working together. I'm curious to see what happens when Ruby find out the identity of her father, and no,I don't think this chapter is too long.


 Comment Written 23-Apr-2014


Comment by
Tatarka2
 
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Yes, I really am enjoying reading this story. You keep the reader intrigued here with interesting characters, the unexpected addition of poetry in places that seem random at first read, and especially the mystery. There are several underlying messages (i.e., the juxtaposition of wealth and privilege vs. poverty & mental illness) but you don't hit us over the head with them. Instead, it's all part of a fun trip down the memory lane of old rock stars and songs, and a peek into the worlds of great wealth and abject poverty (homelessness). I think it has a lot of potential. Of course, everything depends on how the plot develops. I did think the last two chapters rambled a bit (not unlike this review).


 Comment Written 23-Apr-2014


Comment by
seaglass
 
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Its not too long for me.

My old mental health back ground keeps sticking it's nose in when I read this. Bard reminds me of a patient i once worked with who had multi -personalities.

Depending on who he was, an accent or singing or some other oddity appeared. It's not anything that needs to be included, just sharing to assure you, your character is realistic.

I like the direction it's going with the uncover work.


 Comment Written 23-Apr-2014


Comment by
Nosha17
 
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The plot thickens, very good chapter, good intrigue. I don't think it was too long, you covered a whole lot that was essential to the progress of the story. Your female detectives are very efficient and carrying it off well. Very well written as always and enjoyable. Faye


 Comment Written 23-Apr-2014


Comment by
nelliesellie
 
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The bard is crazy but not stupid The two lady detectives are pretty smart too. The best idea is to become part of the help. The rich tend to ignore the help. They say and do things that give them away. The trash is also a good way to gain clues. Great work.


 Comment Written 23-Apr-2014


Comment by
CR Delport
 
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Yeah, you can never please them all. Some will complain the posts are too long, while others who really follow the story says its too short. Lots of info in this posting. Lucy is in an Tenaya learned of a mysterious heir. Great stuff.


 Comment Written 23-Apr-2014


Comment by
Michaelk
I work to survive,
but I write to live.
 
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Good chapter. I think it's just the right length. Setup and introductions are nice, but it's time for an earthshaking event, or startling announcement. I'm still rooting for the storyline that Blackwell did it to himself. Maybe he had cancer and wanted to go into deep freeze before it got too bad.


 Comment Written 23-Apr-2014


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